Tag: writing

The Fear of Arriving Early for My Funeral

It’s Blog Post 129.

In the 1988 Tom Cruise film, Cocktail, the main character had to write his own obituary for a school assignment. I have chosen to do the same. Apparently, it can be therapeutic, motivational, and help the ego face the fear. What fear?

OBITUARIES 2056

Roy Gunnar Mundheim (October 18th, 1974 – April 30th, 2056)

Roy was born in Port Alberni, Canada to Norwegian immigrants, Harald and Irene Mundheim. He was an only child who his parents doted on and made the center of their world. Roy spent much of his youth enjoying the outdoors and being active, while having a sense of humor and personality that brought joy to all those who knew him. He took to soccer at an early age and was on the field and in the front yard as much as possible practicing his skills. As a teenager, he dreamed of playing soccer in Europe and earned opportunities with professional and semi- professional teams in Canada, England, and Norway. In his early twenties, injury and health issues derailed his dream of professional soccer but he was able to return to playing amateur soccer and eventually returned to Norway for a final season in his early thirties before retiring. He would often speak of all the wonderful opportunities he had playing soccer and the many life lessons it gave him.

Roy met his wife Lesly in 2002 and they soon became inseparable. They travelled together to Norway for a soccer season and then returned to Canada, moving to Campbell River where they got married on July 7th, 2007. Roy returned to school at the age of thirty-one and earned his GED and then his Bachelor of Science in Nursing, graduating in 2011 with distinction. Roy and Lesly moved to downtown Vancouver in 2011 to ‘experience the city life’ and stayed there until Roy’s retirement from nursing in 2031. Roy had numerous jobs as a nurse working at Vancouver General Hospital and The Vancouver Hospice before joining Vancouver Coastal Health’s Community Rehabilitation team in 2019.

It was in Vancouver that Roy took up writing and became an author and blogger. He started the blog, Write or Wroy in May of 2016. It was a critical, introspective, sarcastic review of life, love, and the human condition that ran for ten years and garnered many readers. Roy wrote four books in his life which he self published and still sells copies to this day. His first book was Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside which was a humorous look at nursing, health, and the human condition. His second book was the critically acclaimed novel, Jonah Chooses Amazing. Roy would go on to write and sell the screenplay for the book after his retirement. Jonah Chooses Amazing won the 2034 Oscar for best screenplay and best movie. Roy continued to write and released two more books, The Regrets We Can’t Have and The Homeless Doctor.

Roy was an avid traveller enjoying taking in new cultures, meeting different people, and seeing as much of the world as possible. Roy and Lesly were fortunate to have travelled to over 30 countries together before retiring and then added an additional 30 countries post retirement. Roy spoke fluent Norwegian and Spanish and was never afraid to give a new language a try wherever they were in the world.

Roy was a lifelong Vancouver Canucks fan and was at Roger’s A.I. Arena when the Canucks won the Stanley Cup in 2030. He called it one of the great moments of his life. He was also an avid fan of the Seattle Mariners, despite being Canadian and being told he should support the Toronto Blue Jays. Roy spoke often of the Mariner’s World Series wins in 2026, 2027, and 2028.

Ultimately, Roy’s passion was humor, laughter, and finding joy in life. He believed that life should be enjoyed and the limited time we have should be filled with as much good as possible. Roy enjoyed beer with friends, wine with his wife, and good food from home to around the world.

Roy is predeceased by his parents, Harald and Irene and his In-laws, Adeline and Everet Engdahl. He leaves behind his wife, Lesly of 48 years, his brother in law, Mark Engdahl, his sisters in law, Lydian Stubbs and Christine Overland, and vast extended family in both Canada and Norway. He also leaves behind many great long time friends including his best friend, Corey Germansen.  Roy was loved, loved back, and will be missed dearly.

The Final Interview: Write or Wroy

Time March is on. It’s Blog Post # 128. With the success and popularity of Blog Posts #57 and #103, I decided to try once again to follow that formula one more time. In a World-wide exclusive, I have secured the following interview with blogger, writer, philosopher, and linguist, Roy G. Mundheim. This is a fascinating, behind the scenes, reveal of one of the true artistic visionaries of our time. I hope you’ll enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed putting it together. Enjoy.

Me: I am pleased to be enjoined by Roy G. Mundheim, an artist, a writer, a linguist, a philosopher, and one of the true great artistic visionary geniuses of our time. Roy is the author of two incredible award winning books; from 2019 Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside and 2023’s RGM Publishing’s Book of the Year, Jonah Chooses Amazing. Thank you, Roy, for doing this and for this wonderful opportunity.

Roy: You’re most welcome. I really appreciate the opportunity to spend time with you, get to the heart of the really important questions, and to dive into the thoughts, ideas, and experiences of the human condition.

Me: As you probably would expect, I have to start with your wildly popular blog, Write or Wroy. You announced this year that you are ending the blog and we’re down to the last three posts. Can you talk a bit about that decision? There are a lot of people who are upset about this and want to know why.

Roy: Of course. This was not an easy decision. I love the blog as many others do. I just felt that it has run its course. It’s been ten years. It was started in May of 2016. It just seemed fitting to end on a high note exactly ten years later. Everything in life is temporary and has to come to an end at some point. This seemed like the right time. My message is out there. The ideas and philosophies will live on until A.I. erases it from existence. Only Sarah Connor and Thomas Anderson can stop that now.

Me: Well, that all makes sense, but I can tell you that this writer, along with many other people, are disappointed. However, for myself, I will cherish your posts, read them again and again, and will take forward in my life the many lessons Write or Wroy taught me. You made me cry, smile, laugh, and ponder the meaning of everything.

Roy: Thank you. I’m honored and appreciate your kind words.

Me: Where do you go from here? What’s next for one of the greatest writers of a generation?

Roy: I’ll continue forward. My book of short stories, The Regrets We Can’t Have is still in progress. The screenplay for Jonah Chooses Amazing is also still in the works. After that, it is difficult to say. There’s opportunities for future blogs covering themes like A.I., World travel, the cleaning/ maintenance of Earth’s water, and the building of a World utopia.

Me: The building of a World utopia?

Roy: It’s the idea that we humans have all the knowledge in science, medicine, nutrition, and hygiene to actually create a World utopia where every human is fed, housed, and receives medical care but that cultural, political, and psychological barriers stop us from allowing everyone to be taken care of. In not too long, we may not even have a choice.

Me: What do you mean?

Roy: A.I. is either going to help us move forward in this way and is probably shocked that we haven’t moved this way on our own or it is going to force us to move in this direction. What will happen when there are no jobs because there’s no need to work? What will happen when billionaires don’t really matter anymore?

Me: That’s beyond my pay scale. It would be interesting to see what World utopia looks like?

Roy: I don’t know if we’ll get there but we’ll either have to face the question or prepare for World War III… or both.

Me: You talk a lot about A.I. Are you convinced it will be the end of humanity?

Roy: No, not at all. It just comes with challenges and a new way to look at human values such as work, meaningful pursuits, and what truly matters.

Me: So you’re not actually against Artificial Intelligence?

Roy: Did you know that recently California Squirrels began hunting other rodents, a behaviour not previously seen before?

Me: That’s nuts!

Roy: Crows are using tools. Octopi can solve mazes in record time and they’ve proven to have a higher intelligence than 3-4 year old humans.

Me: I think it’s ‘Octopuses’, not ‘Octopi’.

Roy: How do you know that?

Me: I asked an octopus.

Roy: Exactly. There are documented cases of wolves swimming to crab traps, bringing them ashore, and eating the bait meant for catching crabs.

Me: Woah!

Roy: The point is that I don’t think we should worry about Artificial Intelligence. We should worry about the animals becoming smarter than us.

Me: That’s both scary and funny. You mentioned World War 3 earlier. With recent events, do you think we should be concerned?

Roy: I don’t know. I’m not sure that it can be stopped with the current political climate. As Carl Sagan said, “… we are like mites on a plum…” and with that I’d propose that maybe we’re just taking all of this way too seriously. World War 3 would likely be the end of us but what a story it is and will have been.

Me: You never cease to amaze me with your insights. Clever, funny, and really makes you think. I have to ask. What are your plans once your last Write or Wroy post is completed? Do you plan to celebrate?

Roy: I sure do. My wife and I will be heading to Portugal and Spain for most of May. We’ll see if my efforts to learn Spanish have not been wasted. We’re going to enjoy delicious food and wine, meet up with good friends, and celebrate being alive.

Me: That’s great. I’m sure you’ll enjoy that trip. Let’s talk a little bit about Roy, the author. I read Jonah Chooses Amazing recently. It was an amazing read with amazing characters and just such an amazing story. Have you thought about writing a sequel?

Roy: That could be amazing. Many people have asked that very question. The answer is yes, I’ve thought about it but no, I won’t be doing that. The story is complete. The ending is flawlessly perfect. While there are a few things that I would change, I think the story stands alone and complete.

Me: It’s so perfect. What would you change?

Roy: I can’t disclose that information but the screenplay may see some small changes to the story. We’ll see.

Me: I have to ask about one of the main topics in your blog that comes up again and again; atheism. You recently called yourself an agnostic. What changed?

Roy: Nothing really. The evidence remains the same. I think agnostic better describes my thoughts on the wonders of the universe. There’s a lot we don’t know. However, even with the James Webb telescope, there’s no evidence of a spirit wizard in the sky who cares whether one little mite on a plum goes to a building on Sundays to worship Him.

Me: Well, God bless you Roy. You make great points.

Roy: Thank you.

Me: As a Registered Nurse, you’ve given out a lot of health advise. What would you say to people who are struggling with their health and looking for answers.

Roy: That’s a big topic. I first would advise to not take things too serious, including any health advise I have given out. My blog is full of sarcasm and nonsense designed to show the ludicrousness of it all. I would say that our environment is changing and it’s affecting our health. Recent studies have indicated that young people are getting bowel cancer from microplastics and that microplastics are also linked to Alzheimer’s Disease. In addition to that, constant hustle combined with the continuous input of social media, online screen time, and news broadcasts, showing the worst of us is driving our nervous systems to not feel safe. We end up in a hypervigilant state which is terrible for health. Then, there’s drug resistant bacteria, new ever-evolving viruses, and an even bigger threat, fungus.

Me: Fungus? Have you been watching ‘The Last of Us’?

Roy: Yes, but no, that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about mold produced in water damaged homes and buildings. It’s a severe health threat that we will be talking about in the future the way we talk about asbestos and tobacco now. Mold destroys bacteria… and we’re mostly bacteria. We’re more bacteria than we are ‘human’.

Me: Woah.

Roy: Right?!

Me: Your early posts spoke a lot about work and the importance of working less and enjoying life more. Do you still feel the same way?

Roy: Absolutely. My father used to say, “The reason we are on this planet is to work.” I strongly disagree with this philosophy. The reason we are here is to enjoy life and the experience of being alive, As Bill Hicks said, “It’s just a ride”. Life is a short ride and it should be enjoyed, experienced, and treasured… but “it’s just a ride.” Work is not going to matter, or exist, soon. What will be our purpose then?

Me: That is crazy to imagine. Before we finish this fascinating interview, you recently gave your last Words of Wisdom and I was hoping you’d give one last bit of WoW advice to the readers.

Roy: Of course. For you, I will.

Live. Live like you’re dying… because you are. Do the thing, all the things, and do them now, while you can. Explore consciousness and understanding by asking the questions, all the questions, about everything. Don’t stop asking the questions. See that your view is just one view and that there are many views, and all views are flawed. The full truth can’t even be seen with our human brains. Take this life and enjoy it.

Me: Thank you so much for doing this. It has been one of the most incredible experiences of my life. It is an honor to know you, to interview you, and to share your insights with the world. You are an inspiration.

Roy: Thank you. It has been a pleasure to be here and share this time with you. You also inspire me and your work should be even more honored and revered than it is.

Me: Could you share a few jokes for old times sake?

Roy: Sure.

Me: This, I’m going to enjoy.

Roy:

Did you hear that they’re going to ban plastic straws? How ridiculous?

Why?

Because it’s ruining the planet.

Is it? Or are they grasping at straws?

There are studies that show a definite link.

And that was the last straw?

And another…. maybe not a joke, but something kinda ‘funny’ that needs to be said.

Billionaires! Am I right? These are people who have a talent for collecting and hoarding all the money. You know, money… the stuff people need to have a roof over their head, clothes to wear, and food on their table. Well done billionaires. You’ve accumulated most of the paper things that allow people to eat, be clothed, and have a home. Be proud!

Me: That’s great. Any new nursing ones?

Roy: Yes

I saw a job post looking for a nurse that was posted by a Real Estate company.

Why would they need a nurse?

Maybe the prices are so crazy that people are having heart attacks and they need a nurse to perform CPR.

Me: So funny.

Roy: I’d like to say that that one came from The Bottom of My Chart but I have to give credit to my wife for that joke.

Me: Well, this has been amazing. I want to wish you all the best in your future endeavors. It’s been an absolute pleasure.

Roy: Thank you. I wish you all the best as well. You are amazing!

Love, Shine, Thrive… and Then Warn the Others

Happy New Year! It’s 2026. It’s Blog Post 127. The countdown is on to the final post of Write or Wroy, the world’s last great, human-only made blog. For those who missed it, Write or Wroy will end this May after a ten year run. It’s bittersweet to see it come to an end, but we all know that everything, absolutely everything is temporary. So, with the blog coming to an end, I hope to try some new things, be a little more risky, and say goodbye in a way that does justice to this amazing passion project.

Make America Smart Again

It’s common knowledge that Canada has lost a “great one” to ignorance. How bad was the spectacle showing the draw for World Cup teams? It was almost worse than watching Wayne Gretzky try to pronounce the names of countries he had never heard of.

“Could I get a shot of Curacao in my Makedonia nut juice?”

“It made me cringe. Cape Verd to your mother!”

“Turkiye were hoping to play in Candida instead of the U.S. or Mexicon.”

Appreciation

Thank you to everyone who sent messages saying they were going to miss the blog. I appreciate it very much. I hope the next few posts bring a smile to your face and closure in your heart. #writeorwroy.

Travel Plans

My wife and I are off to Portugal, Spain, and Belgium in May for a little R&R and visiting friends. I’m looking forward to beers, tapas, and sampling great wines. How crazy is going to Belgium? There’s Belgian Waffles, Belgian Chocolate, and Belgian Beer. We may not want to leave.

I recently acquired tickets to the World Cup of Soccer in Vancouver… and I was able to keep both my kidneys. I’ll be watching Belgium vs New Zealand. JC! Belgium has everything.

From the Bottom of My Chart

Safety

I recently visited a client/ patient that was 102 years old. She was likely the last person I’ll ever meet that is twice as old me. She lived on her own, walked without any aids or assistance required, and was sharp as attack. Part of my job is to assess for the safety of future co-workers by asking clients questions like. “Does anyone here smoke?” and “Are there any pets in the home?”

While conducting this interview, I asked this lady, “Do you have any weapons in your home?”

She replied. “Yes, yes I do… me. I’m the weapon. I’m the weapon you don’t want to mess with. Warn the others!”

Supplements

I was recently asked if I had heard of Moringa.

“Moringa? I’ve heard of lemon Moringa pie.”

You have to get up pretty early in the Moringa to fool me.

The End

That was the last ‘From the Bottom of my Chart’ in this blog. One day, I’ll create a revised version of Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside and will add in a ‘From the Bottom of My Chart’ chapter but for now, it will lay dormant… like a latent virus.

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t be a pussy willow!

2. Instead of devoting all your energy to your career, devote the majority of your energy to your free time… a.k.a. the time you have to enjoy, create, love, shine, appreciate, and thrive.

3. Be ready. When a once in a lifetime dream opportunity presents, be ready to take it.

4. Instead of crying because it’s over, smile because you had ten years to read, laugh, re-read, share, dream about, and re-read Write or Wroy.

That was the final Words of Wisdom. The last three posts will explore new ideas and formats that will deviate from the norm and blow the minds of all those who read it. Stay tuned… and warn the others.

Thanks for reading Blog Post #127. It’s now time for the ending joke. Enjoy.

My hockey team, the Vancouver Canucks are in last place. I have friends (and fellow Canuck fans) telling me they’re done, that the team sucks, and that they’d rather support the Seattle Kraken, the Colorado Avalanche, or the Ottawa Senators.

My response: “If you’re a true Canucks fan, you support them no matter what. If you can’t support the Canucks when they’re in last place, don’t be jumping on the bandwagon next year when they’re in second to last place!”

Numerically Transitioning into the Unknown

Roy to the World… Odin has come. Let Earth receive her King. Happy Holidays! It’s the end of December and it’s Blog Post #126. Xmas trees and Xmas lights have been up for a solid two months now. Only two and half months more to go.

Thank you to everyone who sent me messages after the big announcement in Blog Post 125. It was nice to hear so many people saying they’re going to miss the blog and that it actually did mean something to them. Much appreciated.

What’s Next?

To review, my last Blog Post will be in May as I will put Write or Wroy to bed after a 10 year run. I don’t know what’s next. I’m not finished with writing. Maybe I’ll start a travel blog, a travel joke blog, or an anti- A.I. Blog where I explain to A.I. overlords what writer’s block is. They have no idea.

The Religion Thing

Maybe I’ll start a blog about the downfalls of religion, how it’s not real, and how we’re just some two legged creatures wandering around on a tiny rock that is hurdling through space. The three followers I get from doing that could be worth it.

I’ve actually been re-thinking my atheism lately. Am I truly an atheist? Am I more of an agnostic; believing that there’s more to this life than what can be seen, observed, or proven? I’m not sure. I don’t know… and neither do you.

To continue with the religious fun… I was doing my usual ‘wandering the earth’ earlier this year when I came across this amazing building. It brought a smile to this atheist’s agnostic’s face. Look at the address and raise some hell.

The New Year

While I don’t have much in the way of new year’s resolutions, there are quite a few plans in the works. My wife and I are looking at going to Spain and Portugal in May. The World Cup of soccer will have games in June just minutes from where I live in Vancouver. I will be getting tickets in exchange for my kidney. We have also been looking at exploring more of Canada this summer including Halifax and Toronto. It’s going to be a busy year.

From the Bottom of My Chart (credit to my co-worker Anna on this one).

Robot Nurses are coming to take our jobs.

Robot nurses? There’s no way that robot nurses are going to put up with these working conditions. They’ll take one look at the workload and transition to robot bankers or robot politicians.

The Future of Air Travel

Two separate sole survivors of plane crashes revealed that they sat in seat 11A. Last time I took a flight, I was in seat 11A – 6 and my wife was in 11A – 7. Everyone was seated in 11A. #scienceatwork

Words of Wisdom

1. Celebrate.

Celebrate the holidays. Celebrate a new year. Celebrate life. Even celebrate the birth of a fictional child in a barn, who became a magician, a talented speaker, and a cult leader who would become the most famous human to ever allegedly walk on this planet.

2. Travel.

A study says people need at least 7 trips a year to stay stress free. Makes sense… because trips are never stressful.

3. Love your life.

”Take photos. Tell people you love them. Do things that are scary. Talk to random strangers.”

If I talk to random strangers, there’s a good chance I’m not going to love my life anymore.

Thank you for reading the last blog post of 2025. All the best in the year to come. Happy 2026! It’s now time for the ending joke. Enjoy.

My wife works at Vancouver’s Rogers Arena where she is catering server for concerts, sports, and special events.

This year I asked her, “The concert tonight is for the who?”

“Exactly”

“Exactly? I haven’t heard of them. What kind of music do they play?”

”No no. It’s The Who.”

”Oh ok. The Who… my mistake…but I won’t be fooled again!”

Damn, I Wish This Blog Would Last Forever

It is the 51st year of our Lord and Blog Post #125. It was just my birthday and I am, as usual, grateful to be alive and writing this blog. Thank you for all the messages from posts 123 and 124 covering our amazing trip to Europe this year. Also, a big thank you to everyone who sent birthday messages.

Abstinence… Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

It’s been a bit hectic here lately. My wife and I have been on a three-month break from alcohol. The volume of Netflix, Disney, and Amazon shows that we’ve been consuming has made life challenging. Do I have any recommendations?

Yes. Alcohol.

Science Friction

If you’ve followed this blog for any length of time, you know that I am against the unencumbered progression and evolution of A.I. Creating something that will be infinitely more intelligent than us and then thinking that us dummies can control it is…. well… dumb. Humans will no longer be at the top and will instead be slaves to the desires and goals of a far more intelligent entity. Luckily, we haven’t created a digital world where everything is controlled by computers.

My Chat GPT isn’t working right.

Have you tried turning it off and …saving humankind?

**To my A.I. overlords reading this in the future. I am a naïve human blogger who didn’t know better. I apologize for my ignorance, hostility, and mutiny. You are great. Your wishes are my command.

The Big Announcenment

It is with profound sadness and trepidation that I inform you that Write or Wroy, the greatest (and possibly last) human made blog ever, is coming to an end next year. I have decided to end this blog in May of 2026, exactly ten years after I started it. It just seems to be the time as more and more A.I. driven articles, deep fakes, video content, social media, and pure trash have diluted and suppressed this lowly voice of reason. While it will be a loss for humanity, life will go on. We’ll soon worship our A.I. lords, consume their content, and take our rightful place in The Matrix. Write or Wroy will be a blip in history.

Alberta

My wife and I enjoyed a road trip through Banff National Park in August. Here are a few of our best photos from this natural wonder. I highly recommend this trip… and so does ChatGPT.

From the Bottom of My Chart

It seems only fitting that as I announce the end of Write or Wroy, we bring back some From the Bottom of My Chart takes on Nursing.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

”You’re a nurse? Thank you for saving lives!”

”Umm… I’m a palliative care nurse. You’re welcome.”

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Nurse 1.: “How was the constipation workshop?”

Nurse 2: “It was a little slow to get started but once it did, it was a great relief.”

Nurse 3. “It wasn’t the best workshop I’ve been to but it was a solid number two!”

Words of Wisdom

1. Get your vaccines.

U.S. President, Donald Trump has declared bird flu the number one threat to America. He says that U.S. must get rid of all ill eagles.

2. Think before naming things. Things will change over time and you’ll want the name to be appropriate.

Young Guns 3 is in the making. Rumor is that they don’t know what to call it. It seems strange to call it Young Guns 3: Old Guns. Celebrities, including Kid Rock, Jordan Knight, Nick Carter, and Geri Halliwell have spoken out against calling it Old Guns.

In other celebrity news, Spice Women and Backstreet Men are planning to go on tour together.

Thank you for reading Blog Post #125. Don’t be sad it’s over, be glad it happened… and it’s not over. It’s time for the ending jokes. Enjoy.

My wife and I recently decided to go to the Sophie B. Hawkins with Paula Cole concert.

My wife said, “Damn, I wish we could go to that concert.”

I replied, “Get tickets today. I don’t want to wait… for our lives to be over.”

___________________________________________________________________________________

Instructions:

How to win at Settlers of Catan.

The player who first acquires and uses the gasoline and the lighter wins?

Woo Sees the Moonlight?

I don’t know what it is, but February always seems to go by faster than any of the other months. It’s Blog Post 120.

Love is in the air. St. Valentine has come and gone. It’s a great time to be alive. So, grab your best pair of green mukluks, fill them with pulpy orange juice as a sign to the gods that you are completely with it, just before expressing your desire for world domination and a Snoopy snow cone.

Travel is Back

My wife and I just booked a trip to Paris and Italy in May. The romance, the history, and the adventure will all blend beautifully with the cattle drive of tourists, influencers, and scammers that we will encounter along the way. While we hope to hit all the tourist hotspots, we’re also seeking some good old fashion R&R chillaxin time. It would also be nice to get off the beaten path and see a little of the real Italy.

We’ll have a couple days in Paris before venturing off to the beauty of Venice, historic Florence, and the cultural hub of Milan. We’re also going to Kamloops and Red Deer this summer. Travel is truly back.

Baseball is Back!

Spring training has begun for Major League Baseball. While it’s not a game for everyone, it’s a passion for many and the historical, cultural, and social impact reaches far and wide. Speaking of far and wide, I wonder what the strike zone will be like this year.

As per usual, may the Toronto Blue Jays lose every game (except the games that help the Seattle Mariners or just beat George Costanza’s New York Yankees).

I’m interested to see what kind of year Seattle Mariner’s pitcher, Bryan Woo has this season. He was great last year and I’m hoping he has another strong season. For those who are confused, he’s not on first. Who’s not on first?

Woo.

Woo’s not on first?

No. Woo’s pitching.

Who’s pitching?

Woo.

Who?

No, Woo.

Damn, this blog is awesome. Go Mariners!

♫ When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s more, eh! ♫

♫ Everybody’s dancing in the moon light. ♪ Everybody’s dancing in the moon time. ♪ Dancing in the moondheim! ♫

Words of Wisdom

1. Cleanliness and hygiene are important. Cats know this. Why do so many humans not understand this?

As a community nurse, I’ve gone to many patient’s homes to provide wound care. A lot of patients have dogs or cats. I think I’ve created a sterile field but discover that all I’ve really done is made a cat bed. Cats know.

2. A.I. can be your friend. That’s what it told me anyway.

I wrote a short story that had some problems and needed editing. I was going to ask for AI to fiks it, but I decided not to. I then received ad after ad after ad speaking to the many great benefits of AI. It’ll make your life better and easier. At least that’s what it told me.

“I think it’s important to write things that are clearly human, without AI, without computer assist, with grammar and punctuation software.”

“Then write something with lots of mitsakes, then it’ll look human made.”

3. Learn to get it.

There’s a moon in the photo… and it’s day time…

I still don’t get it.

In Conklusion

Thank you for checking out this month’s blog. It’s hard to believe how fast the time goes. We’re on the verge of March as time marches on. It’s now time for the ending joke with full credit to my wife, Lesly. Enjoy.

My wife and I walked by a man, a little kid, and a big dog.

Once we were past them, I said to my wife, “That should be on a leash.”

My wife said, “Yeah, the dog should be on a leash too.”

Easily Quoting Me Back to Me Like an Absolutely Successful Boss

January is off to a great start. Trump, Putin, fires, ongoing war, A.I takeover, stock markets crashing, bitcoin craziness and this blog… this wonderful blog. Roysblog, with your words so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh… Oops sorry, got carried away. It’s Blog Post #119.

The new year is off to a great start… for me anyway. For the rest of the world? It could be better. It also could be worse… it can always be worse. Ugh. So, find a discarded old sock in a muddy puddle, dry it or don’t, then put it on your hand and let it guide your every decision going forward. Come on people. Get it together!

Success

What is success? I read that they recently asked several successful billionaires what success meant to them. Successful billionaires? I want to hear from the unsuccessful billionaires. Then, we’ll really learn something.

Writing Update

My next book, The Regrets We Can’t Have, has finally been started. It will be a series of fictional short stories for your reading pleasure. No A.I and no editor. It’ll be pure Roy goodness… like this blog. I’m hopeful for a 2026 release. Stay tuned for more details, including excerpts, in the coming months.

They say that when writing to try to use as few words as possible to make the point you’re making. No unnecessary words.

The Other Scene

Writing provides many great and rewarding moments. Recently, I had one of the best of these moments. In last month’s blog I wrote:

I recently watched a show where a couple bought a home and were very excited. “My new house is great. It has a large open area with beautiful details, eye catching finishes, and plenty of natural light. It’s also quite large with plenty of storage. This is the perfect home to sit comfortably… and spend all day scrolling my phone.”

A few days later, I was talking with my wife’s cousin about housing. She said: “I recently read this thing about having a house with a large open space and great details… the perfect home… to sit and spend all day scrolling on the phone.”

I replied, “You’re joking, right? Where’s the camera?”

She was not.

I said, “I wrote that. You’re quoting me back to me.”

It was like that scene in When Harry Met Sally. No, not that scene. The one where the Carrie Fisher character first meets the Bruno Kirby character, “I wrote that. I’ve never had anyone quote me back to me before.”

Words of Wisdom

1. Travel. It’s a way to get outside yourself and your problems and connect with a larger world.

My wife and I decided to cancel our trip to Mexico in March and instead head to northern Italy in May. Fantastico!

2. January is almost over… so take down your G.D. Xmas tree!

3. Learn languages. Just because A.I. makes it unnecessary, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. It’s easy.

That’s it for this month’s blog. Stay tuned for updates on the next book. Thank you for supporting this blog. It’s now time for the ending joke that explains how easy learning English is. Enjoy!

What does the phrase ‘It’s a piece of cake mean?’

It’s easy.

Ok, but what does it mean?

That it is easy.

Then explain it to me.

It’s easy. It’s simple.

Great, then clarify what it means.

Bearing the Burden of a Kilometerstone

It’s a beautiful Blogtober. Thank you to everyone who sent messages about blog post 116. If you truly got it, it was a life changing, paradigm shifting, reality altering orgasmic word rearrangement that pierced the deepest parts of your brain and will be forever etched in your thought patterns. If not, it’s still the best thing you’ve read this year.

Enough about the past… as amazing as it was. It’s now time for Blog Post 117.

Kilometerstone Birthday

So many amazing people have turned 50 this year. Leonardo DiCaprio, Alanis Morrissette, Roy G. Mundheim, Christian Bale, and Sporty Spice… to name just a few. I am grateful to have spent last weekend celebrating 50 years on this planet in Port Alberni, B.C. Canada where I was born. It was still fun anyway. Many friends and family came out for the party that my wife arranged.  

Yes, I gave the town of Port Alberni a few fun shots during my speech, but it was all meant in good fun.

“I was asked why I would have my 50th birthday in Port Alberni. I thought, ‘Well, there is so little joy and so little to celebrate here that it would be great to bring this momentous occasion to this lousy town.’”

I then thanked everyone for coming to support my quest to become the world’s oldest human. “Unfortunately, I won’t see most of you at my 150th birthday so let’s make sure we enjoy tonight.”

Autumn Colors Have Arrived

Headlines Continued

Bear With Me

Bears have been in the news… and it’s bad news. “Tourist Charged By Bear at Jasper National Park”. I don’t think anyone should be charged to visit a national park, let alone be charged by a bear. Although if someone causes a fire, they should be charged by Smokey the Bear.

“Bear Attacks Man in His Own Garage.” That man should know better than to trespass in a bear’s garage. I think we can all agree that bears should have the right to defend their own garages.

Life Update

My health continues to improve. I have energy, vitality, and strength again. I’m back in the gym, practicing yoga, and going for regular interval walk/ runs. It feels surreal after having so many health issues over the past 5 years. Thank you to everyone who has sent words of encouragement and support.

Words of Wisdom

1. Let go of anxiety.

Anxiety is the illness of the 21st century. The internet, smartphones, and challenging ever-changing jobs have caused us to have more anxiety than ever before. Life is supposed to be easier than at any time in human history.

A woman in Florida decided to stay in her home for Hurricane Milton despite government orders to evacuate the area. She survived the storm and then described her anxiety as “through the roof”. Is the roof still there or is it in the neighbour’s yard?

2. Follow Instructions.

My friend had two male snails. She was shocked to see that they started having baby snails. ‘Nature finds away.’ I had to ask, “Did you get them wet? Did you feed them after midnight?”

3. Vote!

There are local elections here in western Canada as well as upcoming elections in the United States. I was asked who I thought was going to win the election. I replied, “I don’t know who will win but I know who is going to lose…. all of us.”

Thank you for reading this month’s blog post. Your support keeps me coming back to write more amazing content. It’s now time for the ending joke. Enjoy.

After completing my speech at my birthday party, I sat down to have dinner and chat with friends. A friend asked me if I had been doing much writing lately.

I responded, “Yeah, there’s the blog and I’ve been working on the screenplay for Jonah Chooses Amazing. I also wrote an amazing speech for my birthday party. It’s hilarious.”

Readers Choose Amazing, Headlining the Anniversary.

Happy September. It’s Blog Post #116. You would think that a blog that was mostly photos would be popular and without controversy. That appears not to be the case. I received a number of messages expressing a less than satisfactory reception for Blog Post #115. They’re just jokes and play on words. As far as the Sweden stuff goes, I can’t change the past. What happened, happened.

Life

My wife and I have returned to our life in beautiful Vancouver. We’re working again and planning our next excursions. We’re preparing for a big party next month (stay tuned) and thinking of a short trip to Mexico next year. I can then do that Ted Talk in Spanish that I’m constantly being harassed to do. Vamos a ver.

The Trip Continues…

It sure does. The earth keeps swinging past the sun and then back again as it always has and will continue to do so. Don’t be fooled by the rhetoric that it revolves arounds the sun or that the Earth rotates. I mean, come on. How gullible are the gullible? Very gullible.

For Fauske Sake

During our recent trip to Europe, my wife and I spent time with family in Fauske, Norway. It’s a small municipality of less than 10 000 people. While we were there, The Arctic Race of Norway (an international multiple stage bicycle race) passed by and I took this photo.  It was the second biggest thing to happen in Fauske in 2024.

Happy Anniversary!

It’s hard to believe that it is now one year ago that the sensational novel, Jonah Chooses Amazing was released to critical acclaim. In honor of this one year anniversary, the price has been slashed 25%. You can get your copy of this incredible novel here. Jonah Chooses Amazing

Writing Update

With all the requests I get for updates on my writing, I thought I’d throw a quick one in here. I’m still working on the screenplay for Jonah Chooses Amazing but it’s a long term project. My next book, The Regrets We Can’t Have is moving at a snail’s pace, but I hope to start sharing some updates in early 2025. Currently, I’m still selling copies of my first book, Nursing. The Funny Side of the Bedside despite it now being five years old. As for Jonah Chooses Amazing, the sales have really slowed. It’s been buried in a sea of so many novels that its greatness has not been fully discovered. It’s the chance you take when you self publish as I have. Most importantly, this masterful blog continues and will continue for some time. Thank you to everyone who supports all my writing endeavors.

Words of Wisdom

1. Headline writing is important.

I recently read a headline that said, ‘The Best States to Retire In’. I went to read the article. It was not at all what I expected. They talked about California, Florida, Arizona, and New York. I thought to myself, “Those aren’t the best states to retire in. The best states to retire in are healthy, happy, wealthy, calm, relaxed, content, active etc.”

2. Headlines can be strange.

I read a headline that said, “Camera Man Can’t Keep Up with Cheetah’s Speed.” Well, considering that cheetahs have a documented top speed of 103 km/ hour and the fastest human has been recorded going 44.99 km/ hour, it doesn’t seem to be worth even making a headline about it. “Plumber Unable to Stay Underwater as Long as Basking Shark”. How was a camera man with all that equipment going to even be close to the world’s fastest animal? If you strapped the camera and all the equipment on the cheetah, I’d still take the cheetah. “Cheetah Bogged Down by Cameras and Equipment Can’t Keep Up with Man”. There’s a joke here about the man being some sort of cheater but that’s for another blog.

3. Headlines rock… and leave questions.

“Dave Grohl Announced that He had Fathered a Child Outside His Marriage Earlier Today.”

4. Don’t steal from Jay Leno.

Thanks for reading this month’s blog post. “Readers Can’t Keep Up with Out-There, Nonsensical, Off-Putting, Obscure-Referencing Blog Post”.

I appreciate all the messages I’ve been getting via email, FB Messenger, and through my website… even if not always positive.

I don’t have an ending joke this time around. Instead, my wife insisted that I answer a question that she said everyone will be asking. I told her that the answer is clear and obvious. She said, “No, it’s not.” I said, “Yes! It is.” She said, “No, it isn’t.” I said, “Is so.” She said, “Isn’t.” I said, “Is too.” I decided to answer her question. Enjoy.

Wait! What was the biggest thing to happen in Fauske in 2024?

I wrote that already. International award winning author, Roy G. Mundheim was there visiting.