Tag: satire

Bologna Post Part 1

It’s as easy as A, B, C.. It’s Blog Post #1-2-3. My apologies for missing May’s post but there were extenuating circumstances beyond my control. My wife and I spent most of May in France, Italy, and Switzerland just to bring you this content.

Disappointment

After failing to win the vote to be Prime Minister of Canada, I decided to travel to Italy to put my name forward as the next Pope. We travelled to Venice expecting that there would be a lot of media and hype around my campaign to be the first atheist Pope in history.

Venice 2025

There was no hype. I found out later that the paparazzi had gathered to greet me but that they expected me in Vatican City, not Venice. This was my mistake and lead to me no longer being considered for the next Pope. Their loss. I would have been a Pope for the people.

France

Before arriving in Venice, my wife and I enjoyed a day and a half in Paris, France.

Notre Dame 2025

Of course we went to the iconic Notre Dame. It’s a bit surprising that even the French are getting into burning churches. For the record, I’m against burning churches. They’re often wonderful buildings with amazing architecture… it’s just unfortunate what they’re used for.

That Guy Is Crazy

There was a guy swimming the entire length of this river. Some people thought he was a hero. I just thought he was in Seine.

Paris 2025

Verona, Bahama, Come on Pretty Mama…

We travelled from Venice to Verona where we stayed a few days. Verona contains the home and tomb of Juliet from Romeo and Juliet. This seems strange to me as Romeo and Juliet is a fictional story. It would be like having grave site for Anakin Skywalker or Maude Flanders. C’mon Roy, Anakin was born on Tattooine and Maude has a grave site in Springfield.

Juliette’s Tomb, 2025

Roy-mio, Roy-mio, wherefore art thou Roy-mio?

The Prince Saves the Day

Rumor has it that there is a princess in this castle guarded by a fire breathing dragon and that one day a prince will come and save her. I briefly thought about trying to save her but then I saw an ogre and a donkey heading that way. She’s in good hands.

Castelvecchio, 2025

A Bunch of Bologna

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A Great Dave in Florence

From Bologna, we made our way to Florence. The main highlight was to go to the Galleria dell’ Accademia di Firence.

I know a lot of Daves… These are the Daves I know I know. These are the Daves I know. Some of them are David but most of them are Dave…

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Words of Wisdom

  1. Try Bolognese in Bologna.
  2. Eat Florentine steak in Florence.
  3. Skip Venison in Venice.

Thanks for reading and looking at Blog Post 123, a less than comprehensive overview of my recent trip to Europe. I suspect that there may be a part two coming soon. Stay tuned. After this serious pictorial record of travels in France and Italy, it’s time for a little humor. If you get it, you get it. Capisce? Enjoy.

I took a pill in Pisa. To show Da Vinci I was cool. And when I finally got sober, felt ten years older. But, screw it. It was something to do. I’m living out in Bari. I drive a Ferrari just to prove. I’m a real Italian scholar ’cause I made a million Euros. And I spend it on pasta and booze…

Confused? Click here.

Tarrific Response to the Rise of Tyranny

Time Marches on. Just for fun, it’s Blog Post One Two One. Thank you to everyone who Liked and commented on Blog Post 120. It was a fun post to write as I continue the fight… to have less rhymes in these posts.

The World continues to run as smoothly as ever. People of all countries holding hands, celebrating their differences, and embracing common ground. It was a dream I had.

Travelling Near and Far

My wife and I just enjoyed six days on Vancouver Island visiting friends and family.

People sometimes don’t realize how big Vancouver Island really is. My wife and I got married in the city of Campbell River. We had guests that booked a hotel in Victoria thinking that “it can’t be that far away.” I’m sure they enjoyed the scenic three hour drive on their way to being late.

How big is Vancouver Island?

“How big is Portugal?” is a similar question.

Think ‘Nine Hour Drive’ from south Vancouver Island to north Vancouver Island.

The Legal Battle Begins

My team has been consulting for weeks to decide if we are going to file a lawsuit vs the HBO/ Crave television show, The Pitt. I think it’s obvious that this show is taken directly from the book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside. When they introduced the joke-telling Neurologist, it sealed the deal that our lawsuit will have to move forward. A GoFundMe will be initiated shortly.

We Were Friends

Politics is big in the world of political news lately. Now the United States of America… or as I call them, ‘The Southern Territories’… have started a trade war with Canada; kind, friendly, supportive Canada. His highness, Don Trump has imposed 25% tariffs on imported Canadian goods. He has also, out loud, with his mouth, said that he would like Canada to be the 51st state.

In response to this tariff, I am declaring a 25% tariff on all sales of my books to Donald Trump or Elon Musk. Should either of them attempt to purchase Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside or Jonah Chooses Amazing, a tariff of 25% will be imposed.

That’s how a true Canadian responds to these American bullies. Oh, and they also aren’t eligible for a Jonah Chooses Amazing bookmark… even if they ask.

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t stress.

Have you ever been stressed about the stress that you know will come when you are going to be stressing about the stress that is coming?

2. Live your best life to the best of your ability.

Have you ever been enjoying your best life, having a great time and then someone comes along and ruins it with words like obscene, vulgar, or illegal?

Thanks for reading this month’s blog. It’s now time for the ending joke. Although it can be improved, I do think it has the bones for a pretty good joke. Enjoy.

There is a lot of talk about the United States and Canada joining together to become one country. However, surveys have shown that many people on both sides of the border are against it.

In the most recent survey of Canadians, 71% did not want America to become the 11th Province of Canada.

In a follow up survey of Americans, 89% did not want America to become the 18th State of Canada.

Woo Sees the Moonlight?

I don’t know what it is, but February always seems to go by faster than any of the other months. It’s Blog Post 120.

Love is in the air. St. Valentine has come and gone. It’s a great time to be alive. So, grab your best pair of green mukluks, fill them with pulpy orange juice as a sign to the gods that you are completely with it, just before expressing your desire for world domination and a Snoopy snow cone.

Travel is Back

My wife and I just booked a trip to Paris and Italy in May. The romance, the history, and the adventure will all blend beautifully with the cattle drive of tourists, influencers, and scammers that we will encounter along the way. While we hope to hit all the tourist hotspots, we’re also seeking some good old fashion R&R chillaxin time. It would also be nice to get off the beaten path and see a little of the real Italy.

We’ll have a couple days in Paris before venturing off to the beauty of Venice, historic Florence, and the cultural hub of Milan. We’re also going to Kamloops and Red Deer this summer. Travel is truly back.

Baseball is Back!

Spring training has begun for Major League Baseball. While it’s not a game for everyone, it’s a passion for many and the historical, cultural, and social impact reaches far and wide. Speaking of far and wide, I wonder what the strike zone will be like this year.

As per usual, may the Toronto Blue Jays lose every game (except the games that help the Seattle Mariners or just beat George Costanza’s New York Yankees).

I’m interested to see what kind of year Seattle Mariner’s pitcher, Bryan Woo has this season. He was great last year and I’m hoping he has another strong season. For those who are confused, he’s not on first. Who’s not on first?

Woo.

Woo’s not on first?

No. Woo’s pitching.

Who’s pitching?

Woo.

Who?

No, Woo.

Damn, this blog is awesome. Go Mariners!

♫ When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s more, eh! ♫

♫ Everybody’s dancing in the moon light. ♪ Everybody’s dancing in the moon time. ♪ Dancing in the moondheim! ♫

Words of Wisdom

1. Cleanliness and hygiene are important. Cats know this. Why do so many humans not understand this?

As a community nurse, I’ve gone to many patient’s homes to provide wound care. A lot of patients have dogs or cats. I think I’ve created a sterile field but discover that all I’ve really done is made a cat bed. Cats know.

2. A.I. can be your friend. That’s what it told me anyway.

I wrote a short story that had some problems and needed editing. I was going to ask for AI to fiks it, but I decided not to. I then received ad after ad after ad speaking to the many great benefits of AI. It’ll make your life better and easier. At least that’s what it told me.

“I think it’s important to write things that are clearly human, without AI, without computer assist, with grammar and punctuation software.”

“Then write something with lots of mitsakes, then it’ll look human made.”

3. Learn to get it.

There’s a moon in the photo… and it’s day time…

I still don’t get it.

In Conklusion

Thank you for checking out this month’s blog. It’s hard to believe how fast the time goes. We’re on the verge of March as time marches on. It’s now time for the ending joke with full credit to my wife, Lesly. Enjoy.

My wife and I walked by a man, a little kid, and a big dog.

Once we were past them, I said to my wife, “That should be on a leash.”

My wife said, “Yeah, the dog should be on a leash too.”

Easily Quoting Me Back to Me Like an Absolutely Successful Boss

January is off to a great start. Trump, Putin, fires, ongoing war, A.I takeover, stock markets crashing, bitcoin craziness and this blog… this wonderful blog. Roysblog, with your words so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh… Oops sorry, got carried away. It’s Blog Post #119.

The new year is off to a great start… for me anyway. For the rest of the world? It could be better. It also could be worse… it can always be worse. Ugh. So, find a discarded old sock in a muddy puddle, dry it or don’t, then put it on your hand and let it guide your every decision going forward. Come on people. Get it together!

Success

What is success? I read that they recently asked several successful billionaires what success meant to them. Successful billionaires? I want to hear from the unsuccessful billionaires. Then, we’ll really learn something.

Writing Update

My next book, The Regrets We Can’t Have, has finally been started. It will be a series of fictional short stories for your reading pleasure. No A.I and no editor. It’ll be pure Roy goodness… like this blog. I’m hopeful for a 2026 release. Stay tuned for more details, including excerpts, in the coming months.

They say that when writing to try to use as few words as possible to make the point you’re making. No unnecessary words.

The Other Scene

Writing provides many great and rewarding moments. Recently, I had one of the best of these moments. In last month’s blog I wrote:

I recently watched a show where a couple bought a home and were very excited. “My new house is great. It has a large open area with beautiful details, eye catching finishes, and plenty of natural light. It’s also quite large with plenty of storage. This is the perfect home to sit comfortably… and spend all day scrolling my phone.”

A few days later, I was talking with my wife’s cousin about housing. She said: “I recently read this thing about having a house with a large open space and great details… the perfect home… to sit and spend all day scrolling on the phone.”

I replied, “You’re joking, right? Where’s the camera?”

She was not.

I said, “I wrote that. You’re quoting me back to me.”

It was like that scene in When Harry Met Sally. No, not that scene. The one where the Carrie Fisher character first meets the Bruno Kirby character, “I wrote that. I’ve never had anyone quote me back to me before.”

Words of Wisdom

1. Travel. It’s a way to get outside yourself and your problems and connect with a larger world.

My wife and I decided to cancel our trip to Mexico in March and instead head to northern Italy in May. Fantastico!

2. January is almost over… so take down your G.D. Xmas tree!

3. Learn languages. Just because A.I. makes it unnecessary, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. It’s easy.

That’s it for this month’s blog. Stay tuned for updates on the next book. Thank you for supporting this blog. It’s now time for the ending joke that explains how easy learning English is. Enjoy!

What does the phrase ‘It’s a piece of cake mean?’

It’s easy.

Ok, but what does it mean?

That it is easy.

Then explain it to me.

It’s easy. It’s simple.

Great, then clarify what it means.