Blog Post 81 and this should be fun. Thanks to everyone who read and commented on Blog Post #80. It was really enjoyable to write and it’s crazy to think that I have written 80 of them; soon to be 81….in fact it will be 81 by the time this is posted and/ or as you’re reading this now.

Happy Birthday

This week was my birthday. My co-worker, Lisa made this cake for me. She either thought I was a big fan of beer or she thought that I was the World Record holder for the greatest blog ever.

This is a chocolate stout cake; caramel crème with crushed sable shortbread, salted caramel, with whipped chocolate caramel ganache. It holds the World Record for most delicious cake ever. If you love homemade baking, you should check out Lisa’s website at www.mybellebaking.com.

Remember Travel?

What did I get for my birthday? A trip to Montreal booked. It’s not a far-off international flight but it’s the next best thing. My wife and I will spend four cold nights in late November-early December exploring one of Canada’s most beautiful cities. Oui, s’il vous plait.

Seriously

I am excited to share that my wife, Lesly has a new job working for the Vancouver Canucks. She stopped working when the Covid-19 pandemic began in March of 2020. The restaurant she was at shut down. Eighteen months later and she’s back working; in a dream job for our favorite hockey team. She didn’t have to go back to work but she said she was a little tired of me calling her “my house girl.”

Seriously, I did call her, “my house girl.” Now that she’s back working, I couldn’t be prouder to say that, “my house girl has a job.”

Words of Wisdom

1. Write, bake, paint, dance, read, sing, play for the love of it. Another reason is not needed.

I recently saw an ad for a writer to cover the Calgary Flames hockey team. As a Vancouver Canucks fan, I could definitely cover the Flames… but they wouldn’t like what I have to say. “They should be covered with retardant, soaked with water, and kept away from oxygen.” There. I wrote about the Flames. The truth is you couldn’t pay me to write about the Flames. It would be a nice tax break though. They could pay me and then I’d just write them off.

2. Get your flu shot. Just because you got your two Covid-19 vaccines doesn’t mean you can skip your flu shot.

People seem to be getting the message. There was a flu vaccine clinic last Monday that saw a record turnout. It was great to see so many people get their flu shot. Unfortunately, it turned into a super spreader event for a Covid-19 outbreak. This Monday’s flu shot clinic has been cancelled.

Tales From the Crypto

Thanks for reading this month’s post. Thank you also to everyone who said they enjoyed all the Snoop Dog content in Blog Posts #79 and #80. For those thinking that I was finished with the Snoop Dog content: I am not.

In late September, it was revealed that Snoop Dog is an Ethereum NFT Whale with a 17 million U.S. dollar collection. I am also invested in Ethereum to a moderately less amount. I have been pleased to see its value rise. Every time it goes up, I say what Snoop Dog would say, “I wanna thank me for believin’ in Ethereum.”

It’s now time for the ending jokes. Enjoy

Travis Tritt cancelled all his concerts at venues with Covid-19 safety measures.

That doesn’t break my ‘achey breaky heart.’

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As mentioned previously, this week was my birthday. I turned 33. Wait. What? You would say I turned 47 but that’s not how I count. I count down from 80. Why? While I admire all the productive amazing ambitious 80+ year olds out there, it’s not the norm. We humans tend to become weaker, slower, and less productive as we reach our eighties and beyond. The average life expectancy of a male in Canada is just over 80 years. So with the knowledge that 80 years will likely be the death of me or lead to a less ambitious, slower, more tired version of me; I count down from there to indicate how many years I have left to be awesome… if I’m so fortunate as to have 80 years. Therefore I’m 33, in that I have 33 years left. I have 33 years to realize goals, live dreams, and pursue the best version of myself. When really analyzed, it’s not that long. Time moves quick. Life goes fast. It could end right after you read this. It could end while I’m wri

September is almost done already? That’s crazy. It’s time for Blog Post #80. Thanks to those who have read all eighty and also a thank you to all those who joined a little latey. I want to start this post with a big Happy Birthday! to my mom who, this month, turns eighty. BP #80 posted in the same month as my mom turns 80 was not planned but it must have been fatey. The Universe works in mysterious wayteys.

Ok enough silliness and back to sarcastic nonsense.

HEADLINES

What is going on these days?

Meat Credits

Recently, Pamela Anderson and PETA sent vegan food to nearby cities dealing with forest fires. The question everybody was asking was, “Haven’t they been through enough?” Then my wife pointed out that there was already plenty of cooked meat to go around so they’d really just be adding the sides.

Was that too much? I feel like that was too much. I’d like to strike that last sentence from the record. If you didn’t get that last paragraph, you’re a good person… probably too good a person to be reading this filth.

Working Short

There appears to be a shortage of employees everywhere. Understaffing is being called a catastrophic crisis in the service and hospitality industry while being called, ‘the norm’ in healthcare. Nurses are asking, “How’s this any different than pre-pandemic?”

I don’t know. There’s even more to do… and all of it done in masks, gowns, and double gloves.

Travel Credits

The travel industry continues to be hit hard during this pandemic. Well known travel sites have had to make adjustments. How bad has it been? The Poor Traveler is now called The Rich Potato, Lonely Planet has rebranded as Quarantined Planet, and Nomadic Matt is now just Matt.

My wife and I have cancelled our trip to Italy for this year and we’re focused on new plans for next year in, what will hopefully be, a better atmosphere.

I miss travelling and reminisce often about travels gone by. I took this photo in Beijing, China in 2016.

Seriously

We’ve decided to put our Italy travel plans on hold for a while. We’ve now set our sights on Scandinavia for the summer of 2022. Let’s hope for a new normal and a return to traveling.

The Casualties

Some businesses have really been hit hard by the pandemic. Free Hugs has seen profits plummet. Palm reading has suffered immensely and has gone underground. College level science courses have struggled to compete with Google. Google is up over %100 since the start of the pandemic as a portion of the population have become medical and Population Health experts with a few strategic searches.

Words of Wisdom

1. If money and other material things make you think you’re better than everyone else, you are the poorest person on earth.

It’s definitely not money or material things that make me better than everyone else.

2. We don’t need any more Batman movies.

3. Listen to the questions being asked, not what you interpret is being asked.

I recently read a question about food preferences: What are some things you don’t like on your burger? People answered with things like, pickles, cheese, relish etc.

My answer: Frog guts, cardboard, tripe, electrical tape, strawberries, lizard innards, and tomatoes.

Thanks for reading this month’s blog post. It’s time for the ending joke. If this month’s edition is a little confusing or you don’t get it, click on the link at the end. You’re welcome. Thank you. Thank me. Enjoy.

Thank you to everyone who emailed regarding Blog Post #79. It seems that a lot of people enjoyed the Snoop Dog hosting Jeopardy joke. I didn’t think it was that good but thank you anyway to everyone who said they liked it. Thank you also to everyone who reads, shares, likes, and gives feedback on this blog. Also, thank you to everyone who bought my first book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside. I really appreciate it. Last but not least, I want to thank me.

I want to thank me for believing in me. I want to thank me for trying to do more Write or Wroy. I want to thank me for enjoying days off. I want to thank me for working hard in between. I want to thank me for saying, “Me, you can be a writer and write any time you want to write and ain’t no one got the right to say you can’t write Write or Wroy right now, right? Finally, I want to thank me for being the best me that me can be by just being me, Roy G.

If none of that made sense, click here for context:

August is nearing an end so it’s time for Blog Post # 79. In other exciting news, masks are back. There’s a fourth wave of virus in North America and it’s back to lockdowns and conspiracy theories. Good times.

Short Story Hunting

Speaking of conspiracies, the winner of the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation Short Story contest was announced as Corinna Chong of Kelowna B.C. You can read the winning story here. Congratulations to Corinna but this was a contest I entered and clearly should have won. Thank you to everyone who emailed the CBC to complain and throw your support in my corner. I have hired a legal team to dispute the judgement and will be pursuing justice in this case. Stay tuned for information on the planned rally, the concert-fundraiser, and an impromptu courthouse protest. This story will not be short and it will not go away!

Good news is I am working on a new short story for the 2022 CBC Short Story Contest. I may even enter two stories… so I can also collect the second place prize. These short stories will be part of my third book to be released after my upcoming novel.

Novel Delays

I had hopes of releasing my novel this year but after much thought, deliberation, and math, it will be postponed until 2022. I have been making some great progress on the second draft as of late and I look forward to sharing it with everyone next year. In the meantime, here’s a little excerpt:

“He noted the stains on his white t-shirt, pizza sauce… and what was maybe week’s old gravy. Amazing, he thought, I’m really extraordinary over here, rockin’ this life.”

Seriously

I’ve been on a break from alcohol. No beer. No wine. Only water and tears for the past two weeks… damn it, no jokes allowed in the Seriously part. My plan is to go to two months. It’s not any profound life change or some grand plan to stop forever. It’s just a break to pursue some health and fitness goals. The last weeks of summer can still be great even without beer.

“That was a joke, right? He was joking wasn’t he?”

Words of Wisdom

1. Do your part and participate in the name of science. I recently completed a survey asking what I thought about Covid-19. My answer: It sucks.

2. Take your vitamins. Recently a thief stole hundreds of dollars in supplements and vitamins thinking they were prescription drugs. The thief did not get high but did find increased energy and vitality for future stealing.

3. Don’t take this too seriously or you’ll miss the fun.

Thanks for reading and supporting this tremendously informative and inspirational blog. It is a pleasure to write and share. Now, it’s time for the ending jokes. Enjoy.

What kind of bird is that?

It’s a Blue Heron.

Really? It doesn’t look that sad.

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A: Betty White.

Q: Who should be the next fulltime host of Jeopardy?

*Because they need someone young, hip, and energetic… with a bit of longevity.

Who would you like to be the next host of Jeopardy?

Steve Harvey would be great, but he’d get all the answers wrong. David Attenborough could do a good job, but his soothing voice makes people sleepy.

There’s always Snoop Dog.

“I’ll take Economics for 200, Dog.”

“Here’s the answer, Yo. The whizzle to the shizels left the fasizzle to the low dizzle, G.”

“What is the price to earnings ratio?”

“Fo’ shizzle. What’s nizzle?”

It’s July! It’s also Blog Post #78 and it’s going to be just like Frosted Flakes. What are Frosted Flakes like? They’rrrreee…soggy, and bad for you, and should really be skipped, even as an occasional treat.

It’s Getting Hot in Here

It’s been a hot month or so here. July has seen my book sales suddenly heat up like crazy. The temperature has also been warm. Thank you to those who decided to take a chance on my first book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside. It means a lot to still have sales over a year and a half after its release. I’m hopeful that it stands up to the test of time, even with a worldwide pandemic thrown in afterwards.

Camping, swimming, and lounging have picked up as this hot summer is in full swing. Unfortunately, that has meant a big drop in writing production. The blog posts keep coming while the novel stalled. Don’t worry. It will pick up steam again…some time.

Maskarade Discontinued

We’re seeing an end to mandatory masks in some places. It’s actually been difficult to get used to. It feels weird now to be indoors without a mask. I look forward to when it feels normal again to hug family, spit on friends when we talk, and sneeze on a stranger’s sleeve. Good times.

Whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed or life seems too much, look up. Look towards the sky and realize how small and insignificant we really are.

Then take comfort in the fact that you can still make a difference.

Seriously

As promised, I have started this segment called ‘Seriously.’ Did you think I was serious? I am serious. This segment will have no jokes or sarcasm. This month I have been met with new challenges in my life. I have had some ongoing health issues which have led to numerous tests, doctor visits, an E.R. visit, and a series of upcoming exams and appointments. While I was down for a short while, I’m proud to say I’ve bounced back mentally. With all the unknowns and investigations, I take comfort in knowing that I have enjoyed and thrived in this life. Each day is a gift that should be appreciated and enjoyed. I am grateful that I continue to do that now.

Words of Wisdom

1. Always remember what is important. String Theory is another one of the great discoveries of human history. Without it, many important things would have been forgotten. There’s been many times in my life where I tied a string around my finger to remember an important matter. Matter makes up the universe and we should never forget that. As a great scientist (whose name I can’t remember) once said, “Bazinga!”

2. Get your vaccine. I received my second dose of the Covid vaccine last month. Remember, vaccines are one of the greatest discoveries in human history. If it wasn’t for vaccines, Small Pox would have become Big Pox!

Thanks for reading and supporting this blog covering my thoughts on this life, the crazy world we live in, and my general philosophy of the Universe. More novel updates are coming, along with hilarious jokes as usual. Here are this month’s ending jokes Enjoy.

I recently received an email from British Airways informing me that my 2100 British Avios points were going to expire. I initially panicked and let my wife know that we had to find a solution. Where do we want to go? Are there hotels that take British Avios points? I spent some time researching and looking into it… then my panic went away. My wife asked me about it a few days later.

”Since we need 15 000 points just to fly from Gatwick to Heathrow, it doesn’t matter. We couldn’t get a bag of peanuts on a flight for 2100 points.”

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Headline: Mike Tyson Turned Down 25 Million Dollars for Trilogy Fight with Evander Holyfield.

That’s not what Evander heard.

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Overheard conversation between doctors.

“Could it be an iron deficiency?”

”I don’t think so… What about too much iron, like in hemochromatosis?”

“Maybe… What about mercury poisoning?”

“I don’t know. That brings in a whole new element.”

You know what bugs me about June…nothing. It’s a great month… with Blog Post #77 here to keep the flies away. Thank you to everyone who commented and/or emailed about last month’s Blog Post #76. It would seem that I am not the only one who did not love George Orwell’s 1984. I am very happy to be finished with it.

Beer there. Done that

As many of you may already know, I’m a big fan of beer. I have even written articles and reviews on this amazing nectar that you can find here. My wife and I recently started an Instagram Account highlighting our favorite beers… or at least the beers we’re currently trying. If you’re a beer fan like us, follow along with The False Alerm Public House as we drink, review, and photograph our favorite delicious beers. You’ll also meet Shammy, our elderly shamrock (my wife vetoed the name I had: Rocky). Cheers!

Novel Complete

My second book is now complete. It’s awful. It’s exactly as Ernest Hemmingway described the first draft of anything to be. I now have the task of taking this raw first draft and turning it into the next great Canadian novel. It’s been a challenging process. As I begin the second draft this month, I am hopeful that progress will accelerate and I can release it to the world this year. Stay tuned for more updates, news, and quotes.

Spring on Earth

Seriously

I have decided to start a new segment called, Seriously. It’s meant to be something actually serious where I’m not joking, being sarcastic, or using satire. Yes, I can be serious sometimes. I look forward to sharing real advice and insight here. For this month:

We are only here for a short time. Eighty or so years… if we’re lucky/ fortunate. The clock is ticking and the calendar pages are turning. I hear it and feel it. That is what motivates me to write, learn, thrive, reach, work, push, strive, enjoy, and ultimately live… my best life every day. Do you hear and feel the time going? It’ll be over before we know it.

Words of Wisdom

1. Be the person you want to be.

“I want to be a person who eats rare steak, raw seafood, and bites the heads off live chickens!”

“Ok, that’s a bit much, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, you’re right… Medium rare would also be fine.”

2. Good writing advice. Finish the project. A finished project can be fixed, repaired, re-worded, and edited. An unfinished project is just a dream… that may never be seen.

Thanks for reading this month’s post. It seems we’re getting closer to a ‘new normal’ with travel, restaurants, and raging parties. Concerts, sports events, and Tinder Group Meet Ups could be just around the corner. Can I get a Hallelujah? Here, there’s hope for a summer of fun. We have wine tours, camping trips, and mini travel plans all summer. Let’s hope that we can keep the virus away and get back to humaning. Thanks for reading and supporting this ongoing passion. I hope you enjoyed it even if it didn’t all make sense. As per usual, the ending jokes are here. Enjoy.

“How much do you make with your first book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside?”

“I make a living.”

“Oh? that’s pretty good.”

“Did you know that over 60% of the world lives on less than a dollar a day?”

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I was a bit discouraged with how many copies of Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside I have sold. I mentioned this to a friend who said, “Don’t worry. Lots of writers and artists don’t make it big and sell a lot until they die. You’ll see.”

Now I feel better.

May Blog Post 76 Be with You. Thanks for stopping, reading, and laughing at this month’s musings. It seems I failed to fool as many people this year as I did last year with my April Fool’s Day Post. Well done to all those who learned a lesson from 2020.

A Year Like No Other… Except Last Year

Is it just me or does this year seem a lot like last year? No travel, stay-at-home orders, and news of some virus every day. It’s not the way I thought we’d be spending 2021, especially with a vaccine or two being available… “available” being something of an exaggeration here in Canada. My wife and I had planned to travel to Europe this fall but with each passing month, it seems that dream is getting further and further away.

Anniversary

It’s ten years to the month that I became a Registered Nurse. It’s been quite the journey. The thing with nursing is that the learning never stops. You learn the job, about people, and also about the self. I am proud to say that I’m not the same person I was ten years ago… not even close.

I was recently in a conversation with several fellow nurses, some younger and some older. The conversation turned to school. Several nurses were in school to become Nurse Practitioners, others were in programs to specialize in ICU and the OR, and several others were taking courses to get their Master’s Degree. Eventually, it came to me and I was asked about schooling and any courses I was taking. “Umm… I’m not taking any courses or going to school at all.” There was a collective gasp. “I learn on the job every day and battle to keep up with the current changes to policies, routines, standards, and protocols that seem to be occurring daily these days. As Elon Musk said, ‘you can learn any skill you want for free online. School is for showing you can do your chores.’” There was definitely some head shaking. Hey, look at these beautiful flowers!

Reading

Over the past year and a half, so many people have been referencing the book, 1984 by George Orwell. With that, I decided to read this well-known novel published in 1949. I’m over half way through and so far, it’s been interesting even if not that enjoyable. The references people are making are to the totalitarian society depicted in the book with Big Brother/ Government controlling all information and comparing it with the current society we are living in today, during the Covid-19 pandemic. In the novel, people are killed and ‘vaporized’ if straying from the government mandate of control. It hardly seems similar to what’s going on now… at least here in Canada.

Novel Progress

Segwaying is hard. The first draft of my first novel is nearing completion. I have four chapters remaining. It’s been a tough slog over the last month as I’ve struggled to force myself to sit down and put in the time and work needed to complete this project. There’s such a natural resistance to doing difficult things that my mind has labelled as “not needing to do.” The struggle is real.

Words of Wisdom… and Inspiration

1. Give every May everything you’ve got. Then replace ‘May” with ‘day’ and do that until your very last.

2. Do difficult things. Nothing really worthwhile can come from a state of ease and comfort. Also, don’t stay in school!

3. Sleep is very important. Get your sleep.

My in-laws live outside the city of Kamloops. The surrounding mountains are known for having big horn sheep (which aren’t as plentiful or visible as they once were).

My wife: “You used to be able to walk over to the mountainside and count them all.”

Me: “I tried to do that yesterday but I fell asleep.”

4. Pay attention. Listen carefully. Listen before speaking. Listen to learn.

Overheard Conversation:

Woman: “I had a Pontiac LeMans.”

Other woman: “I also had LeMans class when I was pregnant.”

Thanks for reading and supporting this endeavor. Share, Like, recommend, comment, and whatever else your conscious tells you to do to support this free service which makes your quarantined life so very much better than it otherwise would be. And now, it’s time for the ending jokes… which were limited because of so much hilarity into the Words of Wisdom. Enjoy.

I found an air compressor.

What’s an air compressor used for?

Compressing air.

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Do you worried about money?

No, but me worried about you grammar.

Happy April. It’s Blog Post #75. Thanks for checking out this month’s thoughts and after thoughts. It was a pretty crazy March with all sorts of news to share so let’s get to it.

Personal News

Baby Announcement

I’m excited to announce that my wife and I are expecting. After years of trying, our baby is on the way. Mom is doing well. The due date is April of next year. We are elated.

Book Name

We don’t have any baby names picked out but my debut novel has a name. It will be called, “The Roy Who Cried Wolf.” It will be released in April of next year.

World News

Last week sure was crazy.

Another Virus

Seeing that Covid-20 was discovered to be jumping to humans and that work on a vaccine has been delayed was not the news we wanted to hear. Hopefully, they will come up with a vaccine sooner rather than later. As of yesterday, scientists were predicting it would be at least April of next year before Stage III trials on the Covid-20 vaccine would be complete.

Finance

Here in Canada, the announcement that our dollar would be discontinued really rattled the markets. It’s a bold move to switch the entire country to Cryptocurrency. I’ve been trying to read and understand it more since the announcement came. I don’t want to be left in the dark.

Book Deal

You can now buy my first book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside  for one dollar Canadian. It’s a limited time offer before it is only available using Bitcoin. Get your one dollar copy here.

Words of Wisdom

1. Read every day. It’s a great way to grow, to improve, and to learn. Take it all in and understand better the world around you.

2. Pay attention to what is happening around you. Know where you are. Know what day it is. Know the date. It will help you know the season for planting and the season for harvesting.

3. Don’t trust everything you read.

Thanks for reading this month’s Write or Wroy. I hope you enjoyed it and that I learned you stuff. Check out the announcement below regarding upcoming changes to the blog. It’s time for the ending jokes. Enjoy.

Donald Trump was asked what he thought about Saskatchewan.

He said, “Are we talking about the country or the language?”

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I have decided to stop with the ending jokes so this will be the last one. I’m planning on this blog being a more serious place.  It will look at the political and social landscape with an eye on the ramifications of globalization, industrialization, and the role humans have in cultivating a progressive and multi-dimensional planet.

Time Marches on… and so does the virus. He was acquitted last month. Welcome to Blog Post #74. This month, the needle dropped… into my arm vaccinating me against the Covid-19 virus. Now that the government have placed their tracking device in me, my dreams of space travel are over. Fortunately for you, my dream of writing Blog Post #74 is still alive and well.

Thank you to the people who bought my book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside in January and February of this year. I did not expect to still be selling copies into 2021. Appreciate the support:)

Vaccine Dream

Yes, I am happy and proud to get my vaccine. Vaccines are the most amazing discovery in the history of human kind. Even fire or the wheel can’t compare. Human Kind’s Greatest Discoveries looks something like this:

1. Antibiotics

2. Vaccines

3. The Wheel

4. Fire

5. Write or Wroy: The Blog

6. The Light Bulb

7. Combustion Engine

8. Glasses/ Telescope/ Microscope

9. Steam Engine

10. Internet/ Computers.

All amazing inventions and the order may vary depending on whose list you’re using.

The vaccine did cause my arm to be quite sore. It’s a small price to pay to be vaccinated from a once in a century virus that has killed nearly three million people over a one year period of time. For those who are skeptical, don’t feel they need it, or don’t trust its safety, the God will forgive you. Maybe the forgiveness meeting will be sooner than planned.

Novel Progress

My novel stagnated for a bit but it’s now, once again, propelling forward towards completion… of the first draft. The new strategy which has gotten my train back on the track is working on it first thing when waking up… after coffee. Here’s an excerpt from some of the dialogue I’ve been working on:

By the time Cindy began speaking about the loss of her rabbit, he had had enough, “Sorry to interrupt but can I ask what the purpose of these meetings are each week? I mean, we are all just going over the same stuff, again, and again, with no end, no end goal. There’s never progress or ever any ‘moving on’. Life is short. It needs to be lived. Living life to the fullest honors those we cared about who are no longer here. Why are we sitting here in this room, going over the same past each and every week? This isn’t a grief group. It’s a wallowing group. I can’t sit here and wallow any more!”

I’ve just started on Chapter 21 with the intention to get anywhere from 26 to 30 chapters completed to finish the story. The chapter count could go up or down on the second draft depending on what gets added and/ or cut. It’s a process that I’m enjoying the more I put time into it.

Words of Wisdom

1. Life is short. It needs to be lived.

2. Believe in science. Get your vaccine. Think of your fellow humans across this flat land we call Earth.

3. Don’t wallow. It doesn’t really help anything.

Thanks for reading March’s musings. It’s a little shorter than usual. You know where to send your complaints. Fortunately, I’m back putting more of my efforts into the novel, determined to get it to my dedicated readers this year. As usual, I have the ending jokes. That’s really why you came here anyway. Enjoy.

As mentioned in a previous post, part of my current job as a nurse is to phone people who have been in the hospital due to Covid-19. I ask about their ongoing symptoms and how they’re generally doing since having Covid-19. The various symptoms and effects are part of the ongoing studies and interest in this ever evolving virus. One of the symptoms we ask about is changes to people’s hearing. It usually goes like this:

Q: Have you noticed any changes to your hearing?

A: What?

When we all get together and have house guests again after the pandemic is over:

Would you like some edamame?

Yes. Definitely. Give me “Two Tickets to Paradise” and “Take Me Home Tonight”!!

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A recent conversation between me and my wife:

Why is your Kindle E-reader so much heavier than mine?

Because it has more books on it than yours.

February already! At least time is flying… even if none of us are. It’s Blog Post #73 to brighten your month. Thanks to those who provided feedback on last month’s post. It was a little edgier than usual so I thought I would go a little tamer this month… or not. It’s at this point that I will place a disclaimer: Opinions are my own and a sense of humor is required. I represent myself and this is satirical, sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek nonsense.

The Latest News

Finance

Two coyotes that had been attacking runners were captured in Stanley Park last month. In unrelated news, shares of ACME have plummeted.

If you look at this photo closely, you can see it’s a bear market.

Social media

“Bullying isn’t ok at any time. Can I get 3 people to share?”

Stop trying to bully me into sharing your post!

“Age yourself by naming a store.” Hudson’s Bay Fur Trading Company.

Science

A cat was lost inside the Toronto Airport last month. Scientists announced that the mouse population at the Toronto Airport has seen a sharp decline this month.

Covid – 19

Stay Calm. The Covid Vaccine Update is here. The government has recently put out this statement regarding the Covid-19 vaccine:

The time for vaccination is now. We will be having meetings all this week to organize the shipping and receiving of the vaccine to where it is needed most. We will be working on contingency plans for any difficulties in manufacturing or in the supply chain. Next week, we will be discussing clinic location and how to effectively and efficiently roll out the vaccine. This will be followed by determining the hierarchy for vaccinations likely targeting our most vulnerable first and then categorizing priorities by age. Once those important steps are complete, we will re-evaluate our work and give the public a chance to have their voices heard with an online survey, which will be open for three weeks. We will then look at staffing levels, competencies, and required training for the vaccine rollout. Once staff have had the four weeks of training and been certified in vaccine storage, administration, and adverse reaction response, we will be having meetings to establish the paperwork and certification that vaccinated citizens will receive. We will then be able to establish a start date for mass vaccination of whoever is left.

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t take life too seriously. Definitely don’t take that vaccine update seriously. It’s not real… just like the virus.

2. Don’t take Words of Wisdom seriously, especially that last one.

3. Remember the disclaimer.

Life goes on. Unfortunately, so does the virus. It’s still masks, distancing, and locking down. Take care of your mental health, your physical health and take care of each other. Share a funny blog post you read. Thanks for reading my February musings. Yes, my novel is still in the works and I will be sharing more of it here in the future. For now, it’s the ending jokes. Enjoy.

How bad was last year?

Rob Thomas just changed the name of his band to Matchbox Twenty-One.

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I had someone ask me, what is melena stool?

It’s dark tarry stool.

Ok. I thought it said Melania, like Melania Trump.

No, very different. One is human waste. The other is a sign of an upper GI bleed.