Season’s Greetings and Happy New Year. It’s time! …For Blog Post #9. It’s that time of year where 8 or so of the world’s major religions celebrate 30 + different holidays. It’s the season where Muslims celebrate Milad un Nabi, Jews celebrate Hanukkah, Christians celebrate Christmas, and Atheists……celebrate Christmas….for some reason. I am thinking that I may now refer to December 25^th as George Michael Memorial Day. Soon, decorations, lights, and Xmas trees will be taken down leaving us all a little sad. Don’t let it get you too down though. It’ll be late September before you know it and lights, decorations, and Xmas carols will all start again.

A Review. 2016

If you’re looking for a comprehensive and accurate review of 2016, I’m Your Man. This past year was Amazing for me personally but it will likely go down as one of the worst for mankind since 1999. While I would love to be writing about human Life on Mars, the cure for cancer, a rise in the atheist movement, world peace, and the Vancouver Canucks hoisting the Stanley Cup, the year that was will go down as one of tragedy and disappointment. It’s been the year of fentanyl, when Brexit became a word, and Zika wasn’t the newest Brazilian goalkeeping sensation. The death of well known actors, musicians, and politicians combined with shocking election results, numerous terrorist attacks, and cell phones that simply exploded in your hands has many people saying, “ Hallelujah! 2016 is over!”

The biggest story of the year, according to news organization worldwide, is the election of Donald Trump to the presidency of the United States of America. I’m grateful that I’m Canadian and This is Not America. Young Americans are now Praying for Time to move quickly and get these four years over with. Unfortunately, Americans and the rest of the world will need to have Patience. Everybody Knows that Freedom is Something to Save. In four years, Donald Trump will be asking for One More Try and once again The Future will be in the hands of American voters. When The Heat is On, will they again decide to vote for The Man Who Sold the World and keep The Thieves in the Temple or will they seek better for themselves and the world. I have Faith that they’ll make the right choice the second time around.

Looking Ahead. 2017

What does 2017 hold for us? I will make some bold predictions and we’ll see where we are at the end of the year:

1. Celebrities of various levels will die. Drugs, old age, and disease took many of the best artists and icons in 2016. I predict this trend will continue.
2. “I Feel It Coming” by The Weeknd with Daft Punk will be the biggest song of 2017. It’s hard to believe Michael Jackson is not with us when you hear that opening.

https://vimeo.com/195698654

3. Atheism will continue to stagnate while people look to higher powers to explain war, disease, and the meaning of it all. Religion isn’t going anywhere.
4. Fentanyl laced street drugs will be an increasing health threat. There will be cries for action from government and health authorities with little effect. The drugs will become more and more potent like the latest threat, Carfentanyl. It is only a matter of time before we’ll be saying, “What’s next?… Truckfentanyl?”
5. There will be positives. There has to be. We’ll find ways to connect, to support, to be kind. News outlets will be pushed to see the positive side of the human experience. Positivity will still exist and you’ll find it… if you look for it. What will you focus on in 2017?

Bonus Prediction: The Vancouver Canucks will not win the Stanley Cup.

Did you catch the references to songs by David Bowie, Prince, Leonard Cohen, Glen Frey, and George Michael in paragraphs two and three? Trick question: Who sang “I’m Your Man”? With the birth of a new year, I give you original “jokes” about birth. The first is more of a riddle. The second is more of an amusing true story with exaggerations. Enjoy.

In recorded history, what was the youngest baby ever born?

They’re all the same age.

_______________________________________________________________

Before beginning our maternity rotation in nursing school, we were asked to read several chapters on birth and babies. We then had two days of classroom time before setting out into hospitals and community clinical settings. On the first classroom day, the instructors asked us, “Who here has been to a birth?”

I put my hand up but was surprised to see more than half the group had never been to a birth.

The instructor chose me, the only male in the room, and asked, “Roy, what was it like?”

“I don’t remember. I was pretty young.”

One instructor smiled while the other continued to ask me, “Well, do you remember anything from it?”

“I don’t remember a thing but I do know the baby survived and is now in nursing school.”

Everybody laughed….except the instructor who still seemed bewildered, “Well, that’s good. Anything else you can tell us?”

“Although I don’t remember it, I know that I battled and struggled and fought my way out of that confining meat sack….to reach FREEDOM!”

It’s Blog Post #8 and the last post of 2016. I wrote a piece for the Vancouver Coastal Health blog and you can read it here and the link is now available under “Published Work” in the menu. http://vchblogs.ca/trip-planning-dont-forget-travel-clinic/

A lot of the feedback was that people didn’t like Blog Post #7. It was too serious and way too complicated. I’ll try to simplify things a bit. I understand that most people go into a nice slumber when mentioning calorie counting, reading food labels, and weighing food. It wasn’t meant to be a “you should do this” kind of post. It was to be a “Here. This is what’s working for me.” I apologize if it didn’t come across that way.

The things I hope I did get across are that consistency and sustainability are the most important things. While we congratulate people who go on a strict diet and lose 20 lbs in three weeks, the chances that they can keep it off are pretty low. That’s because it’s too extreme and not something the person is able to stick to. Find things you enjoy eating and figure out how to incorporate them into a healthy diet. Labelling a food as “good” or labelling a food as “bad” is not really the best approach. Instead, looking at your diet as a whole will give you a better indication of how healthy you’re eating. I’ll use an Alan Aragon example:

Which food is healthier? Celery or ice cream?

Most people would say celery. I would say ice cream.

Celery has little to no calories (we need calories to live) and very little nutritional value. There’s no macronutrients!

Ice Cream (based on the vanilla that I eat) has 1 gram of protein, 3.5 grams of fat, 18 grams of carbs, 110 calories for a half cup.

If you were trapped with only one food, either ice cream or celery, you would live longer on ice cream!!

The point is that we need to look at our whole diet with all the variety of foods we eat, not a single food in isolation.

One question I did get was, “How do I get that much protein? My answer is MEAT! However, the person asking… is a vegetarian. Now, we’re getting to an area I don’t know that much about. Vegetarians and vegans need to do their research. They need to know that they’re getting their essential amino acids and nutrients. My personal belief is that meat offers the best and healthiest way to eat. If that’s not for you, my advice would be to take your diet very seriously, do your research, gauge how you’re feeling, and even seek professional advice from a dietician or nutritionist. Knowledge is power.

As for how else I get my protein. I eat a lot of eggs, Greek yogurt, hummus, whey protein, and protein bars. It is definitely a challenge and requires planning. Milk, cheese, and certain vegetable will help with your protein numbers as well. Drinking lots of water is vitally important, especially if new to a high protein diet, so you can avoid the X-Lax. Consult with your doctor before any major changes to your diet. There is a long standing belief that high protein diets damage the kidneys. Research that I have looked at and the advice of experts I have read does not support that belief.

Enough about that diet thing and being oh, so, serious….While I talk about health and lifestyle on this blog, it is actually and ultimately, my writing blog….a place to write my thoughts on pretty much anything; to practice an art form. There are no rules for spelling, punctuation, or grammar. It’s art.

“Yeah, Roy, I know. Spelling, punctuation, grammar, terrible. I’ve been reading it from the beginning.”

I plan to blog about some different topics. I’m looking at doing some reviews (movies, music, restaurants etc.). It would be to branch out with writing and to try something new. Next month, my wife and I are heading to The United States of America. It’ll be the first time going down there with Donald Trump as the president. I’m thinking about writing an expose on how people are feeling in Washington State. I’ll interview people and ask them about their fears and the political unrest. How has the division of the country affected their lives? Are they afraid that color-based segregation, coat hanger abortions, and the oppression of women will manifest itself more publically and once again be socially acceptable? Can special interest groups and corporate America steal from hard-working American people in a more overt way making it impossible to “fight the power!” and to bring a stronger sense of equality to the population? Actually, I’ll probably just visit breweries and ask about beer.

I doubt we’ll be “talkin’ about a revolution” but let’s talk about a resolution. It’s almost that time. I was finally successful with my resolutions and goals in 2016….working out, eating right, career changes, beginning my writing with a website, blog, and articles and travelling to China. With 2017 just around the corner, I’m ready to tackle new goals. More working out, more frequent blog posts, and more travelling top the list. My wife and I will get another cat (or two cats) in 2017. Opening a craft beer pub, climbing Mt. Everest, and getting a nipple ring will have to wait until 2018. My ten year anniversary is coming up in 2017, so I’ll also once again try to get to Mordor to destroy the one ring.

Thank you to everyone who has read my blog, sent me feedback, and supported me in this endeavour. I’ve enjoyed writing this and many (not all) of you seemed to have enjoyed reading it. I hope that 2017 will see me able to put out more frequent posts that are of a little more quality than the crap you’ve endured so far. Happy 2017! The usual ending jokes are here. Enjoy.

We want to get a cat.

Go down to the SPCA and grab one.

That’s what Trump said.

 

I’ll probably just visit breweries and ask about beer…..but no stouts or porters. I don’t like the dark ones.

That’s what Trump said.

*Ok, it’s not going to become a regular thing. That’s the last one.

“Hey, did you hear that Rihanna is in town filming Bates Motel?”

“Breanna?”

“No. Rihanna.”

“Oh, I thought you said Breanna. She’s someone I work with?

“Someone you work work with?”

“Huh?”

“Or is she someone you work work work work with?”

😦

Blog Post #7 is here to brighten up your day, evening, or night. It’s been back to work for my wife and I after returning from our amazing trip to China. The exercising regularly continues. Our diet plan is being followed while still finding the moderation required to keep it enjoyable and sustainable. With the New Year not all that far away and some requests from people asking about my diet, I thought I’d pass on some nutrition tips and a light version of what I believe healthy eating is.

First off, I want to say that I’m not a dietician, a nutritionist, or a food expert in any way. Nutrition was a small aspect of my nursing school education and undoubtedly plays a role in the care I give to my patients in the hospital. The knowledge I do have comes from reading the thoughts, conclusions, and advice provided by nutritionists, nutrition researchers, and research reviewers. I also feel confident in speaking to what has worked and is working for me in my life. I am down 17.5 lbs (8kg) since January 4^th and I feel good.

When I look for advice or need to answer a nutrition question, I ask Google. More specifically, I search for what Alan Aragon has to say on the subject. Sometimes referred to as Alan Aragod, he is a nutrition researcher, educator, and guru whose work in the area of food/diets is revered in the world of health and nutrition…..unless you’re looking to sell quick-fixes, fad diets, gimmicks, and just downright non-science bologna. Those people selling that stuff don’t seem to like him very much.

Why don’t I do the Paleo Diet? Alan Aragon. Why don’t I take BCAA supplements? Alan Aragon. Why do I focus on protein? Alan Aragon. You get the idea. Giving credit where it is due, check out his website here: https://alanaragon.com/about-alan/

Here’s the gist, short version, Cliff-Notes on what has worked for me (with Alan Aragon’s help).

1. The best diet is the diet you can stick to. Otherwise, what’s the point? Enjoy life.
2. Calories are the number one determinant of weight loss and weight gain. Eat for the weight you want to be using Alan Aragon’s Calorie Counter:                                             Goal weight in lbsS x (Work out hours per week + 9.5) = Daily Caloric needs
3.  Macronutrients (Protein, Fats, and Carbohydrates) matter.

•  Protein grams = Goal weight in lbs
•  Fat grams = half your goal weight in lbs
•  Carbohydrates = the rest of your calories

4.   Flex Days are important. I used to call them cheat days but it’s not really cheating. One to two days a week I eat what I want with no calories counting or restrictions. With the knowledge of how many calories things are and the importance of protein, I tend to still make good food choices. I decide what cravings and indulgences are important to me and go from there. Beer, wine, and good restaurant food is a drag to calorie count so I don’t. Ice cream, one of my absolute loves is included in my diet plan because it’s easy to calorie count. Half a cup of vanilla is 110 delicious calories.

Let’s put those numbers in for me: My goal weight is 170 lbs. I work out approximately three hours a week.

170 x (3+9.5) = 2125 calories

Protein = 170 grams (680 calories) *1 gram of protein = 4 calories

Fat = 85 grams (765 calories) *1 gram of fat = 9 calories

• this number surprised me and is not as easy to consume as it may seem (avocados, flax seed oil, and egg yolks etc.)

Carbohydrates = 170 grams (680 calories) *1 gram of carbohydrate = 4 calories

While it can seem daunting to start with, it’s actually fairly easy once you get into it. The two flex days do so much more than relieve cravings. They really give me the mental break from the preparation and moderate amount of restriction from the other five days of the week. The one flex day I refer to as Healthy Flexing and is still focused on healthy food choices (good protein, vegetables, etc.) but allows me some wine or beer. It’s important to note that the progress made in the five days of calorie counting can be completely destroyed in one meal, let alone two flex days. Don’t do an all doughnut day or think that eating a whole large deep dish pizza won’t have an impact.

Two flex days is likely not approved by Alan Aragon but I find that this system is working for me. It has taken 11 months to take off 17.5 lbs (8kg). While some might look at that number as slow progress, I really feel that it is more sustainable than the quick-fix weight loss plans. Losing 10 to 20 lbs in one to two months often sees it all return and then some when the unsustainable plan meets the irresistible dessert platter.

A Fun Look at Macronutrients

Protein plays a huge role in many key body functions. As I understand it, dietary protein combines with the body’s natural occurring Eye of Newt to create magic. It plays some sort of role in cell repair too but…. boring.

• Dietary fat does not make us fat.
• Too many calories does that
• So eat the yolks.
• Make avocado jokes
• That’s all I have to say ’bout dat.

Carbohydrates. Everybody wants to cut out carbs. Before you cut carbs and go on the Atkins diet or strict Paleo or whatever other Carb-free diet you find, remember one thing: Carbs = Happiness. You’ll be removing happiness from your life. Don’t remove happiness.

Alcohol is kind of a fourth macronutrient. It doesn’t fall into any of the other three categories. It adds the calories and can do it quickly while providing no nutritional value. It does however have the benefit of making you more charming, giving you the ability to sing, and providing you with the belief that you can win So You Think You Can Dance. Thank goodness for that! My simple words of advice: Moderation is key. Pay attention to alcohol percentage as even 1% can make a difference. My more advanced words of advice: Restrict your dietary fat around alcohol consumption. Your liver will be busy dealing with alcohol.

Thanks for reading. I hope some of this information is helpful. I regret that I didn’t know more about nutrition when I was a serious athlete in my teens and twenties. It’s such an important part of health and performance. As usual, I have an original joke….actually I have four. I’ve also decided to post a couple of inappropriate jokes. Based on the recent election in the United States, there appears to be an increased tolerance for the inappropriate. My inappropriate is no where near as bad as any of that so I thought I’d share. Enjoy.

What did the avocado say to The Biggest Loser contestant?    

 Eat me.

 

 On November 9^th, 2016, I was at work at the end of the shift. My co-worker was on the computer looking at IKEA’s website. She said she was looking at kitchen ideas for their new house.                                                                                                                                               She said, “I’m not sure where I want the cabinets and the drawers. One thing I do know is that I want a white kitchen. White is in!”

“That’s what Trump said!”  

“Or should I say, that’s what the American people said.

* “That’s what Trump said!” may become a regular bit on this blog. 

 

Las Vegas are entering the National Hockey League. They announced their team name as The Golden Knights. Next, they will name the new arena. Ideas include; The Golden Rink, Golden Arena, and The Golden Dome. After that they will be looking for suggestions on naming the luxury suites, the change rooms, and the showers.

 

The Star Wars IX script has been leaked! In an attempt to replace the beloved Hand Solo character, the story will take a turn. The droid, BB8, will begin training to defeat the Dark Side. After his training is complete, he becomes a Jedi; a self gratifying, self stimulating, light saber virtuoso that causes his enemies to stutter: He is then known as, Master BB8.

Blog Post # 6 (Post China) is here! That went fast. My wife and I had an amazing 18 days in Hong Kong and mainland China. We did not get sick as many people predicted we would. I had a co-worker, originally from China, tell me before I left, “oh, you’ll get sick for sure.” We did skip all food that seemed too risky. We skipped the scorpions and crickets that were displayed alive on sticks. We also skipped the tarantulas and sea horses. The one issue I did have came when a car, too small for the path, required that I step into some bushes to let him by. I must have stepped into some plant that didn’t like being touched by human skin because it caused my shins and ankles to become a blotchy red and yellow and extremely itchy. I considered seeking medical attention but as quickly as it came on, it was gone.

As for my health regimen, I had both successes and failure. I did not miss a workout despite the heat of Hong Kong and Guangzhou. It was challenging at times but with a mindset that working out is a “must” and not a “should”, I never considered missing a session. Diet was a difficult challenge but one I definitely learned from. Who knew China had so many great craft breweries? My wife and I walked so much that I found myself ravenously hungry more than once in an area with only McDonald’s or KFC to choose from….poor planning.

All in all, it was the once in a lifetime trip I had hoped for. I learned a lot and even picked up a tiny bit of Mandarin (highly useful for a nurse working in Vancouver, Canada – not sarcasm). Here’s an overview of the trip with all the cheesy humour you can handle. There’s good advice too:

Hong Kong

If anyone were to ask me, “How’s Hong Kong? What’s it like?”, I’d have to say,

“I don’t know. It’s not done yet.”

There was construction everywhere. It does have potential to be a city one day. Getting around is quite easy (if construction isn’t blocking your way). The subway, the tram, and the passenger ferries are all easy and affordable. Much of the city is built on a hill so of course there are escalators built by the sidewalk to help you make your way up. Sorry, you’ll have to walk down on your own power. On the first day there, I decided to go to Victoria Park to work out on the outdoor fitness equipment and then run on the rubber jogging track. I went before 0800 to try to beat the heat. Apparently, all the people of Hong Kong also love Victoria Park and like to beat the heat. The park was jam packed full of exercisers doing strength training, dancing, jogging, walking, and tai chi. I did my session and powered through and around all the many health-conscious people surrounding me. It felt so right to get off to a good start. Later, I found a store with protein bars and protein drinks and did some stocking up. I was then ready to get some dim sum at Dim Dim Sum so I could say I had some dim sum at Dim Dim Sum in Hong Hong Kong.

Mainland China

I had heard many travellers say that they didn’t like mainland China. The country certainly has pros and cons. In the very hot and humid Guangzhou, we found polluted air, disgusting water ways, and crowded streets….yet I loved it. Friendly people, clean streets, beautiful parks, and wonderful architecture made Guangzhou a city bursting with personality. The weather tried so very hard to dampen our spirits as the rain hit us hard more than once. Luckily, the typhoon (Typhoon Haima) that was predicted and had the schools closed never really made it to us.

Your money is no good here! While I should have exchanged money at the airport (insert my wife’s “I told you so” and laugh here), I decided to wait and figured I would exchange money at a bank in Guangzhou. Oh no no no, it does not work that way:

The Bank of China were first up, “What do you want to do?”

“Exchange dollars for Chinese money.”

“Fill out this form.”

“OK”

“Sign here”

“OK”

“What’s your account number? Do you have your bank card?”

“What? No. I just want to exchange this cash for Chinese cash”

“No you need an account here.”

“I’m a tourist. I’m here for 2 weeks. I don’t have or need an account”

Then my friend volunteers to use his account, fills out a couple of long forms and they still can’t do it because he doesn’t have his passport on him but does have a photocopy of it. Not good enough.

We go to another bank. The HSBC. We have a card for them.

“No you need a Chinese account but they’ll exchange money around the corner at ICBC”

Wait, ICBC? No, not that ICBC.

So 45 minutes later following the filling out of multiple forms, copies of every portion of our passport, and an extended interview process, we were able to exchange cash money made of paper for Chinese money made of paper. If that’s exchanging money, how do people get a mortgage or purchase a car? Upon leaving China, we brought our money to an exchange depot at the airport and the transaction was completed before you could say, “What the feng shui?”

Protein was another issue I found in mainland China. Well, there’s plenty of protein if you want whole ducks, tarantulas, and scorpions. However, I found supplemental protein (protein bars and drinks) impossible to find. I wish I had brought more into the country with me. Protein is the most important macronutrient for optimal health and weight control (another post for another time). It was difficult to not have access to my protein supplements. In the end I put on just over 4 lbs (2.5kg) in my time in China. The process to reach my weight loss and fitness goals is already back on track now that I’m home. It’s one of the big reasons that it’s good to be home.

One major thing I’ve learned in my travels is that different cultures have different views of personal space. No where was this more evident than in Shanghai and Beijing. With populations of over 20 million in each city, people adapt and just expect to be jostled by others. Sitting in China reading a post/rant on Facebook from a friend back home requesting that people provide personal space on the Skytrain (Vancouver’s Subway), I couldn’t help but laugh. I had just taken the subway at rush hour in Shanghai where the train was so packed that people could barely breathe. At that moment I knew why sardines at the Shanghai aquarium said they were packed in their like Chinese commuters. My wife said we should wait for the next train. I grabbed her hand and said we’re getting on as I barged through the line like Marshawn Lynch in his heyday. What surprised my wife is that ten more people came on after us. With us so packed together and my very limited Mandarin, I’m not sure that I didn’t start a couple of relationships. It was at least a first date.

So with those few thoughts on travel and health, I can say I’m so glad my wife and I went to China. I had a fantastic time but it is also truly great to be home (despite all the rain). As usual, here is an original joke (with a bonus joke). I can’t take all of the credit here as it came from conversations with a co-worker and a friend (Claire and Corey). They had the punch lines that I tried to shape, add to, and restructure for print. Enjoy!

I asked a co-worker if she would ever consider getting involved in management and leadership.

She replied with a sad sigh, “Nooo. I can’t. I still have a human heart… and a soul:(”

Bonus joke:

My friend had a band-aid on his finger. I asked him what happened.

He explained that he had been on vacation in Vietnam and had caught his finger in a cooler door getting a beer.

 I said, “That’s a bit embarrassing.”

 “It’s not embarrassing. I was wounded in ‘Nam!”

Blog Post #5 is here for your amusement and interest. As mentioned in my first ever blog post, there’s a lot of aspects to health. It’s much more than nutrition and exercise. Nothing brings that more to the forefront than travel. Drinking water, food preparation, medical care, injuries, and disease exposure are all concerns the healthy traveller should think about. As a Registered Nurse, I would advise anyone travelling to a new country to have a travel clinic assessment. Ensure vaccines and immunizations are up to date and become educated on important health updates in the region you’re going to. Get a prescription for antibiotics and bring them with you. Know if you can drink the water and how to get medical help if needed. Travel Insurance is an absolute a must. With knowledge and preparation, you can then enjoy the many great aspects of travelling and seeing the world.

Although I posted not long ago, I decided to get another post up before my wife and I leave for China. We have almost three weeks to visit four cities and experience this massive country. There should be some great writing opportunities and ideas from spending time in the eastern part of China. Also, the general feedback was that the jokes from last week were even more lame than usual and I wanted to get another but better cheesy joke out there. Here’s a quick overview of our itinerary with some insight and advice on planning a trip of this size.

Hong Kong

We can’t wait for our first visit Hong Kong. We have 5 days to check out one of the great international cities in the world. I’m looking forward to running and working out at Victoria Park. I’ve researched the area and looked over the outdoor fitness equipment. It’s not far from our hotel and gives us the chance to see the park while maintaining our health regimen. Like New York City, Hong Kong is walk-able and all about the food. It’s definitely a place that suites us and we will enjoy.

Guangzhou

Going, going, Guang. Zhou never know where you’ll get the chance to travel to. When my best friend told me he was moving to China for three years I asked him, “Where in China?”

He said, “Guangzhou.”

I said, “Bless you. Where are you moving to?”

I don’t know a lot about this city but I look forward to my friend showing us around and learning more about mainland China. The plan is for my friend to orient us to Guangzhou (explain pun here) for a couple of days before we are then released on our own to seek our own adventures. It’s in this time, I plan to run and get my workouts in.

Shanghai

We then travel to Shanghai. Once we decided we were going to head north to The Great Wall of China, it seemed natural that we would stop in Shanghai. We weren’t tricked or forced into it. (define “shanghaied” here) Shanghai, a major financial and cultural hub, is one of the world’s most populated cities. We will arrive with a book and a hotel room but with no real agenda other than workouts, adventures, and exploration. Pollution and air quality are a concern here and may require us to wear a mask when going out.

Beijing

We will leave Shanghai by train and head north to China’s capital. After all Beijing did to save Dr. Mark Watney from Mars and the contributions made to Matt Damon’s career in The Great Wall, I knew that I had to travel to Beijing and see The Great Wall of China. (explain that Dr. Watney is the character played by Matt Damon in The Martian that benefits from Chinese rocket technology and that The Great Wall is an upcoming movie starring Matt Damon about The Great Wall of China) Like Shanghai, Beijing has a huge population and variable air quality that could limit any outdoor running or workouts. Fortunately, we will leave the city proper and visit The Great Wall of China. I’m expecting to be inspired to write and have more photos than my phone can hold. There should be a goldmine of blogging material coming your way.

As usual I have an original joke. I’ve been told to stop calling them ‘jokes’ but instead call them ‘brain-irritants’. This travel joke is for nurses or requires a knowledge of nursing (e.g. being a patient in the hospital). If you don’t get it, share it with a nurse friend or family member. If they don’t get it, don’t worry about it. It’s stupid. Enjoy.

I was at the airport waiting in the line up to check in. The woman in front of me said to her partner with a slur, “I’m so tired. It was a tough shift last night.” I thought maybe she could be a nurse but I wasn’t sure. Then she got to the airline counter:

 She asked the airline representative, “How’s your plane?”

 The representative replied, “umm….good.”

“No no no! How’s your plane on a scale of 0 to 10?… with zero being there’s no plane and ten being the worst plane you’ve ever had.”

 She was a nurse.

Blog Post #4 is finally here for your amusement. Please resist the urge to skip to the bottom of the page to check out the ending joke(s) which have become a long-time tradition of my blog (a 4 month long-time tradition). Coming up with original jokes is not easy. I have moments of hilarity when chatting with friends but it seldom translates to written jokes. Many of those jokes are also way too inappropriate for the blog of a Registered Nurse and socially conscious amateur writer. That is why the jokes posted here tend to be cheesy, childish, corny and/or stupid. I wouldn’t even read them if I were you.

I’m excited to write about two of my absolute passions; travel and health. One of the reasons I haven’t posted for some time is that I haven’t been home much. My wife and I recently took a road trip to Seattle to watch a couple of baseball games. We then headed to her home town of Kamloops to visit with friends and family. There was a time when we would treat these road trips as vacations. “Bye bye nutritious healthy diet” and “I’ll exercise when I get back home” was our general attitude. When I was in nursing school, that mindset worked fine. We’d eat well and exercise regularly when we were at home and in our routine. Then we’d get the opportunity to take a road trip or hop on a plane and we could leave the routine behind with little effect (we were also much younger). The problem came after nursing school when road trips and travel opportunities became more frequent. We’d spend four to seven days on the road eating badly and ignoring exercise. We’d return home sluggish, bloated, and tired with little energy. Then it was time to return to work….feeling worse than before our time off. We needed a vacation from our vacation.

The Change

Tired of this yo-yo cycle, I made a conscious decision to pursue fitness and nutrition on my travels. It didn’t mean following a detailed regiment or skipping good food and drink. It just meant getting in my exercise and finding moderation in my diet. The ultimate goal was feeling good and having energy, making my travel time that much more enjoyable. As any change requires, it started with a mindset.

The start and stop fitness strategy that has plagued me and many others is far from the best recipe for success. Consistency is the most important aspect of achieving fitness and weight loss goals. Exercise needs to be a must-do priority in order to maintain consistency. This is the mindset I knew I would need to exercise while travelling and that it would not be an easy change.

As the saying goes, “If you’re unsuccessful in making a detailed guide to achieve, then make a detailed guide to achieve non-success” or as it’s sometimes said, “Fail to plan. Plan to fail.” Now every time I travel, I have designated times for getting my workouts in. If I’m travelling to a new place, I’ve done an on-line search of running paths, parks, and gyms. If I’m booking a hotel room on-line, I’ve looked at the fitness facilities.

Last fall, my wife and I made our way to New York City. It was an amazing trip and the start of our new “healthy on the road” mentality. Earlier in the year, we had travelled to Mexico where we drank in the late morning, napped in the afternoon, and ate low protein meals throughout the day. While we walked a lot, we never ran, never picked up anything heavier than a beer, and never broke a sweat. Not even a cheap outdoor yoga class up in the hills got us doing anything fitly (It’s a word-ish). In New York, we had a plan. We had already learned the importance of protein and had a general knowledge of calories which made food choices much easier and healthier. Again, it was about balance and moderation, not discipline and deprivation. It’s New York City! You gotta eat your way through it. We also had activity goals….walk The High Line, explore Central Park, run at The Jackie Kennedy Onasis Resevoir. Burn calories. Eat well. Feel good.

It wasn’t the perfect healthy trip but it was the start of change. A healthier mindset and vision for what our travels should look like has led to more enjoyable trips and encouragement to travel more. Soon, we’ll be leaving on a three week adventure to China. The planning has gone on for months. It’s not vacationing. It’s travelling. Our hotels have been assessed for gyms while nearby parks with outdoor fitness equipment and running paths have been mapped out. That being said, the diet will be a challenge. I’m going to try the latest North American fad diet….eating Chinese food for three weeks straight! That is probably funnier than these original jokes about travel. Enjoy.

 

Why did the octopus cross the road?

To get back to the ocean….because that’s where it lives.

Why did the crab cross the road?

To get back to the ocean….because that’s where it lives.

Why did the clam cross the road?

It didn’t. Couldn’t move…. eaten by birds.

 

For the music fans out there:

Why did the Aerosmith fan skip ‘Monkey on My Back’ and ‘Janie’s Got a Gun’?

To get to “The Other Side”

 

Blog Post #3 is here. I’m relying on my resilience to get past procrastination as I transition to regular blog posting! (Read the previous two posts to understand the reference). I’ve had a lot of great feedback from people saying they enjoy my writing and look forward to my blog posts. I’m thankful for that and am really enjoying this casual approach to regular writing. August was a busy month visiting friends and family all while keeping up with my workout program. A lot of people asked me about my workouts and what I’ve been doing to lose weight and improve my fitness. When I say “a lot of people”, I mean two…two people. So with that, I thought I’d share what I’ve been doing and what’s been working for me. I’m currently down 15 lbs (7kg) since January which is not an easy feat considering my love of craft beer and cheeseburgers (another post for another time).

For exercise, I challenged myself to workout consistently for a period of time. I work out in the gym twice a week for 20-40 minutes each session. Hey, that’s not enough!! I thought that but realized that working out an hour or more four to five times a week for a couple months and then not going to the gym for six months wasn’t working. I’ve been able to stick with this routine (and it’s always the same two routines) for over eight months now. It’s two sets of basic upper body exercises (push ups, pull ups, dips, dumbbell curls, shoulder presses etc.). It goes by quick, never seems daunting, and is now habit.

Strength training has never been my favourite form of exercise but the benefits are unquestionable. Muscle and bone strength, increased metabolism, and stress relief are just a few of the many benefits of strength/resistance training. Someone recently said to me, “Well, strength training is not for everybody.” That’s true but it is for every person who is capable of doing it! The benefits of strength training are pretty clear and all the science behind it is as sound as the theory of gravity, human flight, and light sabres.

I wish I could tell you that two strength sessions a week was all I’ve been doing. Time for that can be found. However, there’s more. Two people I have never met guide two more workout sessions which again are short and sweet. I do one cardio session focused on leg strength and a 40 to 50 minute yoga session every week. Dr. Izumi Tabata, a Japanese professor, created a high intensity interval workout now called Tabata training. What makes this workout so great is that it can be done anywhere and takes only four minutes! It consists of working as hard as you can at any given exercise for 20 seconds followed by 10 seconds rest repeated 8 times. Repeat: That’s a four minute workout!….and it can be gruelling if you put the effort in. I push it a bit more and do two rounds of four minutes with a mix of jumping jacks, seal jacks, jogging on the spot, squat jumps, jumping lunges, double knee hops etc. During my rest between rounds, I do some basic body weight leg exercises like squats and lunges. My full leg workout is done in 15 minutes…and it burns! For yoga, I used to attend large hot yoga classes once a week. Now, I am taught by my friend and certified Iyengar Yoga instructor, Brandon. He comes over to my place once a week to both teach and practice yoga in a more personal environment where I receive expert one on one instruction and encouragement. Iyengar Yoga involves detail, precision, and alignment often making use of props (chairs, mats, blocks, straps, kitchen sinks etc.) to assist with proper form. It was created by Bellur Krishnamacher Sundaraja Iyengar. You begin your practice by saying his name quickly three times stretching the tongue to its furthest limits. B.K.S. Iyengar was born in India and died at age 95 in 2014 leaving his legacy as “the father of modern yoga”. Iyengar Yoga has been great for me, a relative novice looking to maintain and improve my posture and flexibility.

So that’s what’s working for me. I can’t stress enough how important it is to do something you’re going to do consistently….even if you don’t exactly enjoy all of it. If it feels daunting, requires a huge amount of discipline, or motivation constantly wavers, I would advise changing it up, making it shorter, or find something that you enjoy more. FYI… I hate doing my leg workout but I have 15 minutes, I like the results I see, and how I feel.

With the more informative and serious tone of this post, I’m pleased to say that I have come up with an original joke….not easy, nor good. It’s cheesy enough that I expect that someone has already come up with it. However, I couldn’t find it on Google and it’s not like my jokes are going to be worth any money. Enjoy.

What made you decide to start doing yoga?

One day I just realized that I needed to improve my posture and I’m not getting any Iyengar.

 

Here it is! My second blog post. Prior to starting this blog and beginning to get into writing, I researched a lot of websites that explained how to become a writer. Many sites stated “START A BLOG” …so that’s what I’ve done. Several sites told me to blog every day. Blog every day? Who has time for that? That’s like a nurse showering all their six bed bound patients on a busy night shift….no nurse has time for that. Blog every day? I don’t think the internet horde is going to like that. My wife loves me and even she doesn’t want to hear from me every day. Once a month-ish seems more fitting.

It’s been a busy last couple of weeks. I had a story (my first) published by the website, The Mighty Nurse. Go to Published Work on the Menu and it’ll take you to my story. The punctuation was there when I sent it to them but somehow got lost in the posting. I’m still pleased with how it turned out and the responses it has gotten.

As exciting as my first published article was, it has also been a difficult time. My wife and I had to put down our cat, Misha May, whom had been with us for ten years. She was 11. I thought I would be ready. As a hospice nurse, I’ve seen the death of people and the immediate grief that follows from those left behind. Many years ago my very close friend died suddenly at age 31. I cried so much that day that my eyes remained blood shot for a week. How could I not be ready for the death of my cat? Pets simply don’t live as long as humans so we should all be prepared. I was not.

Misha May had been such a big part of our lives, our everyday lives, for such a long time. I should have known it would affect me significantly. After her death and the grief and pain that followed, I got to thinking about transitions. This is unquestionably a transition for my wife and I. She fed the cat every day. Misha was very vocal so we talked to her every day. Vet visits, brushings, litter box cleaning, hanging out together on the couch….she was so much more of our lives than I ever realized.

Transitions are often not all that easy…especially when forced upon us. In nursing school we covered transitions and with that looked at the concept of resilience. Resilience, our ability to cope and adapt, is a huge indicator of how our transition will go. When Misha initially died, I searched the internet to better understand the condition she had. However I soon realized that this was mal-adaptive and did not really serve a purpose. I needed to find a way to cope and transition.

I knew that living in the past and replaying “what-ifs” in my mind was not productive. I then chose to research and read stories of other people losing their pets. I found comfort in their words. I felt connected and not alone in my grief. From that I started to celebrate the amazing ten years we had with our beloved Misha. Looking at her life as whole allowed me to discover that it was worth every moment and that the sad end was such a short snippet of all she gave us and the time we had.

Change and transition is going to happen whether we’re ready or not…and even if we do nothing. “I change by not changing at all” – Eddie Vedder. With each experience like this that I have, I feel that my tool box of coping has another tool. My resiliency increases with each tool I gain and with each experience I can reference back to for healthy coping when change comes.

During this difficult past couple of weeks, I was unable to create an original joke to end this blog post. Instead, I’ve decided to steal a joke from my 6 year old nephew with my own tweak. Enjoy

Why did the banana call for the nurse?

Because it wasn’t peeling well.

 

First of all, thank you for visiting my website and reading what you’ve read so far. Today is the day. I’ve stopped the procrastination and am starting my writing career….well, sort of. It’s my blog which will hopefully lead to a career, albeit an amateur one…but you never know. My blog is about     fill this in later

So, as you can see, this is one of those blogs you just have to keep coming back to. If Jerry Seinfeld can hit it big writing and starring in a show about nothing, then this blog which will cover amazing topics like fill this in later will surely be a worthwhile endeavour that keeps people coming back for more.

In all seriousness, I must thank Tim Urban for inspiring me to write this post. It’s been a long time in the works….in my brain. I recently watched Tim’s TED Talk on YouTube when I was surely intending to do something else, something productive, life-altering, world-changing, or whatever. Instead ‘The Instant Gratification Monkey’ took over and I ended up watching one of the most amazing TED Talks I had ever seen. Tim speaks about procrastination, how it works, and the negative effect it has on people. I’m a former nursing student (now nurse). I thought I knew about procrastination. Tim speaks to deadlines playing a key role in overcoming aspects of procrastination but what if there are no deadlines? I have no deadline for writing this first post….or do I? As an experienced hospice nurse, I can confidently tell anyone putting things off…things they want to do….that there is a deadline! Check out Tim Urban’s blog at http://www.waitbutwhy.com and/or watch his TED Talk here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arj7oStGLkU

Back to my blog and what I’d like it to be…. Well, I’m a Registered Nurse with 5 years experience having worked in way too many areas. I’d like to think I have something to say about health. There’s way more to it than a “healthy diet” and “regular exercise”. Health encompasses so much more. Would I blow your mind if I said smoking cigarettes could be considered “healthy”? Before you send the hate-mail, know that I’m a non-smoker who does not believe anyone should smoke cigarettes. I’m just making the point that there are health benefits to smoking cigarettes such as stress management, reduced cravings, and temporary relaxation. There are even social benefits as smokers congregate together on work breaks and converse about the latest changes to the smoking laws. That being said, the negative health effects of smoking far outweigh the health benefits I just mentioned. Risk of cancer, COPD, and emphysema along with the stale smell, the hacking cough, the addictive component, and the financial hit make cigarette smoking an unhealthy habit that everyone should avoid.

My goal here is to write about lifestyle, mindset, health (including diet and exercise), and daily habits that lead to better, more productive, and happier lives. I’ll talk about what works for me. I’d also like to pass on a bit of what works for others I meet. My overall philosophy is that, unless you’re an Olympic athlete training hours a day or a Bodybuilding contestant needing to weigh all food before you consume it, we all need to find moderation in our lives. Too much of even good things can often leads to burn-out, resentment, and failure to adhere to our own principles and compromises our self-belief.

A big part of this blog will be a touch of humour. Life is both fun and funny. Laughter has been said to be the best pharmaceutical intervention that a physician can prescribe once a nurse has made them aware of an issue. So I will end this post with an original joke I wrote which was rejected by Reader’s Digest earlier this year. Enjoy.

In early December 2015, I was at a bachelor party where I asked the best man, “Why’s the groom getting married the day after the new Star Wars movie comes out? He should get married on the release date. Then he’ll always be able to say that he got married the day The Force Awakened!”

The best man said, “But what if it’s terrible??!!”

“Yeah I guess….and what if the movie isn’t very good either?”