It’s time for Blog de Diablo, Blog Post #66. I would say that I don’t believe in the devil but that’s not true. There’s the bird, the fish, and the eggs… all which are real.

It’s July, which means my wife and I celebrate our anniversary. This year is thirteen years of marriage. Thirteen years of marriage talked about in Blog Post 66? Good thing I’m not a numerophobe. If there’s any number to fear right now, it’s 2020.

Celebrate the Flow of Life

My wife and I took a two hour road trip to Whistler for a couple nights of R&R. It was nice to “travel” again. I took this photo of Fitzsimmons Creek and was reminded to appreciate the still and the moving aspects of life.

Movie Goals

I had a new year’s resolution to watch 36 movies this year. With the pandemic, I reached my goal in the first week of July. I highly recommend Stuck in Love, Still Life, and Requirements to be a Normal Person. Pain and Glory was also amazing.

Novel Goals

My novel writing continues. I’ve been reading bits and samples of other writers, deciphering what I like and what I don’t like. While it has been easy and natural to find my voice in this blog, writing a fictional novel has been another animal all together. They’re not really the same things. It would be like comparing apples to orangutans.

As promised, I am continuing to share excerpts from my novel. Keep in mind that this is all first draft material. It will likely change. In this scene, the main character had been given a letter from his mother that he couldn’t get out of his mind:

“The thinking was all focused on the letter and not on whether he was full or whether he should keep eating. There was self loathing and negative self talk that needed to occur. There wasn’t time for interference with questions of satiety or comfort.”

Words of Wisdom

1. My advice for a long happy marriage: Always apologize when you do something wrong or say something wrong (it’s ‘when’ not ‘if’).

I recently read a social media post that said :

“To all the people who are apoligizing for a past they weren’t part of or even born for. Speak for yourself I myself did nothing to apoligize for.”

You could start by apologizing for your punctuation.

Then I’ll say, “I’m so sorry that you have so much trouble with grammar and spelling.”

Apologies are free and helpful.

2. Pass on encouraging words. Inspire others.

Gratitude

Thanks to everyone who continues to support this blog and my first book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside. Sales have continued through June and July which has been surprising and humbling. It’s time for some ending jokes. Enjoy.

Nurse: “Sir, you’ll need to be on clear fluids for the next two days.”

Patient: “Clear fluids? Ok, no stouts or hazy IPAs… only lagers and pilsners. Got it.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Quotes to live by: “All of us need to do our part. We need to continue to support each other in doing that. We need to be calm, and to be kind to each other, and to be safe.” – Donald Trump

______________________________________________________________________________________

Correction: The above Donald Trump quote may not have been Donald Trump but instead may have been Dr. Bonnie Henry. It does sound like something Trump would say though; #fakenews.

It’s a great time to be alive. It’s Blog Post #65. I know some of you are asking, “What do you mean a great time?” Well, it beats the time of Spanish Flu. There was no YouTube, no Instagram, no Facebook, no Twitter, no podcasts… Ugh, maybe it isn’t as good as the Spanish Flu season. It was harder back then yet there was less whining and complaining… that you had to hear about online anyway.

‘Tis the Season

In Canada, the summer is here. Covid has settled down a bit as it prepares for the big push this fall. If history teaches us anything, it’s that there will be a second wave. We’re humans though…we never learn.

Book Work 2

I continue to work on my first ever novel. It is a tough, arduous process but I’m enjoying it. Thanks to everyone who gave positive feedback on the ending which I shared in my last post. This time, I’m actually sharing an actual excerpt from the book. It gives away nothing but it is actual proof that this book is actually a thing:

“Well, I admire your courage to get started. Like anything in life, the first step is the hardest.”

“I don’t know about that. I’m thinking each step I make after that is going to be harder and harder… until I wish I were dead.”

“Uhh…that’s the spirit,” said Erin with a shrug ’n smile.

Words of Wisdom

1. Do the thing…. The thing you want to do. Forget the money, the fame, the glory. Do the thing.
2. Finish the thing you started….The thing you wanted to do… That thing you started and are now procrastinating on.
3. Do the thing. Finish the thing…. Because the day is coming when you no longer can do the things or finish the things.
4. When in doubt what to do, think about what the Dogwood do.

The mandate of this blog is to post once a month or more. I almost didn’t get this out before June was over. I don’t even want to think about all the hate mail I would have received. Here’s your ending jokes in conversation form. Enjoy.

1. Nurse: “To help with your constipation issue, drink plenty of water.

                           Also, start keeping a log.”

         Patient: “Keeping a log? The problem is I can’t get rid of a log.”

2. Nurse: “And increase your fiber intake.”

         Patient: “So I should stop having protein shakes.”

          Nurse: “No whey!”

3. Nurse: “Remember. Fiber and water work together.”

         Patient: “Like viruses and cruise ships?”

It’s Blog Post #64. Thank you to everyone who emailed and posted about enjoying Blog Post #63. I hope you’re happy, healthy, and avoiding other people’s droplets. Wash your hands.

Happy Anniversary

Four years ago, I stopped saying that I’m going to be a writer and instead became a writer. This month marks the four year anniversary of this blog. People ask me what this blog is about or what it is. It’s difficult to explain. I guess it’s a personal brain-storming dump that focuses on humor and entertainment.

Novel Idea

My novel is in full motion now with an outline and actual written parts. I even have a title. Having never written a novel, I’m not really sure what I’m doing. I’m just writing some stuff and then writing some more stuff…in hopes that it will all work. It’s daunting at times but it’s also a fun.

Working From Home

I know so many people working from home. I tried to do my charting for nursing from home but found too many technical issues and glitches. I spent most of my time dealing with all the troubleshooting instead of actually getting work done. Many people will probably continue to work from home once the virus is less of a threat, azooming they aren’t having the kind of technical difficulties I’ve had.

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t wear gloves to go out in public. It just shows everyone that you only care about yourself and that you’re not washing your hands.

2. Watch After Life on Netflix. It’s bloody brilliant. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll wish there were more seasons.

3. Bring your identification with you when you go out. Recently, there was some commotion at the City Hall here in Vancouver. A member of counsel forgot his identification and was stopped by the security guard.

“Sir, you need your City of Vancouver identification.”

“Oh, I forgot it.”

”I can’t let you in then.”

“I have my COV identification at home.”

“Without a COV ID, you won’t get in. Only those with COVID can get in.”

“Oh, I have COVID.”

“Then you go on in.”

Here’s an unusual ending. Enjoy.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’m going to start sharing excerpts and ideas from my upcoming novel. I’ve decided to start by sharing the ending (but not the title). Spoiler ahead. The ending is so good that I had to start there. It may be one of the best endings in the history of novel writing. Here’s the end of my novel which I’m so very proud of:

The End

About the Author:

Roy G. Mundheim is a writer, author, and Registered Nurse in Vancouver, Canada. Roy began sharing his writings in 2016 with his website and personal blog which he continues to contribute to regularly to this day. In 2019, he wrote and published his first book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside. In 2020, Roy began to create fiction works and the idea for ________________was born.

Once upon a time there were three nurses working hard during a world wide pandemic.

The first nurse worked for a privatized care home that focussed on profits. Equipment was sub-par. The food was bland. Staffing was always an issue.

The second nurse worked for a health agency that was contracted out by the country’s government to provide health care services. The medical equipment was up to date but not in abundance. The food served to patients was of a sufficient standard. There was adequate staffing most of the time.

The third nurse worked for the public sector hospital and was supported by the country’s nurses union. Equipment met strict standards and was well stocked. Food was fresh and well prepared. Staffing was never an issue.

One day a virus came across the first nurse wearing a paper mache mask made in a sweat shop in another country. The virus thought it would have a chance to get into the nurses lungs and procreate so it asked, “Excuse me nurse, please let me in.”

The nurse replied, “ Not through the mask above my chinny chin chin.”

The virus replied, “Then I’ll huff and I’ll cough and I’ll make my own way in.” The virus flu through the air and infected the nurse.

The virus then came across the second nurse wearing a medical mask that had to be re-used again and again due to limited supply. The virus thought that it could get into the second nurses lungs and procreate. The virus asked, “Excuse me nurse, please let me in.”

The nurse replied, “Not through the mask above my chinny chin chin.”

The virus replied, “Then I’ll huff and I’ll cough and I’ll make my own way in.” The virus flu through the air and infected the second nurse.

The virus then came across the third nurse wearing a fit-tested N95 medical mask. The virus thought that it could get into the third nurses lungs and procreate. The virus asked, “Excuse me nurse, please let me in.”

The nurse replied, “Not by the mask above my chinny chin chin.”

The virus replied, “Then I’ll huff and I’ll cough and I’ll make my own way in.” The virus flu through the air but was stopped by the mask. The virus waited on the mask patiently. A short time later, the nurse touched her masked while disposing of it in the garbage. Just as the virus thought the chance was near, the nurse washed her hands and the virus went down the sink never to be heard from again.

The End.

This has been Blog Post #63. It was meant in fun and created for readers to enjoy.

Disclaimer: This post is not specific to any country or organization. Most health organizations are focused on health and not financial profits. Only a small percentage of health organizations and countries would ever consider risking health care workers lives in the interest of money and business gains.

___________________________________________________________________________

People who care about health and the health of others also care greatly in the health of the planet.

In breaking news this month, Roy from Siegfried & Roy died last week from Covid 19. Fortunately, Roy from this amazing blog by Roy is alive, well, and providing you with Blog Post #62. May this blog post find you healthy and happy.

Quarantines around the world seem to be easing. Good news stories of recovery and resilience are starting to come forward and bring hope. There’s also stories from the United States.

Around the World

Seoul, South Korea closed clubs and bars after a Covid-19 patient visited multiple night clubs. Authorities are now looking for 2000 people who may have come in contact with this person. Fortunately, it is only 2000 people that need to be tracked down, tested, isolated, and monitored.

In other related news; Ol’ MacDonald was forced to close his farm’s barn door after several horses got out.

Close to Home

Vancouver has started to ease restrictions on socializing and are allowing people to expand their circle of friends carefully. For some, that seems to mean, “Let’s meet at the park with 150 of our closest friends for hugs and kisses.”

My wife and I decided to meet with friends in an outdoor space with physical distancing.

These friends asked ‘the question’. “So, are you seeing Covid positive clients in your job?”

“Did I tell you I’m working on another book? It’s a novel that tells a story about a person that does stuff.”

Ambitious Life Goals Achieved

I had an odd new year’s resolution for 2020; Watch 36 movies from January until December. I enjoy watching movies and I had found I wasn’t really doing much of it. Ambitious goals are what I’m all about so I set out to watch 3 movies a month. With Covid – 19, I will be destroying that goal. I’m already at 24 movies at the time of this writing.

Words of Wisdom

1. Life is short. Hug your friends. (Well, don’t actually hug them. Make like you’re hugging them. Wish them hugs… or send hugs virtually through Zoom.)

2. Watch more movies. Watch The Gentlemen, Knives Out, and Parasite.

3. When in Rome…actually don’t go to Rome. Closed until further notice.

Get ready. Soon, I will be sharing information on the novel I’m working on. Stay tuned. For now, it’s time for the ending jokes. Stay calm and quarantine on. Enjoy.

Why do salons need to re-open during the Covid-19 pandemic?

Because they need to ‘flatten the curl’.

____________________________________________________________________________

A friend telling me that her son got a job repairing fish pen netting at a fish farm.

Me: “So he got a job at Netfix?”

___________________________________________________________________________

FYI: Proctologists have been trying to do virtual appointments but it was found to be unsafe after a number of patient’s phones were lost during the rectal exam.

It’s Blog Post #61 and it’s all about getting back to enjoying life. Thank you to everyone who said they really enjoyed Blog Post #60. It wasn’t really for everybody… just those with a sense of humor. After that post, I had a big jump in sales of my book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside Wow! I guess people really are bored. I’m joking of course…it’s a great book. It’s the best book I’ve ever written.

I was actually going to stop blogging about the book but this recent boost in sales has me continuing this sales/marketing campaign locomotive. The train keeps a rollin’.

Off a Roll

My gym closed and with it went my discipline…temporarily. I’ve struggled the last couple weeks with workouts, diet, and procrastination. It’s now time to turn this quarantined cruise ship around. Through internal channels and the underground black market, I was able to acquire this treasure. It’s time to get back to work.

Covid-19

“This sneaky bacteria has really hit us hard. We need to find the right antibiotics to target the virus’s internal thermal exhaust port. Once the viral replication hits 1.21 Gigawatts, we’re going have big problems. No one knows this better than me. I saw it coming. When it wasn’t that big a deal, I said it wasn’t a big deal. I said it was a flu. As soon as it became a big deal and it was serious, I said it was serious and even used the word ‘pandemic’. You can’t teach this kind of leadership.

Masks are the answer. Only masks can kill this corona bacteria. Antibiotics made from masks and mask parts that have been processed in ventilators and then combined with unproven anti-malarial medications will allow us to reopen the economy again. That’s the only answer, folks.” – an unnamed world leader who cut funding to WHO.

Words of Wisdom

1. This won’t last forever.

What won’t last forever?

Exactly.

2. “When this is over and life returns to ‘normal,’ how will you feel about what you did (contributing, helping, assisting etc.)? I asked myself.

3. Do your best with what you have and the situation you’re in.

It’s time for the ending jokes. If you’re religious, may your gods forgive me. If you’re an atheist, bless you…and enjoy.

It’s 2020. The corona virus is spreading. Markets are crashing. Business is down. No sports. No concerts. Healthcare systems are getting overrun.

That’s awful!

Churches can’t even have regular gatherings and service. 

Well at least there’s some good news. 

______________________________________________________________________________________

By the way, the above weights are for sale. Just click on the link below. The sale price of $6000 U.S. dollars is firm.

http://www.worththeweight.ca

It’s Blog Post #60 and there’s not really anything else to do… unless you’re an ‘essential worker’. If you’re looking for information on the corona virus, just know that this blog has you covid.

2020 has been a crazy year and it’s only April. For this blog in this year, there was the amazing interview with the author of Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside in Post #57 and now I am excited to share my interview from last week with one of the corona viruses. So stay home and read this piece with one of the biggest headline makers of 2020… and also the corona virus.

Me: “Covid, Thank you for doing this despite your crazy busy schedule. I appreciate you finding time for me.”

Covid: “No problem and you can call me Cove or Covie. When I heard you wanted to interview me, I knew it was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. You’re the best blogger/ writer I’ve never heard of.”

Me: “Thank you. What got you started with all this travelling and fame? What made you want to do this?”

Covid: “I always enjoyed the idea of getting out there more. Bats aren’t all that exciting. They don’t really go very far. They hang out and then they go fly around and eat and then they’re back in the cave hanging out upside down again. I just wanted more for my life. I really got started by seeing viral ads on social media and YouTube saying anyone could dream bigger. I thought, ‘Hey, I’m anyone. I can do that.’ The rest is history all while history is being made.”

Me: “What do you say to people who say you’re just bringing sickness and destruction?”

Covid: “I think us viruses are misunderstood. We want the same things you want. We just want to survive and multiply. I mean look at all the people who are washing their hands and disinfecting. We lost so many of us in the process. My best friend, Cora almost went down a sink drain last week. There’s been so many of us sent there. It’s been tragic. Here’s a picture of my aunt Vi just before she was taken out by one swipe of a disinfectant wipe.”

Me: “Cove. There’s been a lot of deaths on both sides.”

Covid: “True… if we’re considered ‘alive’ at all. It’s not our intention. We need to procreate just like you. Did you know that without us viruses, there wouldn’t be life as we know it? Back when I was in college with my Viral Internationally Regional University Scholarship, I learned that we viruses have had a huge role in the evolution of mammals, especially humans.

Me: “That’s true. Many of the protein adaptations seen in humans has been driven by viruses.”

Covid: “I know, right?”

Me: “Your journey has been a big story this year, second only to Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside. Have you read the book?”

Covid: “Yes. I loved it. Nurses are amazing people and the book was an absolute joy to read. I laughed out loud and even cried at times. I have been learning a lot about nursing the last while but I rarely see their faces.”

Me: “What advice (or Words of Wisdom) would you give to people who are struggling with your overwhelming impact on the world?”

Covid: “Our current form won’t last. Vaccines are inevitable for us viruses. We will do as you do…Enjoy life until our time is done. We viruses know an end is coming. Humans are intelligent, resilient and adaptable beings that can not be defeated. They always rise. Also, stop with all the handwashing and go hang out with your friends again.”

Me: “Thanks for doing this.”

Covid: “No problem. I really enjoy this blog. Have you got any new jokes?”

Me: “Yeah here’s a bit to enjoy.”

Have you heard of the new Corona Cruise Lines? 

No

Yeah, they recently decided to change their name.

___________________________________________________________________________

Have you heard that Canada are looking at voting for different people to be on the new five dollar bill? The front runner so far is Terry Fox. I did a write-in vote for Meghan Markle, our own Canadian royalty. Let’s get this to go viral. Who’s with me?

This is an April Fool’s joke, right?

*crickets*

It’s time for Blog Post 59. It seems that everything is shutting down and closing. No restaurants, schools, bars, coffee shops or sports. Fortunately for my readers, this rock and write show continues.  There’s a rumor out there that some sort of disease is causing all these shutdowns. It seems to have gone viral.

It’s almost Spring here in Canada and a time of change. My book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside is now out of my hands and it’s on to the next great project. What will that be?

Thank you again to everyone who supported my book. It was a challenge that was a lot of work… and a lot of fun.

Repetition is the key to success.

The Next Project

I have an idea for a novel so I’m looking to write a novel. It’s a novel idea that has been in my head like a novel virus. The plan is to write a novel, self publish it to critical acclaim, then write the screenplay, then have it made into a best-selling movie. Easy PC. I won’t let a little thing like never having written a novel or a screenplay stop me. That would be way too easy.

Once I’ve got a good start on my new book, I hope to share bits and pieces here and keep you up to date on its progress. It’s a little more than an idea at the moment and the plot and characters are just starting to take shape. You know it will have the humor that you come here for.

My wife and I just came back from a week on Vancouver Island visiting family and friends. I took this photo in my hometown of Port Alberni a couple years back. I call it The Bridge to “The Rest”. Repetition is the key to success.

Don’t Waste Time Wasting Time

Lately, I’ve really been working on not wasting time. It’s such a challenge at times. Social media, entertainment, and nonsense are so readily available. Resistance is everywhere… especially in the mind. I try to remember that:

Books and blogs don’t write themselves.

Languages don’t get learned through osmosis (despite the belief from some that it does).

The gym isn’t going to just give its gifts without paying the price.

Repetition is the key to success.

We’re all going to die and we’ll all be dead soon (this one doesn’t always help).

The challenge to really make the days, hours, and minutes count is difficult and unrelenting. Whenever I’m struggling with discipline and/or motivation, I do try to ask myself, “What would The Rock do?” and then I try to do half of that.

Healthy Eating

I was at one of my favorite sandwich shops that I won’t name… but it rhymes with Wubsay. The guy in front of me ordered his sandwich and when it came time to pick his toppings, he said, “Give me the works.

except jalapenos…

and no tomatoes…

or onions…

or olives…

and no green peppers.  That’s a true story…and don’t be that guy.

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t Waste Time. Do the thing that you want to do now… after you finish this blog… and share this blog on social media… and buy Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside … and write a five-star review on Amazon. Then, do the thing you want to do.

2. Repetition is the key to success.

3. Wash your hands. Covid-19 is the worst virus to hit the planet since Covid-18. Do you remember that one?

No?

Me neither.

It’s time for the ending jokes. I’ve had so many good ones lately but unfortunately, they’re just not suitable for this wholesome blog. So, you get these instead. Enjoy.

I recently bought stocks that went up quite a bit. I was asked, “How did you know what was coming?” 

“I heard Warren Buffet banging on a garbage can.” 

____________________________________________________________________________

My friend: “I’m getting Fluevogs!”

Me: “There’s a vaccine for that.”

Bonus Baseball Season Preview

It’s (hopefully) almost baseball season again. Fans are buzzing about this upcoming season; almost as much as Houston Astros players in previous seasons.

My wife and I have our tickets to see the Seattle Mariners take on the Blue Jays. We’re going with friends and family and even though the expectations for these teams is low, it should still be fun.

Who knows what to expect this season? No one knows… unlike previous seasons when the Astros knew.

I have heard there is a petition to remove the “tr” from their team name.

Go Mariners! What do they need to do to win? Practice every day because… Repetition is the key to success.

No need to wait. It’s Blog Post #58…It’s time for a new blog, Zog, add ideas from a text, Rex, don’t need to be coy, Roy. Just listen to me…

Celebration Time

This past Friday was the book launch party for Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside. Thank you to everyone who came out to celebrate the completion of my first ever book. I was taken aback that so many people decided to come out and celebrate with me. My speech was as short and sweet as it needed to be. I didn’t see it as all that pragmatic to have me standing there all sloppy emotional. The celebration was still a lot of fun.

Also, a big thank you to everyone who said they enjoyed Blog Post #57 and found it quite funny. The comments about it being me “playing with myself” and that “it was funnier than your book” were not appreciated (but amusing).

People who haven’t read the book yet have asked me what my favorite story and/or favorite part of the book is. My answer is that it’s all amazing. If they continue to grill me, I say, “Well, there is a digital disimpaction one that’s quite good.”

“Eww, that’s a hard NO from me.”

“It was hard…hence the need.”

As I said to many people at the party, the book is not really what you’d necessarily expect. It’s a journey that’s told through my inner dialogue and comments (which are rooted in humor and sarcasm). There is a message and a story within all that humorous gold.

I took this photo of the beautiful flowers I was given by Viki, my wife’s aunt, to congratulate me on the book.

Q&A from the Book Launch Party

I was asked a lot of questions about the book and writing at the book launch party. I thought I’d answer a few of them here:

1. How did I decide to write this book?

It was the write time.

2. Were there problems with formatting and getting everything together?

Yes. I was halfway done the book and saw that Times New Roman was trending on Twitter. I thought, “What’s happening on that font? Sans Sarif they discontinue Times New Roman, I might have to re Calibri.”

3. Were there a lot of jokes that didn’t make the book?

There were some that weren’t good enough or that were too much for the book.

4. What’s one that was too much for the book?

I had one about pigs…P.I.G.S. ; Patients In General Surgery. Decided against it.

5. Is the book successful? Do I have lots of sales?

To me the book is a success. I’m proud of it. People who have read it have said they really enjoyed it. Sales have exceeded my expectations and they’ve continued long after the book was released. That’s success… in my book.

6. Am I going to write another book?

I’ve already started. I’ve decided to write a fiction novel. Nursing is a part of it but it’s not really about that. I’m going to try to tell a story that I want to tell.

Words of Wisdom

1. For Writers: Get an editor to look over your work. It saved me from myself. I recently read a novel where the story took place in 1977. The author wrote about the fall of the Berlin Wall and Whitney Houston songs amongst all the spelling errors, typos, and grammar issues. That book desperately needed an editor.

2. For wanna-be writers: The journey from wanna-be to writer requires action… actual writing. It’s simple but not easy. For those not knowing where to start… you just have to start. Then the magic of “anything can happen” can take place.

Everybody’s favorite ending jokes are here. These ones struck me as funny when I came up with them but now, I think they’re stupid. In other words, perfect for this blog. Enjoy.

Did you hear that it’s supposed to snow tomorrow?

No.

Did you hear that Kelloggs is down in early morning trading?

No.

Did you know that gold panning is making a big comeback?

No.

That’s because it’s all flake news.

_________________________________________________________________________________

BREAKING NEWS: WHO’s to say if the Corona Virus is a global emergency or not ?