Blog Post #72 is now here to ring in a novel year.  Goodbye to 2020. It’s been a slice… a slice of meat pie made from bat, possum, and bullhead, served with a warm, stale non-alcoholic beer.  Year 2020 was one for the ages. It’s now time for a new year with new goals. It’s a year for more jokes, blog posts, and a novel to go with it. Happy New Year indeed. I took this photo at a nearby park in December 2020. There was actual sunshine in 2020?

The Spanish Resolution

It’s now been three years since I made a resolution to learn to speak Spanish fluently. People sometimes ask me how it’s going.

I answer, “Pas mal… assez bien.”

My plan is to have two versions of my blog, one in English and one in Spanish. Follow my blog and read along as I butcher the Spanish language.

Writing Awards

I’m excited to announce that I have won the 2020 RGM Publishing Award for Travel Writing for my article Watching Netflix in My Living Room. Click here to read the article in its entirety.

The End is Near

The Pandemic of 2020 has made for many challenges. It has shown our resilience, our strengths, our weaknesses, our ignorance, and our adaptability. It’s shown us who we really are. My wife hasn’t worked since March. I have been asked to work more and differently. There have been changes to protocols, procedures, and policies almost daily. It has been a stressful exercise in tackling the unknown. It’s forced us to be strong.

The vaccine is now here and there does appear light at the end of the tunnel. It’s hard to know how the public will respond and if there will be enough vaccinations completed to reach herd immunity. There is a lot of distrust of politicians and health experts.

Greg, a 41 year old, who lives in his mom’s basement, seems to be the authority on vaccines, social distancing, and masks. He will lead us through this pandemic. He says there’s no need for any of this vaccine and mask stuff.  Greg has suggested that we should just get more ICU beds. Apparently, Greg doesn’t understand that it’s not the bed that’s the problem. It’s the skilled, educated, and trained professionals that go with it. Otherwise, everyone could have an ICU bed in their home. That should be the plan for the next pandemic, Greg.

*Greg is a fictitious name of a stereotype that may or may not exist.

Atheistic Bias

Some churches have also expressed mistrust of the governments mandatory health orders and have continued to have in-person services. I, for one, am shocked that when it comes to doing the right thing for the greater good of all people and their health, that a church would not step up and lead the way.

I saw a sign at one church that said, “Something you cannot see has shut down the world… and its going to take someone we can’t see to fix it. Can we get an Amen?”

No. There’s these things called microscopes used to see the thing. With our eyes, we can see the people (scientists and researchers) making the vaccine, which can also be seen, going into the arm… if you choose to look. We see healthcare workers caring for the sick and administering the vaccine. That deserves an Amen and a Hallelujah.

As a Nurse, I have followed up with patients who have had Covid. I asked one patient if he had noticed any changes to his taste or smell.

He said, “No. I smell the same but you’d have to ask Dr. Lector if I taste any different.”

*The original version of the previous statement was deemed inappropriate and offensive. It was changed to better reflect the morals, values, and sensitivities of modern people in the year 2021.

Words of Wisdom

1. If any of your friends or family were at last week’s super-spreader Trump rally in Los Angeles calling for an end to masks and lockdowns, be sure to isolate from them for at least the next ten to fourteen years.

I’m joking, of course. They’re your friends and family. What I meant to say was:

Never see or speak to them again.

2. Make this year the year we stop arguing about religion. Let’s stop fighting about faith, the human spirit, and where our souls go after death. Let’s strive to get along, be kind, and find common ground with one another through love and understanding… and accept that there is no god.

3. Have a sense of humor. This blog is really meant in pure fun for a good laugh… and every word is true.

Happy New Year!

I hope you enjoyed this edgy start to 2021. Thanks for reading and supporting this fun bit of nonsense. As usual, the ending jokes are here. Enjoy.

Michael Jordan has started doing yoga. He was asked if he has ever tried goat-yoga.

He replied, “C’mon! Every time I do yoga, it’s G.O.A.T yoga.”

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Mi respuesta encima sobre mi meta a apprender espanol estaba en francais, lo se. Es solo una broma. Espero que te gusto. Feliz Ano Nuevo!

The year is almost done. It’s Blog Post #71. Thank you to those who shared that they enjoyed #70. Appreciate the support for this little piece of the web I call mine. Apparently, there’s some sort of virus around. Stay home and read this blog.

Latest News

*Last month saw the United States announce that the virus, that has caused so much havoc there, will lose its potency and power this January.

*There were rumors that Vladamir Putin would be resigning as the president citing burnout and fatigue. He found that presiding over both Russia and the United States to be too much. This rumor turned out to be fake news with Putin stating that manipulating a puppet was not tiring but actually mildly enjoyable.

*Melania Trump is one of the names being considered for the U.S. presidency in 2024. The Slogan: A president that doesn’t need any hand-holding.

*Headline: “Metro Vancouver man who had just come back from flat-Earth festival arrested for violating Quarantine Act” – This was startling news as this was the second time for him being arrested for such offenses. The first time was when he had travelled to the North Pole with the Easter Bunny to meet with Santa Claus to discuss nano-robots in vaccines that have never proven to work. Most recently, the man was arrested a third time when he returned from the U.S. where he attended a Trump victory rally.

Nomenclature (These names are real)

Congratulations to Souvankham Thammavongsa for winning the prestigious 2020 Giller Prize for her book, “How to Pronounce Knife.” Forget “Knife”, how do you pronounce her kname?

Also, congratulations to Dakshana Bascaramurty on her first book, “This is Not the End of Me.”

“The Beguiling” by Zsuzsi Gartner is another book garnering a lot of attention in the world of novels.

I look forward to releasing my first novel next year and joining these great names. In other literary news, I will be changing my pen-name to Zwroyy Gunnarr Mundheimanian.

Fall Colors

I took this photo of False Creek in downtown Vancouver last month.

Movie Fun

The year of movie watching continues. I’ve seen some really good ones, some ok ones, and some real crap. Last month, I was incredibly entertained by a diamond in the rough, The Vast of Night. It’s sci-fi that even a non sci-fi fan can get behind. Thoroughly entertaining with great tension, story, and dialogue, “I wouldn’t know a frog’s ribbet about that.”

My wife and I finally watched Get Out last month. Towards its conclusion, the main character was in the house and my wife said, “He should really get out of there!” She insists that she did not do that on purpose.

Words of Wisdom

1. There’s been some positive news on the vaccine front but keep washing those hands and wearing those masks. There’s also been progress in the world of Covid treatments. Bamlanivimab is the name of the latest drug to treat people with Covid-19. I would have called it VirusGetOut pill. My wife would still ask what it does.

2. The Earth is round. #controversial.

3. Trump won the election fair and square. #controversial.

4. Happy Holidays however you celebrate and whatever you celebrate. As for me, if you regularly follow this blog, you’re aware I celebrate George Michael Memorial Day. Know that 2021 is going to be better. You just gotta have faith, a faith, a faithah!

 What a year it has been! Thank you to everyone who bought and read my book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside. Also, thank you to everyone who continues to read and support this blog. Continue to follow along in 2021 as I write and work to publish my first novel. As usual, the ending jokes are here. Enjoy.

Following a long absence from working as a bedside Nurse, I returned to the hospital to pick up a couple shifts. Bedside nursing in the hospital is a lot like riding a bike… except now your patients have Covid… and your co-workers have Covid… and you have Covid… and your bike has Covid.

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Overheard conversation: “It’s a pandemic with a dangerous contagious disease and people are still booking cruises.

“That’s because they’re stupid cheap right now and there’s lots of great deals. You can get a cruise for $11.00 U.S. and when it’s over, if you survive, you get to keep the ship.”

It’s the 70th wave of the virus known as Write or Wroy. It could also be called Blog Post #70.

We’re living through history here in November 2020. Soon, America will decide who will be their president. Unlike the past, the president will be chosen by armed militants. Then, like the past, a civil war will erupt. Crazy times just like the bible predicted. How did they know that wars and unrest would come to the humans of earth? Bold prediction there, Mr. Revelations.

Happy Anniversary

It’s the one year anniversary of the release of my first book, the critically acclaimed (by me) Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside. Purchase your copy here before the end of times. It’s also the one month anniversary of another great literary work, Blog Post #69.

Write! Then Wroy

A week ago, I entered the Canadian Broadcast Corporation’s short fiction competition with my story, There’s a Plan to Carve. With only about 8000 entries, I’m almost guaranteed the first prize. If I’m foiled by that Margaret Atwood person again, I’ll be angrier than Jamie Lannister taking on Luke Skywalker in a thumb wrestling competition.

Work on my novel continues. Chapter 4 is near completion with an estimated 26 more chapters to go. Here’s a short excerpt from the first rough draft.

The smell of feces and disinfectant wafted through the air. As he arrived at the start of the hallway near the nursing station, he locked eyes with Ryan, who smiled briefly and nodded. He continued on through the double doors, hoping to never see, or smell, this place again.  

Best of 2020

Food magazines have started releasing their best restaurants of 2020 lists. I guess they know this year is over as well. Congratulations to the winners.

The Best Restaurants of 2020.

1. Uber Eats

2. Door Dash.

3. Foodora.

4. Covid.

Note: Fifth to tenth place have all since permanently closed and were removed from this list.

Words of Wisdom

1. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Be grateful. Be thankful. Remember that you are fortunate to be able to read this blog.

2. It’s good to look back at all your travels. It’s like in 2018 when we travelled to Great Britain, or 2019 when we flew to Mexico and later Japan, or 2020, when we went to Hell. Good times.

3. Wash those hands. Wear your mask where required.

Thanks to everyone who continues to visit this page and read this ‘out there’ blog. It’s now the usual cheesy ending jokes. Enjoy.

Following Donald Trump’s run-in with Covid-19, one headline in a paper said, “What will happen if Trump is ‘unable to govern’?”

What? Have the last four years not answered that question already?

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A large bug kept going for my beer and I was needing to continually shew it away. It finally flew away. My wife said, “Oh good. That Arnold Schwarze-bug is finally gone.”

I replied. ”Unfortunately, not for good. It said… ‘fly’ll be back’.”

Welcome to the sixty-ninth edition of Write or Wroy: The Blog. Thanks for all the feedback and encouragement following my last blog. I’m glad people enjoyed it.

If you’re looking for 69 jokes, you’ve come to the wrong place. If you’re looking for cheesy goodness, you are in the right zone.

Nine: Do you want to learn German?

Six: Nein

Nine: What?

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You’re upside down.

What did The Six say to The Nine?

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Nine: I’m going to bed.

Six: Ok. Good Nine.

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Site Updating

As you may have seen, I have updated various sections of the website. It’s better and more reflective of me as a writer. I added some information on the blog and what it’s actually about as it seems to confuse people sometimes. I also added this disclaimer:

“*Do not take this clever blog to heart as it is mostly satirical tongue-in-cheek sarcastic nonsense… that will make your life infinitely better.”

Book Progress

It’s slowly moving forward. This photo might indicate that I’m on Chapter 19. I am not. I have little bits written in nineteen chapters but only really have two chapters fully completed.

Writing a novel is a huge mountain to climb that requires one little step after another little step after another little step etc. etc. etc. Here’s a short excerpt from the latest chapter I’m working on:

“Like always, eh? She was a protector. She never wanted to see people in pain. She couldn’t even watch movies with any sort of suffering. She got upset when Donkey had to sleep outside at Shrek’s place. I wasn’t allowed to pick any of the movies we watched after that.”

Travel Is Back

I recently read an article about all the countries you can visit right now. That inspired me to write the following article on all the countries you should visit right now.

All the Countries You Should Visit Right Now

The End

Words of Wisdom

1. Just because you can, does not mean you should.

2. Appreciate every day that you get to wake up… and read my writing.

Thanks again for reading my musings. It’s time for the ending jokes beyond the great 69 jokes from paragraphs past. Enjoy.

Wynn Resorts in Las Vegas recently had over 500 employees test positive for Covid 19. That’s over 500 people closer to herd immunity. That’s more than 500 people who now can’t get Covid 19. It’s a Wynn Wynn.

What happens in Vegas…

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My wife was heading out grocery shopping and asked, “Is there anything you need at the store.”

I thought for a while, “No, I can’t think of anything.”

“Ok, then. I’ll see you later.”

“Text me when you’re in the lineup at the store.”

”Why?”

“Because that’s when I’ll remember some things I need you to pick up.”

Happy September! Write or Wroy, It’s Blog Post # 68. The virus is a distant memory and we’re back to normal life. We’re staying in, social distancing, and being kind to our fellow humans.

Thanks to those who emailed or commented on social media about last month’s over the top joke. The consensus was that it was not too much but was, in fact, ‘just right’.

Writer Roy

After receiving a nice email from someone who said they really enjoy my writing, I have decided to put more time and effort into it. I have recently created an Author Page on Amazon which you can check out here: www.amazon.com/author/roygmundheim

In addition to that, I also added an author page to Good Reads, a social cataloguing website focused on books and reviews. You can check out my page here: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/118978691-roy-mundheim

I continue to work on my first novel and I’m over halfway done my first draft. The story is taking shape and the outline is becoming clear. Here’s an excerpt:

“Alright, let’s get to the bar… not for shots though. Let’s get some chin ups and pull ups under our belt.”

In addition to novel work, I’ve entered a couple of writing contests and have three other short stories on the go. I’m already planning another book (with short stories) that is to be released in 2021.

You’ll notice my website getting updated and upgraded over the next couple months as well. After much thought, I have named my blog, “Write or Wroy” A.K.A “WOW”. It only took four years. I was looking at calling it, “Roy’s Always Write” (RAW) but you already knew that.

Words of Wisdom (Also WOW…see what I did there?)

1. If you’re thinking about sending mail to the U.S., don’t. There’s some sort of problem. Government is working on it.

2. Sometimes you have to embrace chaos. Then work through it and on it.

3. Choose to enjoy every day on this amazing planet. It’s been a pretty good summer despite a global pandemic. I took this photo while on vacation at beautiful Shuswap Lake here in British Columbia.

Thanks for reading and supporting my passion project. It’s time for the ending jokes. Enjoy.

While talking about beautiful lakes to visit in western Canada, a friend asked, “What’s that lake up north called that is known for having duck itch?”

Me: “Duck Itch Lake?”

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I had my running hat, my workout hat, and a casual hat all on the table. My wife was frustrated and said, “Oh my god! How many hats need to be on the table?”

My response: “Three. The answer is three. Three hats need to be on the table.”

*The couch was comfortable that night.

It’s Blog Post # 67. August is here and with it has been sunny days, road trips, and Covids. I’ve been reading and writing, writing and reading over this summer and finding inspiration everywhere… and beer, I’ve been enjoying beer.

One road trip saw us go to the city of Kamloops to visit family. I took this photo (which didn’t do it justice) of the Moon and Mars. In between is a cloud that looks like a wolf’s head. This is Fenrir , son of Loki, who will devour the Sun. Just to the left is another light. It could be a star but is more likely, Tatooine… or the visible light left over from Alderaan. Science is fun. Religion is funny.

I recently entered some writing contests. If I don’t win, then the fix is clearly in. I’ll hopefully share my entries here some time in the future. Until then, we all wait with baited breath (Pre-thank you to the Internet: I know it’s bated breath;)) As promised, here’s some dialogue from my upcoming novel. I’m actually not sure this will make the final cut for the book but thought I’d share it here anyway.

“You sound like you could use a book recommendation.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that reading might be good for you.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“You don’t seem well read.”

“Meaning what?”

“You don’t sound educated.”

“I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”

“You seem ignorant.”

“How so?”

“Never mind.”

Words of Wisdom

1. Celebrate life. This month, we celebrated my wife’s birthday. It was a lot of fun to be celebrating instead of lamenting the virus. One of the great things about Latin American culture is the sheer volume of festivals and celebrations. There’s always a reason to celebrate. Mexico even have a day to celebrate all people who have died, ever. That’s a prime example of looking for a reason to celebrate. There always is one… if you look for it.

2. Celebrate responsibly during Covid times.

Thanks again for reading my monthly musings and supporting this writing gig. I’ll be announcing some big expansions to my writing enterprise in the near future so stay tuned.

Here are the ending jokes you all come here for. With sports back in action, albeit with no fans in attendance, I thought I’d share a couple of original sports jokes I wrote. Enjoy.

* Warning: This requires some knowledge of Vancouver and the Vancouver Canucks hockey team. It’s also a bit of a risqué joke. It is only a joke.

As a fan of the Vancouver Canucks, I am very excited that the team has made the playoffs. Health Officials are asking people to stay home to watch games, keep groups small, and practice social distancing. I recently overheard this conversation:

“They’re telling us to watch the Canucks in small groups with social distancing? How are we supposed to riot then?”

“With masks so no one can be identified.”

#toosoon? #2011

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Q. Who do you think is going to win baseball’s World Series this year?

A. Covid

It’s time for Blog de Diablo, Blog Post #66. I would say that I don’t believe in the devil but that’s not true. There’s the bird, the fish, and the eggs… all which are real.

It’s July, which means my wife and I celebrate our anniversary. This year is thirteen years of marriage. Thirteen years of marriage talked about in Blog Post 66? Good thing I’m not a numerophobe. If there’s any number to fear right now, it’s 2020.

Celebrate the Flow of Life

My wife and I took a two hour road trip to Whistler for a couple nights of R&R. It was nice to “travel” again. I took this photo of Fitzsimmons Creek and was reminded to appreciate the still and the moving aspects of life.

Movie Goals

I had a new year’s resolution to watch 36 movies this year. With the pandemic, I reached my goal in the first week of July. I highly recommend Stuck in Love, Still Life, and Requirements to be a Normal Person. Pain and Glory was also amazing.

Novel Goals

My novel writing continues. I’ve been reading bits and samples of other writers, deciphering what I like and what I don’t like. While it has been easy and natural to find my voice in this blog, writing a fictional novel has been another animal all together. They’re not really the same things. It would be like comparing apples to orangutans.

As promised, I am continuing to share excerpts from my novel. Keep in mind that this is all first draft material. It will likely change. In this scene, the main character had been given a letter from his mother that he couldn’t get out of his mind:

“The thinking was all focused on the letter and not on whether he was full or whether he should keep eating. There was self loathing and negative self talk that needed to occur. There wasn’t time for interference with questions of satiety or comfort.”

Words of Wisdom

1. My advice for a long happy marriage: Always apologize when you do something wrong or say something wrong (it’s ‘when’ not ‘if’).

I recently read a social media post that said :

“To all the people who are apoligizing for a past they weren’t part of or even born for. Speak for yourself I myself did nothing to apoligize for.”

You could start by apologizing for your punctuation.

Then I’ll say, “I’m so sorry that you have so much trouble with grammar and spelling.”

Apologies are free and helpful.

2. Pass on encouraging words. Inspire others.

Gratitude

Thanks to everyone who continues to support this blog and my first book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside. Sales have continued through June and July which has been surprising and humbling. It’s time for some ending jokes. Enjoy.

 

Nurse: “Sir, you’ll need to be on clear fluids for the next two days.”

Patient: “Clear fluids? Ok, no stouts or hazy IPAs… only lagers and pilsners. Got it.”

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Quotes to live by: “All of us need to do our part. We need to continue to support each other in doing that. We need to be calm, and to be kind to each other, and to be safe.” – Donald Trump

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Correction: The above Donald Trump quote may not have been Donald Trump but instead may have been Dr. Bonnie Henry. It does sound like something Trump would say though; #fakenews.

It’s a great time to be alive. It’s Blog Post #65. I know some of you are asking, “What do you mean a great time?” Well, it beats the time of Spanish Flu. There was no YouTube, no Instagram, no Facebook, no Twitter, no podcasts… Ugh, maybe it isn’t as good as the Spanish Flu season. It was harder back then yet there was less whining and complaining… that you had to hear about online anyway.

‘Tis the Season

In Canada, the summer is here. Covid has settled down a bit as it prepares for the big push this fall. If history teaches us anything, it’s that there will be a second wave. We’re humans though…we never learn.

Book Work 2

I continue to work on my first ever novel. It is a tough, arduous process but I’m enjoying it. Thanks to everyone who gave positive feedback on the ending which I shared in my last post. This time, I’m actually sharing an actual excerpt from the book. It gives away nothing but it is actual proof that this book is actually a thing:

 

“Well, I admire your courage to get started. Like anything in life, the first step is the hardest.”

“I don’t know about that. I’m thinking each step I make after that is going to be harder and harder… until I wish I were dead.”

“Uhh…that’s the spirit,” said Erin with a shrug ’n smile.

 

Words of Wisdom

1. Do the thing…. The thing you want to do. Forget the money, the fame, the glory. Do the thing.
2. Finish the thing you started….The thing you wanted to do… That thing you started and are now procrastinating on.
3. Do the thing. Finish the thing…. Because the day is coming when you no longer can do the things or finish the things.
4. When in doubt what to do, think about what the Dogwood do.

The mandate of this blog is to post once a month or more. I almost didn’t get this out before June was over. I don’t even want to think about all the hate mail I would have received. Here’s your ending jokes in conversation form. Enjoy.

1. Nurse: “To help with your constipation issue, drink plenty of water.

                           Also, start keeping a log.”

         Patient: “Keeping a log? The problem is I can’t get rid of a log.”

 

2. Nurse: “And increase your fiber intake.”

         Patient: “So I should stop having protein shakes.”

          Nurse: “No whey!”

 

3. Nurse: “Remember. Fiber and water work together.”

         Patient: “Like viruses and cruise ships?”

It’s Blog Post #64. Thank you to everyone who emailed and posted about enjoying Blog Post #63. I hope you’re happy, healthy, and avoiding other people’s droplets. Wash your hands.

Happy Anniversary

Four years ago, I stopped saying that I’m going to be a writer and instead became a writer. This month marks the four year anniversary of this blog. People ask me what this blog is about or what it is. It’s difficult to explain. I guess it’s a personal brain-storming dump that focuses on humor and entertainment.

Novel Idea

My novel is in full motion now with an outline and actual written parts. I even have a title. Having never written a novel, I’m not really sure what I’m doing. I’m just writing some stuff and then writing some more stuff…in hopes that it will all work. It’s daunting at times but it’s also a fun.

Working From Home

I know so many people working from home. I tried to do my charting for nursing from home but found too many technical issues and glitches. I spent most of my time dealing with all the troubleshooting instead of actually getting work done. Many people will probably continue to work from home once the virus is less of a threat, azooming they aren’t having the kind of technical difficulties I’ve had.

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t wear gloves to go out in public. It just shows everyone that you only care about yourself and that you’re not washing your hands.

2. Watch After Life on Netflix. It’s bloody brilliant. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll wish there were more seasons.

3. Bring your identification with you when you go out. Recently, there was some commotion at the City Hall here in Vancouver. A member of counsel forgot his identification and was stopped by the security guard.

“Sir, you need your City of Vancouver identification.”

“Oh, I forgot it.”

”I can’t let you in then.”

“I have my COV identification at home.”

“Without a COV ID, you won’t get in. Only those with COVID can get in.”

“Oh, I have COVID.”

“Then you go on in.”

Here’s an unusual ending. Enjoy.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’m going to start sharing excerpts and ideas from my upcoming novel. I’ve decided to start by sharing the ending (but not the title). Spoiler ahead. The ending is so good that I had to start there. It may be one of the best endings in the history of novel writing. Here’s the end of my novel which I’m so very proud of:

 

The End

About the Author:

Roy G. Mundheim is a writer, author, and Registered Nurse in Vancouver, Canada. Roy began sharing his writings in 2016 with his website and personal blog which he continues to contribute to regularly to this day. In 2019, he wrote and published his first book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside. In 2020, Roy began to create fiction works and the idea for ________________was born.