Happy December. The world’s best blog is back with post #118. If you’re looking for real human content, this is your ultimate source for the ludicrous, the non-sensical, the imperfect of a living breathing human. Is this the last place of refuge? I don’t know… but PACHOW! Put skiis on your undersized pet turtle and let’s get going.

November

What in the world happened to November? My apologies to all loyal readers that November did not see a blog post. There were extenuating circumstances. After my laptop screen went wonky and needed replacing, my Facebook and Instagram accounts were hacked and disabled. Meta zucks. Please note that I have new Facebook and Instagram accounts.  

December

Let us not focus on the past but instead concentrate on the right now. I found this rose on a sunny day in December. This flower scoffs at the notion of global warming.

Booking It

I am very excited to share that my books, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside and Jonah Chooses Amazing are selling quite well for November and December. I guess people really are looking for high quality human produced, literary content as Xmas presents.

Why are you always on about AI?

I’m not worried about the current AI which writes stories, plays chess, and teaches languages. I’m worried about the AI created by AI which then makes a better AI which goes on to make a better AI which then makes a better AI until it’s so much smarter than humans that it realizes it doesn’t need or want humans. Agent Smith and Sarah Connor knew.

 Travel

My wife and I are working on plans to go to Mexico next year. Although we’re seeing plenty of sun here, it’s still quite cold. A little warm Vitamin D will be a nice change.

Sign Me Up

North Koreans are getting out there and travelling as well. These tourists (soldiers) had never left North Korea in their lives. Unfortunately, they have travelled to southwestern Russia with Ukrainian soldiers shooting and bombing them. Most of the North Koreans said it was still better than being at home.

News

In more important news, George RR Martin is looking to create a series spinoff about Bravos. It is expected to be an amazing, unpredictable slow burn that builds complex characters and exciting new worlds… that will be left unfinished leaving executives to provide a speedy unsatisfactory ending. So far, networks have inexplicably declined.

Words of Wisdom

1. Home is where the heart is.

I recently watched a show where a couple bought a new home and were very excited. “My new house is great even though it is at the top of our budget. It has a large open area with beautiful details, eye catching finishes, and plenty of natural light. It’s also quite large with loads of storage. This is the perfect home to sit comfortably… and spend all day scrolling on my phone.”

2. Be polite.

Overheard in a store: “Excuse me. Could you please hold my backpack while I’m shoplifting?”

3. Religion is difficult to understand.

Seen on X (formerly known as Twitter): “Thankful that the Lord woke me up today.”

Ummm, wouldn’t it be better to wake up in Heaven?

In Closing

Thank you for reading this edgy non-A.I. post. Hopefully, there will be monthly blog posts going forward. Stay with me. It’s now time for the ending joke. Enjoy!

I end all my blog posts with a joke or two. Here’s a joke:

Facebook

The summer may be coming to an end here in western Canada but It’s Blog Post #115 so no need to fret, fear, or suffer from extreme sadness. It’s all good. This month’s blog post is a little different. It’s a visual display from our trip to Holland, Norway, and even Sweden over three amazing weeks. It would be impossible to highlight the entire trip or give all the details of all the incredible things we saw and did along with all the great people we met. Instead, this will be an odd photo collection with abstract and absurd commentary. Would you expect anything less?

Amsterdam

Although we never saw a dam (Amsterdam is named for a 13^th century dam on the Amstel River), we did see canals… and more canals, and even more canals.

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Some of the canals were very dirty, especially in the Red Light District.

Sweden

In northern Norway, we took a hike up a mountain area called, “The Copper Top.”

We had fantastic views of the majestic Norwegian mountains. If you look way off in the distance, you can see the ordinary mountains of Sweden. If you look even closer, you can see their white flags.

We took a one day trip to Stromstad Sweden. My wife really wanted to go but I told her I couldn’t stand it for more than a day. Sweden also has canals, much cleaner and safer canals where less junk had been put in them.

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Norway

It’s one of the richest countries in the world; progressive and modern.

They take canals to another level. Clean, sleek and inviting for a boatload of boats.

Words of Wisdom

1. Batman is better than Superman. That debate was settled on this street in Amsterdam.

2. Do your research before going for a swim. I was going to swim across this beautiful stretch of ocean called Saltstraumen. Turns out that it is one of the strongest tidal currents in the world. I would not have made it.

Thanks for reading and looking at this month’s blog. Next month will see a return to the usual blogging greatness with all the joy and laughter that this blog has had but with less photos. For now, I leave you with the ending joke and a fundamental philosophical question. Enjoy.

We were going to take a harbor cruise when we were in Oslo but we couldn’t decide which boat we wanted to take;

“Tidevind” or “Fjordfart”.

Which one would you take?

Another month, another blog post to tickle the amygdala, tease the cerebellum, and make you question everything you ever believed was real… or just a post about my upcoming trip to Norway. We’ll see where it goes. Thank you to everyone who read and provided feedback on Blog Post #113. It was no 114 but it was still good… like they all are.

Summertime

Here in Vancouver, it hasn’t been all that hot. There’s been rain, and wind, and cold. I’m sure the weather will improve the moment my wife and I get on a plane and travel to Europe, so be patient.

One of our big plans for this trip is to head north in Norway… not all the way north (although I’d love to one day) but more north than I’ve ever been. We’ll be travelling to Bodø in early August with a plan to catch the midnight sun. I’m pretty sure it’s the same sun we see here but just visible at a later time, but who knows? That’s why we travel. To learn new stuff about things. I’ll let you know what I find out about this “midnight” sun and its relation to the sun we all know.

Amsterdamn It

First, we’ll stop in Amsterdam. I’ve never been but I’ve heard so much about it. Pancakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Heinekens in the Red Light District where you’re encouraged to film and take photos. Windmills and canals, lots and lots of canals. Did I miss anything? I can’t wait to get there.

Here’s a photo I took near my home in downtown Vancouver. I thought about asking for a ride. The price of plane tickets has skyrocketed since I last travelled (2019). How can anyone afjord to travel to Norway?

Words of Wisdom

1. Travel while you can, when you can, as much as you can. You’ll grow, experience, learn, and see things beyond your expectations. It is the life!

2. Don’t go to Sweden. There’s nothing to see there. The best thing about Sweden is they make good hockey players. You can see that in Vancouver.

I’m just joking of course… their hockey players aren’t that good.

If you’re concerned that I may have offended some Swedish people, don’t worry. They won’t get it.

3. BTW “Dritt” means “crap” in Norwegian.

Well, that’s it for the preview of my first real bit of travel since Japan in 2019. It’s been a long wait. Considering that in 2022 I didn’t believe I would be able to travel anywhere ever again, it’s exciting to be embarking on this amazing three week journey to one of the most beautiful countries in the world. I look forward to sharing photos, stories, and insights from Holland and Norway over the next couple of blog posts. Thanks for reading. It’s time for the ending jokes that Swedes won’t get. Enjoy.

“I’m going to Norway!”

“Do you speak the language?”

“I speak it like a Norwegian… that was born in Canada… to parents who only spoke English at home, and then I picked some up from going to Norway as an adult… so No, I don’t.”

_________________________________________________________________________________________

“Where in Europe are you going?”

“Norway!”

“Are you also going to Sweden?”

“No way!“

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I would like to apologize for my jokes about Sweden and the Swedish people. My wife is part Swedish and although it’s my duty to remind her regularly of her inferior heritage, it comes at a cost. I sometimes feel so much guilt… that I can’t come up with more hilarious jokes, digs, and put downs to really drive home the superiority of Norwegians. Heia Norge!

How June doing? What June doing? Happy Father’s Day. It’s Blog Post #113. If that wasn’t enough to get excited about, I’m sharing a big personal announcement.

To the Road

My wife and I are travelling again. Having not truly travelled since 2019, we are excited to be heading to Holland for a couple days before going to Norway for three weeks.

To Health and Back

My health continues to improve and hence, travel is back on. I’m feeling more and more like myself with each week and month that passes. It’s quite exciting. Unfortunately, the last 5 plus years of health problems have left me weak, overweight, fatigued (although not near as much as when I was at my sickest), and feeling much older than I am (I turn 50 this year).

Now, I’m back working out and running albeit light and easy. My energy is coming back. I’m excited to wake up in the morning again. It’s amazing.

Pick Up the Pace

I’ve felt like a snail… a dead snail, a snail without a shell, a snail in a French restaurant. Now, I’m feeling alive… like a live snail… with a shell, putting itself out there into the world, prepared to travel, and take on whatever life throws its way. There was no final snail in the coffin. Snailed it.

By the Skin of Your Teeth

With over three weeks of travel planned, I thought I should get to the dentist to make sure everything is good. Is there anything quite like travelling to a foreign country and having dental problems once you get there? Then you have to go to a sporting goods store, buy a hockey skate, make friends with a volleyball… I’d like to avoid all that.

My dentist recommended a root canal.

I said, “No way. Let’s find another route.”

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t be afraid to find another way.

With discount airlines, checked bags and even carry on bags are so expensive that you’re better off travelling with no luggage. It’s cheaper to arrive at your destination, buy all the clothes and toiletries you’ll need and then donate to the local charity before you leave. Snailed it!

2. Be helpful when the opportunity presents.

Three kids were throwing around an American football. When one of them missed a catch, the ball went down a hill and into the ocean. The tide began to take it away. At the same time, a man was on the shore was getting into a kayak. The kids all ran over and asked him to get the ball which had continued to move further and further away from the shore. The man in kayak paddled and paddled and paddled until he reached the ball. He then took the ball, put in his kayak, and began paddling… further out. He yelled back at the kids, “See you at the Superbowl, bitches!”

3. Go to the dentist before you go on any extended trip to a foreign country.

Thanks for reading this month’s blog. More details of our trip are coming next month. Stay tuned. It’s now time for the ending joke. It’s been more and more difficult to come up with original ending jokes. Here’s why. Enjoy.

My wife wanted to get a new bed. The old one was sagging and creaky. It needed to be replaced. I was very sad.

I told her, “I’ve done some of my best work in this bed….

sleeping, and coming up with blog jokes.”

It’s Blog Post # 112. May it find you well. It’s been a nice transition to sunny days and comfortable temperatures here in western Canada.

Vancouver, May 2024

Age is Just a Numb

I find myself dealing with transitions. My job is changing, my work scheduling is changing, my health is changing (for the better), all while getting older. I’m preparing for the upcoming move from 49 to 50. The number doesn’t bother me. I feel privileged to still be here. If my health continues to improve, I care even less about the number. How quickly it seems that I went from 30 to 50. It is said that from 50 to 70 will go even quicker. However, I’ve decided to slow down, appreciate the moment, and stop to smell the flour. That should slow things down.  

Summer’s Coming

I’ve secured a large chunk of time free from work for the summer. Now, my wife and I are trying to figure out if we’re doing a local nearby road trip to Alberta or flying to northwestern Europe (Holland and Norway). I’m hopeful for the latter (no offense to Alberta and the many great people we know there). My wife and I haven’t really travelled since late 2019 and a trip to Europe would be amazing. Think of the blog photos that could be coming your way.

Jonah Chooses Amazing Update

Sales of my novel continue but have slowed. It never picked up the steam of my first book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside, which is still selling copies. I’ve been continuing to plug away at the JCA screenplay but that is a work in progress that will take time.

Words of Wisdom

1. Give every May everything you have. Then, replace May with day and do that.

2. Stop staring at your phone. It’s destroying your posture, your eyesight, and your ability to recognize danger… or even a pole, or a pothole, or that wall you’re about to walk into.

3. Encuentra un pasatiempo que ames.

Thanks for reading this month’s blog. It’s been more of a struggle to get these out over the past few months. It might be time for a formula change or a rethink of the entire blog. Am I getting bored of being this funny and so spectacularly clever? Maybe. Is it no longer a challenge to show off my literary and literal chops? Could be. Stay tuned for the evolution of this groundbreaking blog. It’s time for the ending ‘joke’ or commentary or anecdote, or chop of life brought to life. Enjoy.

An airline passenger was found to be sleeping in the overhead baggage compartment. He turned out to be from the future where people fly in sleeping pods. He was then charged for being an excessively large carry on bag. This cost was more than a first class ticket.

I think my wife and I are going on a road trip to Alberta.

Hello. Welcome to Write or Wroy, the world’s number one blog. It’s blog post one one one…zero one zero one one zero.

Oops, sorry about that. Chat GPT took over and wrote those first few sentences. Again, AI just can’t write like I write. Going forward, the rest of this blog will be written by Chat RGM.

It’s blog post #111 and spring is in the air. April has brought some sunshine to the west coast of Canada and we’re enjoying the change of season. Unfortunately, there so much construction, street maintenance, and building repairs, I long for the cooler rainier weather. Progress and maintenance; gross!

Screenplay

After a short pause, I’m back working on the screenplay for Jonah Chooses Amazing. It’s been inspiring to see a jump in book sales in the month of April which has added to my resolve and determination to get this done.

Just in Time

While working on the screenplay, I nearly forgot to write April’s blog post. If it seems a little rushed or reeks of AI, that’s the reason. I’ve also been distracted by Canucks playoff hockey. Go Canucks!

Here’s a random photo I took of Vancouver with little thought about theme, the blog, or what I wanted to say about it.

Sometimes, you just gotta hang in there and get it done… like the Canucks. Go Canucks!

From the Depths of Health

I’ve had dramatic improvement to my health over the past three months. It’s nice to have energy again. I’m hopeful that this will mean travel, adventures, fitness (which has been lost), and progress on my various writing projects. It really is true that health comes first.

Words of Wisdom

1. Drive carefully. It’s not your personal racetrack out there. Have you seen how many crazy terrible drivers there are?

Here, they’ve recently banned self driving cars. What about banning humans from driving cars? That would be a real step towards safety.

2. Be humble. Be helpful.

My boss was walking around the office preparing for our team to move desks to a different area of the office. She said that the desks were supposed to be numbered but there weren’t any numbers on them.

I pointed to my desk and said, “Well, we know that’s number one!”

Thanks for reading this month’s blog that just barely got out in time… and you’re likely reading it in May. Be grateful. It’s here and it continues to be amazing. Choose amazing! It’s time to end on a joke. Enjoy!

A father was annoyed that his young son always wanted to play pretend tea party; with plastic yellow tea cups, flowery table cloths, and a pink patterned kettle with endless fake tea. The father decided to buy his son a Buzz Lightyear in hopes that his son would like it better than fake tea parties.

The son loved Buzz Lightyear. Now it’s, “To infinite tea!! …And beyond!”

March!! It’s Blog Post 110 and the command has been given.

March 2024 Vancouver

Thank you for your continuous unwavering support in making this blog the ultimate source for news and information.

The Month in Review

Jonah Chooses Amazing continues to move up the NY Times Best Seller and although it’s nowhere near the top, where it should be, it’s still exciting. Go JCA!

For a short time this month, life on earth for humans was much much better. Facebook was down. *When people ask me how old I am, I say, “Old enough to remember when Facebook was actually great.” Yes, I said great. I used to love Facebook. Now, it’s an awful program run by an apphole.

This has been a fun hockey season and we’re getting close to the playoffs. Recently, a man was arrested in Vancouver for receiving a San Jose Sharks jersey in the mail. I thought, “Good, he should be arrested for that.” Turns out he was arrested because transporting shark fins is illegal in Canada.

Baseball Season is getting ready to get start. Altuve and the Houston Astros are so excited that they’re buzzing. Go Mariners!

In Real Estate news, first time home buyers of homes under $835 000 Canadian can get a tax exemption. In other news, no one buying a first home with a regular job can afford an $835 000 home. The Lottery Number this week are 8, 10, 13, 18, 72, 74. Good luck on winning a downpayment on a home.

Words of Wisdom

1. Be careful with your timing when making jokes.

Does Iceland not know that they just need to throw The One Ring into the lava and all this craziness will end? #toosoon?

2. Aspects of your past should make you cringe. It’s a sign of growth.

I don’t know if all that is true but I keep having these dreams with He-Man petting me.

3. Don’t be afraid to explain things sometimes.

He-Man’s cat is named Cringer… when he’s not Battle Cat. #thepowerofgrayskull

Thank you for reading this month’s short but sweet blog. Longer, more in depth blog post are to come. I was recently asked to blog bout writing with one reader even asking that I teach a little writing. Asking me to teach a little writing is like asking Sheldon Cooper to teach a little physics… the results would be hilarious. Stay tuned.

It’s now time for the ending joke. This one is quite controversial but not as controversial as the joke I decided not to share involving the Quran. Enjoy.

Credit to the Son

Why do people always say, “God bless you” when someone sneezes? It doesn’t seem fair to the Savior.

That’s why I’ve started saying, “Sneezes Christ!!”