Donating Time to X,Y, and Z.

Happy New Year!! More importantly, it’s Blog Post # 108. It’s a time for renewal… of the mind, the body, and the soul (even though there’s no such thing). The mind is an illusion.

Thank you to everyone who purchased Jonah Chooses Amazing from September 26th to December 26th to support a great cause. Here is my $211.00 donation to the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada.

In case you feel like you missed out…

If I sell 200 more books from now until December 26th, 2024, I will donate another $200 to this worthy cause. There have already been some post Xmas sales so support a great cause. You can start your Xmas shopping for next year now.

Spoiler Alert

Q & A

Thanks for sending your questions about Jonah Chooses Amazing. I won’t get to them all but here are a few. If you haven’t read the book, be warned that there are spoilers ahead.

Why did Jonah decide to do all these things?

It’s open to interpretation. Guilt, regret, the need to prove something. Jonah is someone with a lot of free time. I think he came to the conclusion that he had been wasting it. The death of a parent can be a reminder that our own death is coming too and that time is running out.

Why didn’t you explore the relationship between Jonah and Claudette more? It seemed prime for some romance.

Because that’s not what the story was about. I actually enjoy a good romance. I am a rom-com fan, much to wife’s horror. However, this is a story about a much different journey, a journey of finding the self, and learning self forgiveness. I hate stories where a romance is automatically tacked on.

Can you explain the ending?

No… and yes. Again, it’s open to interpretation. A lot of the ending is implied and subtle. It shows he’s reached a point of moderation. He’s still up early… not as crazy early. He’s more comfortable in his daily life. The decision to go for a beer… that’s his evolution to enjoying life while also pursuing his goals. Fin.

Words of Wisdom

1. Use your phone less. Be online less. Enjoy real life.

In an effort to use social media less, I decided to leave Twitter (or X… or ex-Twitter… or the Social Media Format Formally Known as Twitter).

I hate when people make such a big deal out of leaving a social media platform, like they’re hoping people will beg for them to come back. People will go on and on about it. Some people will even post some grand final message and/ or Tweet, “This will be my final message as I will be leaving Twitter for good. The platform has proven to be a cesspool of nonsense and further evidence of the de-evolution of the human mind. It is filled full of uninformed opinions, intrinsic hatred, and is allowing for anonymous or protected outrageous behavior and unacceptable statements which I feel is lessening me as a human being. For this reason, I am leaving this evil inducing, fear mongering, superstition enforcing propaganda machine.”

By the way, I have actually left Twitter or X or ex-Twitter, or the Social Media Platform formerly known as Twitter. It was a difficult decision. I don’t want to make a big deal out it.

I first joined Twitter in 2012 after strong feelings of FOMO was keeping me up nights. It was a different time. The vibe was different. I remember I had an onion tied to my belt… which was the style at the time…

I also considered leaving Facebook. I posted this question on Facebook, “Has anyone deleted their FB account? What was it like?” I received no responses.

So, in the end, I decided to just leave Twitter or X. I’m now an ex-X user.

I just feel that X-lacks substance… which is kinda shitty.

2. Life should not be all work all the time. Pursue your passions. In the end, we’re all here ‘wasting’ our time before death. What are you ‘wasting’ your time on?

My co-worker recently skipped work to do a marathon.

What did The Boss say?

I was born to run.

Thanks for reading this post and starting your January off in the best way possible. It’s now time for the ending jokes. The first one comes From the Bottom of My Chart. Enjoy.

I recently attended a seminar on Lyme Disease.

It was a very popular Tick Talk.

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I was at Comic-con and Ross Bagdasarian was there to talk about his creation, The Chipmunks.

No one asked about Alvin or Simon.

It was a good Ted Talk.

Forge a New Path and Change Your @#$%in’ Password!

Happy Holidays!! It’s Blog Post #107. Thank you to everyone who has purchased Jonah Chooses Amazing so far. I’ve reached my goal of $200.00 to donate to the Heart and Stroke Foundation!! An update will be provided in Blog Post #108.

With the upcoming holidays, I thought I’d share an excerpt from Jonah Chooses Amazing, the year’s greatest gift possible.

“Happy George Michael Memorial Day Eve!”

“Oh yeah… I forgot you call it that. I hope ham is ok. Oh good, you found the tree and set it up. We can decorate it once I get the ham in the oven.”

Decorating the tree with holiday songs of yesteryear and hits from Wham was followed by setting the table and putting out the presents. Jonah had managed to get presents despite his recent troubles and a schedule that made Mother Nature look like a part time worker.

Q&A

Continuing with last month’s theme, I asked for emailed questions and promised to answer. I’m sorry if I didn’t get to yours or if the answer is delayed because I don’t want to give away any spoilers quite yet.

What is your writing process like? Do you write every day?

I do not write every day. I write when I have down time, when I’m feeling inspired, or when it’s been too long. No pressure. No deadlines. It’s what works best for me.

How is your health?

This wasn’t really the type of question I was looking for but since so many asked, I thought I should answer. It’s ok. I continue to have unexplained neurological symptoms. However, since September I have been feeling much better, much more like my self, with a very noticeable reduction in intensity and severity of symptoms. My doctor is very encouraged and optimistic of full recovery but that it will take time.

What’s your next book about?

It is called The Regrets We Can’t Have. It will be a series of short stories exploring regret, decisions, emotions, and human behaviors. It will look at how we see ourselves, how we want to be and act in certain situations, but how we so often fall short. I’m hopeful of a 2025 release. It could very well be the final book in human history not written by A.I.

Words of Wisdom

1. Celebrate. Celebrate the year that was with all its ups and downs. Celebrate the year to come. Despite the crazy state of the world, you and I are still here to enjoy it. That’s worth celebrating.

2. Don’t complain. When you order gelato that is the size of a golf ball and it costs three times your hourly wage, rest easy knowing that it hurts… just as it should. It should be a bit painful to indulge in things that aren’t good for us. In fact, instead of eating that gelato with the barbie doll sized spoon they give you, eat it all in one bite and get brain freeze. Let the pain flow through you.

End of the Line

This is my last post for 2023. We’ve come to the end of the year. It’s been a year of ups and downs for me personally. There’s been the challenges with my health which has also seen many positives as I seem to be making progress. There’s the sense of accomplishment and the positive feedback from completing and releasing my first novel, Jonah Chooses Amazing. Then, there’s all the things to be grateful for… and there are many. Friends, family, good times, and my wonderful wife Lesly. While we’ve come to the end of the line this year, I look forward to 2024, even is it means getting off this track and forging a new path.

Seattle U.S.A 2023

Thanks again for supporting this blog (by reading and sharing it) and supporting my novel, Jonah Chooses Amazing (by buying it, sharing about it, and most importantly reading it). I will answer some of your specific questions about the book in the next couple of blog posts. Happy Holidays and happy reading. Cheers. It’s now time for the ending jokes. Enjoy.

How many passwords do we need to have now? There’s a password for your computer, your phone, your bank, your government tax file. There’s passwords1 for every application, social media account, streaming service, and cloud. We need password1234 for Skyping, Zooming, Messaging, and Whatsapping. We even have a password678 for our app that manages all our passwords. Then they ask that these passwords be regularly changed and you can never use the same password44 twice. @#&% !! It’s crazy707.

In community health nursing, I have to have a user name and password for every program I access… which is a lot. They ask for a new password at least every three months while continuing to adjust the parameters of letters, numbers, and characters. The passwords8484 become so elaborate and safe that those who create them are also locked out. It’s crazy9918!!

There was a nurse at my work who retired early. In the exit interview, they asked why she was leaving. She said she loved her job but that she had run out of passwords for all the programs she had to use.

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I’m pleased to announce that Jonah Chooses Amazing is a finalist for RGM Publishing’s Book of the Year. Winner to be announced in January.

Questions, Answers, Explanations… and Everything in Between

It’s a November to remember. It’s Blog Post 106. Thank you to everyone who sent messages and questions. I asked for questions and was a bit overwhelmed by how many I received. Over the next three blog posts, I will answer some of your questions about writing and the novel, Jonah Chooses Amazing. I won’t be answering any spoiler questions until the new year.

The Great Xmas Push

George Michael Memorial Day is not far away. Here’s a quick reminder that I am donating a dollar from every book sold to the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada until December 26th. Consider this when buying a copy for every friend and family member on your Xmas list. Help me reach my goal of $200.00.

The Questions

Without fur or a dew, here’s your questions answered:

Where did the idea for Jonah Chooses Amazing come from?

It didn’t really come from one idea. It was more of multiple ideas. I listened to a humorous story on a podcast about someone who was to take on a ridiculous amount of difficult new year’s resolution. I combined that with a friend who had lost a lot of weight after letting himself go a bit in his mid 30s. He said that people reach a certain age and they think it’s too late… it’s not too late. My friend is now an ultra-marathon runner in his late 40s.

What’s next for you?

I’m looking to turn the novel into a screenplay. Since I know nothing about writing screenplays, there’s a learning curve that will take time. It could be a while. I’ve also started my next book called ‘The Regrets We Can’t Have’. It will be a series of short stories that I hope to release in late 2025.

What do you think of A.I. in the world of writing?

Great question. I believe A.I. will replicate and even exceed the writings of humans so far. It will follow a formula and do it better than we do… at a much faster and more productive rate. The good news is that I believe it will lead us writing humans to get more creative, challenge the rules a bit more, and really lean into the art of writing. I would say we need to think outside the box but really what we need to do is question whether we need a box, if there is a box, and whether we are over-thinking vs thinking. There is no spoon.

Are you happy with your sales?

Tough one. The answer is yes. I enjoy writing and I’m selling my books and putting my work out there. Would I like to be selling thousands? Yes, but that would likely require marketing campaigns, endless postings, appearances, videos, and maybe having to have a publishing overlord to answer to. I’m good… but still buy my book. Did I mention it makes a great gift under the tree?

How can you not believe in the Bible?

Woah, woah, woah. I believe in the bible. I’ve seen the book and held it in my own two hands. I believe the bible is a book of inspiration, guidance, and adventure where good defeats evil providing valuable life lessons… just like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and Jonah Chooses Amazing.

How come you never blog about travelling anymore?

This is going to be a bit personal. I’ve been ill. My health has really taken a hit the past couple of years. I’ve gone from being a regular runner and gym goer to a weak, overweight shadow of my former self. Doctors don’t know what it is and the symptoms have been debilitating. I can’t recall the last time I could honestly say I felt good. So, with that, I just haven’t been travelling and instead staying closer to home. Here’s a photo I took this month near home.

I’m still very hopeful of recovering my health and getting back out there travelling the world. I’ll update more on here over the next year.

Thanks for all your questions. There’s more but I’ll get to them next month. Keep sending them to my email, roygmundheim@gmail.com. Also, if you want your book signed, there is a book signing party in Vancouver on March 2nd. Email me and I’ll send you the details.

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t take your health for granted. If you have good health, enjoy it, use it, and maintain it as long as you can.

2. Don’t leave things until the last minute. Procrastination can lead to problems which I’ll explain more in my next blog.

3. Choose amazing and buy that special book for that special someone on your Xmas list. Don’t leave your shopping to the last minute.

Thanks for reading this month’s blog and for sending your messages and questions. Keep them coming. It’s now time for the ending jokes… with explanations that were requested via email. Enjoy.

My friend and I are both learning Spanish so we’ll ask each other questions.

I asked him, “What’s the Spanish word for octopus?”

“Ocho-pus?”

*Ocho is the Spanish word for eight. The answer is not ocho-pus.

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The Canadian government just announced new tools to help people plan for retirement.

It’s a package containing a Line of Credit, a credit card, instructions on filing for bankruptcy, and a tent.

*It’s becoming more and more expensive here.

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A conversation between me and my wife where I knew she wanted to go out for dinner instead of staying home and cooking a meal.

Me: “I know what you want to do.”

Her: “What you talkin’ about, Willis?”

Me: “You want to go out for dinner. I can read your Circle of Willis.”

Her: “Huh?”

*’What you talkin’ about Willis?’ is a catchphrase from a 1980s American sitcom called, Diff’rent Strokes. It’s used when something is shocking or something is happening that is a surprise to a person. ‘The Circle of Willis’ is a junction of arteries in the brain. Saying that I could read her Circle of Willis means that I could read her mind while also incorporating a “Willis”. This showed how clever I think I am.

Woah! We’re Half-way There…

It’s Blog Post 105. What a month! Thank you to everyone who is sharing and supporting Jonah Chooses Amazing. It’s been incredible to see photos of so many people with my novel and sharing the link on various social media platforms. Go Jonah! Also, a huge thank you to everyone who has purchased the novel so far.

Five Stars

If you liked my novel, please consider rating it on Amazon and/ or Goodreads. Share the link on whatever social media outlets you use. Tell your friends.

One Star

If you didn’t like it, I recommend buying another copy and reading that one. If you still don’t like it, buy several copies to share with friends to confirm that it’s not just you and your poor taste. If you are still not convinced it’s good, buy as many as you can for burning in the winter to stay warm. You too can choose amazing.

Supporting a Good Cause

As you may have read, until December 26th I am donating $1.00 Canadian from every copy of Jonah Chooses Amazing sold to The Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada. The goal is $200.00 and we’re almost halfway there. I’m hopeful that there will be a great Xmas push. It’ll make a great Xmas gift for you and your closest one hundred friends.

I know one person who’s buying extra copies.

Book Competitions

I will be entering Jonah Chooses Amazing into a couple of book competitions. I’m pleased to reveal that it has already been shortlisted for RGM Publishing’s Book of the Year. Unfortunately, the Nobel Prize in Literature was just announced, and it wasn’t me.

I have already started my next book, The Regrets We Can’t Have, so we’ll see if that brings recognition from the Nobel committee or if they’ll continue to overlook literary greatness. This blog alone should at least put me in contention.

Words of Wisdom

1. Purchase RGM Publishing’s Book of the Year candidate, Jonah Chooses Amazing. It’s an exciting time in literary history. Don’t miss out.

2. Question everything. Send me your questions about Jonah Chooses Amazing and I’ll answer them over the next three blog posts. I won’t answer direct questions about the story until after Xmas but send them anyway.

3. Are you in a book club? Suggest a great book that supports a great cause. You and your book club can also choose amazing.

Thank you again for supporting this blog and Jonah Chooses Amazing. It’s been a terrific month, and the feedback has been so positive and uplifting. I hope to soon be sharing excerpts and updates from my next book so stay tuned. It’s now time for the ending jokes. Enjoy.

My wife and I were in Alberta last month visiting friends. How cold will it get this winter in Alberta?

I don’t know but we saw several advertisements for Octoberfest parties… taking place in September.

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It was my birthday this month. While enjoying a glass of wine, my 51-year-old wife told me that she hadn’t had a ‘time of the month’ for three months.

”Oh wow! So, we need to go shopping for baby clothes?”

It’s Here! … And the Reviews are Amazing.

It’s here!! Blog Post 104. It’s also here!! Jonah Chooses Amazing is officially available for purchase on Amazon in paperback and digital form. I’m nervous and excited for everyone to read my debut novel, Jonah Chooses Amazing. I started this project in early 2020 (pre Covid) and battled, struggled, and persevered to accomplish this outrageous goal. Now, it’s time to share it with the world; the scary part of writing.

Giving Back

I will be donating $1.00 CAD from every book sold from now until December 26th to the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada. My goal is $200.00. This way, if anyone hates the book, I can rest easy knowing that some of the profits go to a worthwhile charity and those readers who feel ripped off can rest easy knowing they suck.

Please note: I will be making a donation to the Heart and Stroke Foundation and that this is not a joke, sarcasm, or my usual nonsense. Help me reach my goal!

Making Headlines and Reaching Deadlines

It’s been a scramble to get last minute speling mitsakes fixed and tipos corrected. If you buy a book and spot a problem, please send it to me. I’ll sign it for you and return it postage due. You’ll then have a signed flawed copy that will be worth a fortune in the future. Send it to:

Roy G. Mundheim

123 Fake Street

Winterfell, Westeros

90210

The Reviews are In

Jonah Chooses Amazing was preleased last month to a few select critics. Here’s what they had to say.

”This is the best book since Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside.” – Roy G. Mundheim (Author, Linguist, Humanitarian).

“It’s the book I wish I had written.” – Ian McEwan (Author).

”Pure Nonsense. There weren’t any wizards, magic, or monsters. Garbage.” – J.K. Rowling (Writer).

“I thought my novels were scary. Then I read Jonah Chooses Amazing and realized what scary truly is.” – Stephen King (Novelist).

“I regret that I released my novel on the same day as this masterpiece. I should have chosen amazing.” – Ken Follet (Oblivious Book Releaser).

“I loved this book. It grabbed me and took me on a wild adventure. Then, towards the end, it sped up and kind of fizzled. Disappointing.” – George R.R. Martin (Ironic Literary Icon).

Words of Wisdom

1. Listen to experts. The experts have spoken. Buy your copy of Jonah Chooses Amazing now.

2. Support great causes… like The Heart and Stroke Foundation. You too can choose amazing.

Words of Appreciation

Thank you to everyone who has supported and encouraged me through the process to finally reach this point. I could not have written this book without it. I appreciate all the kind words people sent supporting this project, my writing, and even this nonsense of a blog (which is actually fantastic). I’m so grateful to have this opportunity to share a bit of my passion and creativity with all of you. It has been a journey I can only describe as “Amazing”.

This bit of dialogue did not make the cut for Jonah Chooses Amazing so I thought I would share it here instead. Enjoy.

The novel takes place in Espen Falls, British Columbia, Canada, a fictional suburb of Greater Vancouver. Espen Falls Brewing is the local brewery. And… Action!

“I’ll have an Espen Falls IPA. Hey, remember what we used to do?”

In harmony, they began to sing, “I..I..I… looove…M.I.C. K.E.Y… E. F. I. P. A!!”

Interview with the Van Writer

It’s Blog Post #103. Thank you to everyone who sent messages expressing their interest in Jonah Chooses Amazing; a 100% A.I. – Free production. One of the most popular blog posts I wrote (Blog Post # 57) was in 2020 when I was able to interview the author of Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside, Roy G. Mundheim. It was a fascinating behind the scenes reveal of one of the true artistic geniuses of our time.

For Blog Post #103, I have again secured an interview with this exceptional author, linguist, and humanitarian who has changed the way regular people, like myself, look at life and the human experience. I hope you’ll enjoying reading this as much as I enjoyed putting it together.

Me: I am so pleased to be joined by Roy G. Mundheim, one of the true artistic geniuses of our time. He is an exceptional author, linguist, and humanitarian who has changed the way people look at life and the human experience. His first book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside was the 2019 winner of RGM Publishing’s Book of the Year. He is now about to release his first novel, Jonah Chooses Amazing, a literary masterpiece that, like many great artistic and scientific works, may not truly be appreciated until after his death. Roy is also the author behind the blog, Write or Wroy; a profound revolutionary philosophical series of satirical reflections that have changed the outlook, collective commentary, and mindset of all bipedal hominids. Welcome Roy. Thank you so much for doing this despite your crazy busy schedule.

Roy: No problem. When you said you wanted to interview me again, I knew it was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. You’re the best blogger I know.

Me: Thank you for that. So, tell us about Jonah Chooses Amazing. This is easily the most highly anticipated novel of the year. It feels like we’re at a monumental moment in literary history.

Roy: It certainly does. It feels like a lot of things. Jonah Chooses Amazing is more than a novel. It’s a relatable, motivational, and provocational literary work that is meant to answer all the big questions of life, the universe, and our place in it. I’m excited to share it with the world.

Me: Provocational? Your use of words and ability to invent and re-invent the English language never ceases to amaze me.

Roy: If muggles like J.K. Rowling can make up words while playing quidditch, then we all have a little license to do a little makey-upey. Cat-Peachy?

Me: Ha. So true. Well, when can we expect Jonah Chooses Amazing?

Roy: September 26th. It will be available on Amazon as a paperback and in digital form for phones, laptops, tablets, and Kindles. You’ll soon find the link on my website and in my blog, Write or Wroy.

Me: Oh wow! That’s fantastic. I can’t wait to get my copy. Did you know that Ken Follet is releasing his latest book on that same day?

Roy: Ken who?

Me: Ok. Can you tell us what your novel is about? The plot? The premise? The story being told?

Roy: Yeah. It’s about this guy. His name is Jonah.

Me: Uh huh…

Roy: And he chooses amazing.

Me: That’s fantastic… amazing really. For him to be able to choose like that… to choose amazing. I just don’t have words. Can you tell us a bit about the book’s cover?

Roy: Definitely! It’s the work of my friend, Sarah Cowan, who edited my first book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside. She’s a talented graphic designer and artist. She worked with me to create a cover that reflects Jonah’s journey. I’m excited for how it has turned out.

Me: Do you have any Words of Wisdom you could share with my fanbase?

Roy: Of course. Buy Jonah Chooses Amazing. Read it. It’s the best book since Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside.

Me: Great. Thanks for doing this, Roy. I’m really looking forward to reading Jonah Choosing Amazing. Congratulations on your first novel. This is very very exciting.

Roy: Thank you. I hope everyone will love this novel… but I know, not all will. I appreciate your kind words. I look forward to continuing to read your amazing blog and wish you nothing but the best.

There it was; my interview with Roy G. Mundheim. Thank you for reading Blog Post #103. I’ll have more information available later this month on getting your copy of Jonah Chooses Amazing. I usually end these blog posts with a joke but instead I have a very special treat. After interviewing author Roy G. Mundheim, I had the opportunity to interview author Ken Follet, who’s latest book, The Armour of Light will also be released on September 26th. Here is that interview. Enjoy.

Me: So Ken, what made you decide to release The Armour of Light on September 26th ? Jonah Chooses Amazing by Roy G. Mundheim is being released on that same day. Aren’t you concerned about your book being overshadowed, overlooked, or simply ignored when you’re competing with such a literary titan? What was your publishing company’s thinking here?  

Ken: Uh, really? I, I didn’t know. Are you sure? I’ll need to talk to my people. This is interview is over!

Releasing the Spermatozoa in the Wrong Hotel

August brings the sun and Blog Post #102 brings the fun. Thanks for all the great feedback from Blog Post #101. Yes, the bookmark photo was pretty cool.

Get Ready for Literary Magic

My debut novel is finished! I anticipate Jonah Chooses Amazing to be available next month. I’ve been working on Amazon Kindle’s self publishing platform for the past few weeks and it’s going well. I haven’t wanted to throw my laptop out the window even one time. The book will be available in both digital and paperback forms. I was pleased to be able to send a preliminary version of the book to my Kindle Device.

Now, to read it and check for formatting and spacing issues. Watch out for flying Kindles!

What to Expect

Expect a bit weird. Sometimes, I ‘tell’ the story instead of ‘show’; a literary no-no. This novel is both rule breaking and ground breaking. I must also concede that it may not exactly be a literary masterpiece. I won’t be submitting for the Booker Prize, the Pulitzer Prize, or the Nobel Prize in Literature. However, Jonah Chooses Amazing will be eligible for RGM Publishing’s Book of the Year. Wish me luck.

Expect multiple blog posts next month. I am planning a ‘shock and awe’ campaign of posts (likely two) discussing the novel, it’s release, and how you can get your copy. Like baby turtles, krill, locusts, or human spermatozoa, it will be an overwhelming release of information to the masses.

Book Cover

Every book needs a cover. How else would you judge it? I am excited for how my book cover is turning out. To see something go from concept to fruition is very rewarding. It’s not yet complete but it’s close.

Book Cover by Sarah Cowan

The Finishing Touches

As I come to the end goal of writing a novel, I reflect on the last few years. I started the novel in 2020 and it will be available this year, almost four years later. Illness, loss, work, and procrastination all had to be overcome to reach this point. Then I think about the fact that A.I. could have written this novel in two days and I question whether I’ll ever write a novel again. Will writing novels even be a thing in the future? Will we download stories directly to our brain? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t use antibacterial soap. This was going to be in the novel but it didn’t make the cut so I thought I’d share it here.

”What’s all this?”

“It’s anti-bacterial soap, hand sanitizer, and antibacterial household cleaning spray. I don’t want to end up in the hospital again.”

”Yeah…I wouldn’t buy that, Jonah. It’s not healthy. We’re mostly bacteria. We’re more bacteria than we are human.”

2. Face the fear. Don’t be afraid to try and fail. Too many people don’t actually try. Get ready for Jonah Chooses Amazing; My Try. It has a chance to go down as one of the great stories of our time, like Sharknado, Howard the Duck, Captain Underpants, or Cats.

Thanks for reading this month’s blog and taking a glimpse into the release of my upcoming novel. It’s time for the ending joke and it comes directly from the novel. To prepare you, I’ve included the book’s warning, so read that first before proceeding. Enjoy.

Advisory: This novel contains coarse language, descriptions of violence, and sexual content.

Names, characters, places, events, and incidents in this book are fictitious and should not be interpreted as real or factual. Any similarities to real events or people are strictly coincidental. References to real people, cultural icons, and historical characters are made in fictitious conversations or in fictional citing of fictional written work.

… he continued, “I was walking down the road while on vacation in Mexico. There was a sign that said, Anai Suites, A-N-A-I suites. But the ‘I’ looked more like an ‘L’. Anal Suites. My friend said… I wouldn’t want to stay there. I replied, I wouldn’t stay the night but it would be ok for a few minutes.”

How to Write a Novel 101

It’s on to century #2 with Blog Post 101. Thank you to everyone who emailed or commented their support and congratulations on reaching 100 blog posts. It’s an accomplishment that I’m proud of and didn’t really expect.

Novel In Progress

Jonah Chooses Amazing continues to steam forward. I’m hopeful for an end of September release. JCA Bookmarks have been completed and I’m just now starting to give them out to friends and family. If you would like a bookmark, please email me at roygmundheim@gmail.com with your writing address and I’ll send you one.

I’ve been sharing information and excerpts from my novel here over the last year. The goal has been to reveal enough without giving away too much. It’s been a delicate balance. I do provide a warning and disclaimer for Jonah Chooses Amazing that reads as follows:

Advisory: This novel contains coarse language, descriptions of violence, and sexual content.

Names, characters, places, events, and incidents in this book are fictitious and should not be interpreted as real or factual. Any similarities to real events or people are strictly coincidental.

References to real people, cultural icons, and historical characters are made in fictitious conversations or in fictional citing of fictional written work.

I also considered adding the following disclaimer but chose not to:

This novel breaks rules! If you are looking for elaborate descriptions of mountains, rivers, and rolling fields this is not the novel for you. Imagination is required. There’s no hand holding. You will need to follow the breadcrumbs and put the pieces together. There’s irony, sarcasm, and subtle humor that relies on the readers intelligence and open-mindedness. It is not laid out as you would expect. Paragraphs aren’t even indented correctly (on purpose) and the journey from internal thought to actual actions is fraught with danger and mystery. Proceed with Amazement.

Choose to Start

A lot of people say they want to write a book but that they don’t know where to start. My advice is to start writing with the intention of writing a book. Write one word, then another, then another. You start where you are with whatever knowledge you have.

In the story, Jonah becomes very focused on ‘actions’ and it’s a very good place to start. He realizes that thinking about doing things won’t get things done. It’s the same with writing a book. It’s not possible to ‘think it’ into existence… unless you’re a Jedi.

Words of Wisdom

1. Know that actions are important.

I recently read, “Replace ‘sorry’ with ‘thank you.’ Instead of saying ‘Sorry I’m late’, try ‘Thank you for waiting for me’. #changeyourmindset”

Or…orrr, orrr, instead, don’t be late. #changeyourbehaviour

2. Don’t be afraid to do things badly… especially when starting. Learning a language, writing a book, starting a blog, or whatever it is; Expect to suck.

Thanks for reading this month’s blog. I’m doing my best to get this great content out there despite spending most of my writing time and energy to prepare Jonah Chooses Amazing for release . It’s been a challenge but it’s getting there. Stay tuned for more amazing content and updates on my upcoming novel. It’s now time for the ending jokes. Enjoy.

“I passed the nursing exam and received my license. I’m now a Registered Nurse!”

“That’s great. I just bought Batman Volume 101 and joined the Batfan Club and mailing list. I’m now a Registered Nerd!”

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Retirement Planning

“I don’t see how you can retire. Your numbers don’t add up. I mean, you’re not even 50 years old.”

“But I’m learning Spanish.”

”Oh! Ok then.”

“Plus my self-published novel is coming out this year.”

The Few Tears Now

Time waits for no one. It just goes and goes. It seems like just yesterday that I wrote Blog Post #1… with a dream. That was May 7th 2016. Now, it’s Blog Post #100, an amazing milestone. Thank you to everyone who has read my contributions to human knowledge.

It has been one hundred scientifically accurate, ground-breakingly informative, progressively contributive recorded thoughts of world-changing, paradigm-shifting, view-altering significance. What a run!

Return to Health Update

As I’ve written here a few times, I have struggled (and continue to struggle) with my health over the last two plus years. It’s been a mystery to doctors and specialists. It’s been frustrating and gut wrenching. In April, I began significant improvements. I’m back doing a bit of running and have started very light workouts. The hope is that the mystery illness mysteriously disappears in the same way it appeared and stays away.

Novel Update

Jonah Chooses Amazing is barreling towards the finish line. Here is a photo of the bookmark that Sarah, the designer of the book’s cover, has been working on.

I’m hopeful to be giving out these bookmarks this summer in preparation for the Fall release of Jonah Chooses Amazing.

A preliminary survey of Jonah Chooses Amazing was completed last month. After the reading, it was rated and reviewed by the test audience. I’m pleased to say it was rated A… for Amazing. I also read a 5-star review for the book… right after I wrote it. The pre-release opinions are promising.

In the News

Other Books

Another popular book is in the news. A book called The Bible has been trending. Scientists say they have found a chapter hidden under a section of text for more than a thousand years. It’s at the beginning of the book and says, “Thou shalt not take this book seriously. These stories are fictional and meant only as a guide to teach you to be good to one another.” War broke out shortly after the text was discovered.

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t take your health for granted. It can change before you know it, when you least expect it.

2. From the Bottom of My Chart: Take supplements. I was taking a supplement to improve my memory… but I kept forgetting to take it.

3. Don’t give up just because of rejection.

Daft Punk were recently exiled from Mandalor. Did they give up? No. They recruited Starboy to help them with a plan to Get Lucky. This is the way.

Thank you again for all the support. I couldn’t have written one hundred blog posts without it. Actually, I could have… and would have. Thanks for all the support anyway. Hopefully, there’ll be a hundred more.

It’s now time for the FUN ending jokes. I’ve been focused on my novel so these were the best I had. They’ll get better… or worse, depending on your perspective. Enjoy.

Do you know the best thing about going to a Shania Twain concert?

It’s the prerogative to have a little fun… fun…fun.

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What do you call an Australian who helps troubled youth unlock the powers of meditation?

A Gang-guru.

“That’s the last joke of blog post one hundred? Lame:(”

“Yeah, that’s the end of blog post number fun hundred.”

“Better:)”