Happy June. For your reading pleasure, it’s Blog Post #47. Thank you to all who read Blog Post #46 and discovered that Blog Post #45 was not actually my last. It’s now time to put that little bit of unpleasantness in the past and move forward.

Booking to the Future

I’m excited to say that I’m back working on my book. That’s despite the fact that I’ve been busier than a dinner host for Piglet’s best friend (I’ll explain later). The summer is just beginning here in Canada and it seems to have come early. The weather has been delightful. Sunshine all day and temperatures that would make Goldilocks happy. However, there have been some challenges:

Ongoing Investigation

My Mom fell in her kitchen and broke her hip last month. We’re not entirely sure what happened. There are two theories:

The first theory is a bit unrealistic. She was in the kitchen cooking and she turned, lost her balance, and fell.

The second, and more realistic, theory is that she opened the kitchen window to get some fresh air. Little did she know that sitting on a branch on the tree just outside the kitchen window was a trollacito, a troll-like creature (almost like an Oompa Loompa). It sat there waiting patiently for opportunity.

With its long spikey discolored fingernails, the trollacito held tightly to its blow gun. “Breathe deep and slow.” the trollacito said to itself as my Mom opened the window. A rush of anticipation and air went out the single lung of the trollacito and through the kitchen window in a simultaneous dance of wind and crackling fire. The trollacito slowly removed a dart from the side pocket of his beige war-torn vest. Containing a type of curare called ‘nappytie’, the dart lay dormant in the blow gun as the trollacito quivered with hope.

Just as my Mom went to the sink, the trollacito saw the chance. “Whoooosh!…and stick.”

“Got her.” the trollacito said to itself with a wry sideways smile of satisfaction.

The dart had gone to my Moms left thigh and down she went breaking her hip in the process. We continue to try to find the offending trollacito but so far it eludes us. If I get my hands on that little Motherhunter…

My Mom is doing well. She had surgery, is recovering, is back home, and is in good spirits. The investigation into what exactly happened continues…

Hip to the Hop

In honor of my Mom, I thought I’d share some HipHop music or maybe a little Huey Lewis and the News ‘Hip to be Square’. Better yet, a little Tragically Hip ‘Little Bones’  or Weezer ‘Island in the Sun’ HipHip. Then I decided that wouldn’t be nice. So I’m sharing some more Tom Odell who I saw in an awesome concert last month. My wife and I were Magnetised.

Here’s a photo I took a couple years back of the Somass River in Port Alberni.

Coincidences

I recently read that a serial bank robber was released from custody following the completion of his sentence. In other unrelated news, there were a series of bank robberies around town. Police continue their investigation.

Words of Wisdom

1. Drink beer. It’s delicious. Last year I read that there was a study that showed beer can help stave off Alzheimer’s Disease and even improve memory. I recently said to my wife, “Hey, remember that study I told you about last year regarding beer improving memory?”

”No”

“It was Saturday May 5th at 2:34pm.You had just put on your shoes to go shopping because we needed broccoli and potatoes for dinner. You were wearing that running jacket with the broken zipper that you got rid of the following day.

”Oh yeah, now I remember.”

Pfft, studies prove nothing.

2. If you’re working as a caregiver, never use the word “quiet.” If you do, you’ll soon find yourself busier than a honeybee with Winnie the Pooh knocking on the back door asking if you have any snacks. (* from my upcoming book on nursing)

Thanks for reading. It’s time for the ending jokes. These are also in the upcoming book. Enjoy.

I overheard someone asking a 90 year old patient what the secret to a long life was.
She replied, “I don’t really know. I was never a health nut or anything. For the last 40 years or so, I always had a single shot of vodka, tequila, or rum before going to bed. Also, every day, I eat a pickle for a late night snack.

“So, you wouldn’t say there’s a magic pill or anything?”

“No… just a magic dill.”

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I had a patient who only spoke Punjabi. No English. However, whenever the patient received a meal or assistance, he would always say, “Merci.” One shift, my co-worker and I helped this patient to bed and the patient said, “Merci”.

My co-worker looked at me and said, “Oh! He speaks Spanish?”

 

 

 

 

 

RGM