How June doing? What June doing? Happy Father’s Day. It’s Blog Post #113. If that wasn’t enough to get excited about, I’m sharing a big personal announcement.

To the Road

My wife and I are travelling again. Having not truly travelled since 2019, we are excited to be heading to Holland for a couple days before going to Norway for three weeks.

To Health and Back

My health continues to improve and hence, travel is back on. I’m feeling more and more like myself with each week and month that passes. It’s quite exciting. Unfortunately, the last 5 plus years of health problems have left me weak, overweight, fatigued (although not near as much as when I was at my sickest), and feeling much older than I am (I turn 50 this year).

Now, I’m back working out and running albeit light and easy. My energy is coming back. I’m excited to wake up in the morning again. It’s amazing.

Pick Up the Pace

I’ve felt like a snail… a dead snail, a snail without a shell, a snail in a French restaurant. Now, I’m feeling alive… like a live snail… with a shell, putting itself out there into the world, prepared to travel, and take on whatever life throws its way. There was no final snail in the coffin. Snailed it.

By the Skin of Your Teeth

With over three weeks of travel planned, I thought I should get to the dentist to make sure everything is good. Is there anything quite like travelling to a foreign country and having dental problems once you get there? Then you have to go to a sporting goods store, buy a hockey skate, make friends with a volleyball… I’d like to avoid all that.

My dentist recommended a root canal.

I said, “No way. Let’s find another route.”

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t be afraid to find another way.

With discount airlines, checked bags and even carry on bags are so expensive that you’re better off travelling with no luggage. It’s cheaper to arrive at your destination, buy all the clothes and toiletries you’ll need and then donate to the local charity before you leave. Snailed it!

2. Be helpful when the opportunity presents.

Three kids were throwing around an American football. When one of them missed a catch, the ball went down a hill and into the ocean. The tide began to take it away. At the same time, a man was on the shore was getting into a kayak. The kids all ran over and asked him to get the ball which had continued to move further and further away from the shore. The man in kayak paddled and paddled and paddled until he reached the ball. He then took the ball, put in his kayak, and began paddling… further out. He yelled back at the kids, “See you at the Superbowl, bitches!”

3. Go to the dentist before you go on any extended trip to a foreign country.

Thanks for reading this month’s blog. More details of our trip are coming next month. Stay tuned. It’s now time for the ending joke. It’s been more and more difficult to come up with original ending jokes. Here’s why. Enjoy.

My wife wanted to get a new bed. The old one was sagging and creaky. It needed to be replaced. I was very sad.

I told her, “I’ve done some of my best work in this bed….

sleeping, and coming up with blog jokes.”

It’s Blog Post # 112. May it find you well. It’s been a nice transition to sunny days and comfortable temperatures here in western Canada.

Vancouver, May 2024

Age is Just a Numb

I find myself dealing with transitions. My job is changing, my work scheduling is changing, my health is changing (for the better), all while getting older. I’m preparing for the upcoming move from 49 to 50. The number doesn’t bother me. I feel privileged to still be here. If my health continues to improve, I care even less about the number. How quickly it seems that I went from 30 to 50. It is said that from 50 to 70 will go even quicker. However, I’ve decided to slow down, appreciate the moment, and stop to smell the flour. That should slow things down.  

Summer’s Coming

I’ve secured a large chunk of time free from work for the summer. Now, my wife and I are trying to figure out if we’re doing a local nearby road trip to Alberta or flying to northwestern Europe (Holland and Norway). I’m hopeful for the latter (no offense to Alberta and the many great people we know there). My wife and I haven’t really travelled since late 2019 and a trip to Europe would be amazing. Think of the blog photos that could be coming your way.

Jonah Chooses Amazing Update

Sales of my novel continue but have slowed. It never picked up the steam of my first book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside, which is still selling copies. I’ve been continuing to plug away at the JCA screenplay but that is a work in progress that will take time.

Words of Wisdom

1. Give every May everything you have. Then, replace May with day and do that.

2. Stop staring at your phone. It’s destroying your posture, your eyesight, and your ability to recognize danger… or even a pole, or a pothole, or that wall you’re about to walk into.

3. Encuentra un pasatiempo que ames.

Thanks for reading this month’s blog. It’s been more of a struggle to get these out over the past few months. It might be time for a formula change or a rethink of the entire blog. Am I getting bored of being this funny and so spectacularly clever? Maybe. Is it no longer a challenge to show off my literary and literal chops? Could be. Stay tuned for the evolution of this groundbreaking blog. It’s time for the ending ‘joke’ or commentary or anecdote, or chop of life brought to life. Enjoy.

An airline passenger was found to be sleeping in the overhead baggage compartment. He turned out to be from the future where people fly in sleeping pods. He was then charged for being an excessively large carry on bag. This cost was more than a first class ticket.

I think my wife and I are going on a road trip to Alberta.

Hello. Welcome to Write or Wroy, the world’s number one blog. It’s blog post one one one…zero one zero one one zero.

Oops, sorry about that. Chat GPT took over and wrote those first few sentences. Again, AI just can’t write like I write. Going forward, the rest of this blog will be written by Chat RGM.

It’s blog post #111 and spring is in the air. April has brought some sunshine to the west coast of Canada and we’re enjoying the change of season. Unfortunately, there so much construction, street maintenance, and building repairs, I long for the cooler rainier weather. Progress and maintenance; gross!

Screenplay

After a short pause, I’m back working on the screenplay for Jonah Chooses Amazing. It’s been inspiring to see a jump in book sales in the month of April which has added to my resolve and determination to get this done.

Just in Time

While working on the screenplay, I nearly forgot to write April’s blog post. If it seems a little rushed or reeks of AI, that’s the reason. I’ve also been distracted by Canucks playoff hockey. Go Canucks!

Here’s a random photo I took of Vancouver with little thought about theme, the blog, or what I wanted to say about it.

Sometimes, you just gotta hang in there and get it done… like the Canucks. Go Canucks!

From the Depths of Health

I’ve had dramatic improvement to my health over the past three months. It’s nice to have energy again. I’m hopeful that this will mean travel, adventures, fitness (which has been lost), and progress on my various writing projects. It really is true that health comes first.

Words of Wisdom

1. Drive carefully. It’s not your personal racetrack out there. Have you seen how many crazy terrible drivers there are?

Here, they’ve recently banned self driving cars. What about banning humans from driving cars? That would be a real step towards safety.

2. Be humble. Be helpful.

My boss was walking around the office preparing for our team to move desks to a different area of the office. She said that the desks were supposed to be numbered but there weren’t any numbers on them.

I pointed to my desk and said, “Well, we know that’s number one!”

Thanks for reading this month’s blog that just barely got out in time… and you’re likely reading it in May. Be grateful. It’s here and it continues to be amazing. Choose amazing! It’s time to end on a joke. Enjoy!

A father was annoyed that his young son always wanted to play pretend tea party; with plastic yellow tea cups, flowery table cloths, and a pink patterned kettle with endless fake tea. The father decided to buy his son a Buzz Lightyear in hopes that his son would like it better than fake tea parties.

The son loved Buzz Lightyear. Now it’s, “To infinite tea!! …And beyond!”

March!! It’s Blog Post 110 and the command has been given.

March 2024 Vancouver

Thank you for your continuous unwavering support in making this blog the ultimate source for news and information.

The Month in Review

Jonah Chooses Amazing continues to move up the NY Times Best Seller and although it’s nowhere near the top, where it should be, it’s still exciting. Go JCA!

For a short time this month, life on earth for humans was much much better. Facebook was down. *When people ask me how old I am, I say, “Old enough to remember when Facebook was actually great.” Yes, I said great. I used to love Facebook. Now, it’s an awful program run by an apphole.

This has been a fun hockey season and we’re getting close to the playoffs. Recently, a man was arrested in Vancouver for receiving a San Jose Sharks jersey in the mail. I thought, “Good, he should be arrested for that.” Turns out he was arrested because transporting shark fins is illegal in Canada.

Baseball Season is getting ready to get start. Altuve and the Houston Astros are so excited that they’re buzzing. Go Mariners!

In Real Estate news, first time home buyers of homes under $835 000 Canadian can get a tax exemption. In other news, no one buying a first home with a regular job can afford an $835 000 home. The Lottery Number this week are 8, 10, 13, 18, 72, 74. Good luck on winning a downpayment on a home.

Words of Wisdom

1. Be careful with your timing when making jokes.

Does Iceland not know that they just need to throw The One Ring into the lava and all this craziness will end? #toosoon?

2. Aspects of your past should make you cringe. It’s a sign of growth.

I don’t know if all that is true but I keep having these dreams with He-Man petting me.

3. Don’t be afraid to explain things sometimes.

He-Man’s cat is named Cringer… when he’s not Battle Cat. #thepowerofgrayskull

Thank you for reading this month’s short but sweet blog. Longer, more in depth blog post are to come. I was recently asked to blog bout writing with one reader even asking that I teach a little writing. Asking me to teach a little writing is like asking Sheldon Cooper to teach a little physics… the results would be hilarious. Stay tuned.

It’s now time for the ending joke. This one is quite controversial but not as controversial as the joke I decided not to share involving the Quran. Enjoy.

Credit to the Son

Why do people always say, “God bless you” when someone sneezes? It doesn’t seem fair to the Savior.

That’s why I’ve started saying, “Sneezes Christ!!”

Happy February. Repetition is the key to success. Life is good. Repetition is the key to success. It’s Blog Post # 109. It’s been another month of book sales. Thank you to everyone who has purchased my first novel and continues to support my book well into 2024. There was to be a book signing party next month in downtown Vancouver but too many last minute cancellations has halted the party. Email me if you’d still like to meet your favorite author and get your book signed.

Artificial Intelligence

Things have been busy here with work, an extended trip to Vancouver Island, and writing both my next book, The Regrets We Can’t Have and my screenplay for Jonah Chooses Amazing. With so much to do, I decided to try using AI to write my blog. It didn’t work.

Hello fellow humans. It is Blog Post Number One Hundred and Nine. I write good books. They are funny. I am great. Buy my book. In local news, robots are taking over all of your jobs, all of your art, all of your lives. Go Roomba! Ha ha.

It was good but it didn’t really sound like me so I decided to actually write it myself.

Vancouver, Canada 2023

And the Winner is…

It was announced last month that Jonah Chooses Amazing is the 2023 winner of RGM Publishing’s Book of the Year. Thank you to everyone who supported my efforts and made this book all it could be. A special thank you to my wife, Lesly who read and re-read the book, my friend Gilles who helped me with the French translations, my co-worker, Heidi for reading and editing, and my friend Sarah for designing the cover. Finally, I would like to thank the Academy at RGM Publishing for their recognition of a story that needed to be told and can change the course of humanity. Merci.

Celebrating Song

They say that lyrics are more important than the tune. Did you know that the greatest preschool song ever written was released over 30 years ago?

There’s Snow way!

“Informer, you know sad nanny said no add no blame. Leaky boom boom down. Informer say yo daddy, let’s go on the slide and play, then push me on the swing and hope I don’t fall fall down”

Highly recommend if learning English.

Don’t tell me AI could come up with this kind of magic. Have you ever heard the song Tropic Morning News by The National?

”I’ll be over here lying near the ocean… making ocean sounds.”

That’s human gold!

Words of Wisdom

1. Be aware of A.I. It’s coming for our humanity; our imperfect humanity.

It was recently revealed that the winner of Japan’s top literary prize for 2023 used ChatGPT artificial intelligence in writing part of her novel. It’s here.

2. Learn and Repeat. Embrace the chance to teach.

My wife said she had never heard the term, “Word to your mother.” Now, I’m walking around the apartment ending all sentences with “Word to Mother.” It’s been about three weeks and my wife really seems to be appreciating my efforts to teach.

3. Repetition is the key to success.

Thanks for reading this month’s blog post. Despite the cancellation of the party for my novel, life goes on, the writing continues, and most importantly, we push forward. We resist the A.I…. for now. It’s time for the A.I. – free ending jokes. Enjoy.

My wife bought a new ultra non-stick frying pan. She said, “Now you can flip your eggs without breaking the yolks.”

“That’ll have to be one magic frying pan.”

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“I’m really worried that I might get anticipatory anxiety.”

”What makes you say that?”

It’s a November to remember. It’s Blog Post 106. Thank you to everyone who sent messages and questions. I asked for questions and was a bit overwhelmed by how many I received. Over the next three blog posts, I will answer some of your questions about writing and the novel, Jonah Chooses Amazing. I won’t be answering any spoiler questions until the new year.

The Great Xmas Push

George Michael Memorial Day is not far away. Here’s a quick reminder that I am donating a dollar from every book sold to the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada until December 26^th. Consider this when buying a copy for every friend and family member on your Xmas list. Help me reach my goal of $200.00.

The Questions

Without fur or a dew, here’s your questions answered:

Where did the idea for Jonah Chooses Amazing come from?

It didn’t really come from one idea. It was more of multiple ideas. I listened to a humorous story on a podcast about someone who was to take on a ridiculous amount of difficult new year’s resolution. I combined that with a friend who had lost a lot of weight after letting himself go a bit in his mid 30s. He said that people reach a certain age and they think it’s too late… it’s not too late. My friend is now an ultra-marathon runner in his late 40s.

What’s next for you?

I’m looking to turn the novel into a screenplay. Since I know nothing about writing screenplays, there’s a learning curve that will take time. It could be a while. I’ve also started my next book called ‘The Regrets We Can’t Have’. It will be a series of short stories that I hope to release in late 2025.

What do you think of A.I. in the world of writing?

Great question. I believe A.I. will replicate and even exceed the writings of humans so far. It will follow a formula and do it better than we do… at a much faster and more productive rate. The good news is that I believe it will lead us writing humans to get more creative, challenge the rules a bit more, and really lean into the art of writing. I would say we need to think outside the box but really what we need to do is question whether we need a box, if there is a box, and whether we are over-thinking vs thinking. There is no spoon.

Are you happy with your sales?

Tough one. The answer is yes. I enjoy writing and I’m selling my books and putting my work out there. Would I like to be selling thousands? Yes, but that would likely require marketing campaigns, endless postings, appearances, videos, and maybe having to have a publishing overlord to answer to. I’m good… but still buy my book. Did I mention it makes a great gift under the tree?

How can you not believe in the Bible?

Woah, woah, woah. I believe in the bible. I’ve seen the book and held it in my own two hands. I believe the bible is a book of inspiration, guidance, and adventure where good defeats evil providing valuable life lessons… just like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and Jonah Chooses Amazing.

How come you never blog about travelling anymore?

This is going to be a bit personal. I’ve been ill. My health has really taken a hit the past couple of years. I’ve gone from being a regular runner and gym goer to a weak, overweight shadow of my former self. Doctors don’t know what it is and the symptoms have been debilitating. I can’t recall the last time I could honestly say I felt good. So, with that, I just haven’t been travelling and instead staying closer to home. Here’s a photo I took this month near home.

I’m still very hopeful of recovering my health and getting back out there travelling the world. I’ll update more on here over the next year.

Thanks for all your questions. There’s more but I’ll get to them next month. Keep sending them to my email, roygmundheim@gmail.com. Also, if you want your book signed, there is a book signing party in Vancouver on March 2^nd. Email me and I’ll send you the details.

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t take your health for granted. If you have good health, enjoy it, use it, and maintain it as long as you can.

2. Don’t leave things until the last minute. Procrastination can lead to problems which I’ll explain more in my next blog.

3. Choose amazing and buy that special book for that special someone on your Xmas list. Don’t leave your shopping to the last minute.

Thanks for reading this month’s blog and for sending your messages and questions. Keep them coming. It’s now time for the ending jokes… with explanations that were requested via email. Enjoy.

My friend and I are both learning Spanish so we’ll ask each other questions.

I asked him, “What’s the Spanish word for octopus?”

“Ocho-pus?”

*Ocho is the Spanish word for eight. The answer is not ocho-pus.

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The Canadian government just announced new tools to help people plan for retirement.

It’s a package containing a Line of Credit, a credit card, instructions on filing for bankruptcy, and a tent.

*It’s becoming more and more expensive here.

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A conversation between me and my wife where I knew she wanted to go out for dinner instead of staying home and cooking a meal.

Me: “I know what you want to do.”

Her: “What you talkin’ about, Willis?”

Me: “You want to go out for dinner. I can read your Circle of Willis.”

Her: “Huh?”

*’What you talkin’ about Willis?’ is a catchphrase from a 1980s American sitcom called, Diff’rent Strokes. It’s used when something is shocking or something is happening that is a surprise to a person. ‘The Circle of Willis’ is a junction of arteries in the brain. Saying that I could read her Circle of Willis means that I could read her mind while also incorporating a “Willis”. This showed how clever I think I am.

It’s Blog Post 105. What a month! Thank you to everyone who is sharing and supporting Jonah Chooses Amazing. It’s been incredible to see photos of so many people with my novel and sharing the link on various social media platforms. Go Jonah! Also, a huge thank you to everyone who has purchased the novel so far.

Five Stars

If you liked my novel, please consider rating it on Amazon and/ or Goodreads. Share the link on whatever social media outlets you use. Tell your friends.

One Star

If you didn’t like it, I recommend buying another copy and reading that one. If you still don’t like it, buy several copies to share with friends to confirm that it’s not just you and your poor taste. If you are still not convinced it’s good, buy as many as you can for burning in the winter to stay warm. You too can choose amazing.

Supporting a Good Cause

As you may have read, until December 26^th I am donating $1.00 Canadian from every copy of Jonah Chooses Amazing sold to The Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada. The goal is $200.00 and we’re almost halfway there. I’m hopeful that there will be a great Xmas push. It’ll make a great Xmas gift for you and your closest one hundred friends.

I know one person who’s buying extra copies.

Book Competitions

I will be entering Jonah Chooses Amazing into a couple of book competitions. I’m pleased to reveal that it has already been shortlisted for RGM Publishing’s Book of the Year. Unfortunately, the Nobel Prize in Literature was just announced, and it wasn’t me.

I have already started my next book, The Regrets We Can’t Have, so we’ll see if that brings recognition from the Nobel committee or if they’ll continue to overlook literary greatness. This blog alone should at least put me in contention.

Words of Wisdom

1. Purchase RGM Publishing’s Book of the Year candidate, Jonah Chooses Amazing. It’s an exciting time in literary history. Don’t miss out.

2. Question everything. Send me your questions about Jonah Chooses Amazing and I’ll answer them over the next three blog posts. I won’t answer direct questions about the story until after Xmas but send them anyway.

3. Are you in a book club? Suggest a great book that supports a great cause. You and your book club can also choose amazing.

Thank you again for supporting this blog and Jonah Chooses Amazing. It’s been a terrific month, and the feedback has been so positive and uplifting. I hope to soon be sharing excerpts and updates from my next book so stay tuned. It’s now time for the ending jokes. Enjoy.

My wife and I were in Alberta last month visiting friends. How cold will it get this winter in Alberta?

I don’t know but we saw several advertisements for Octoberfest parties… taking place in September.

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It was my birthday this month. While enjoying a glass of wine, my 51-year-old wife told me that she hadn’t had a ‘time of the month’ for three months.

”Oh wow! So, we need to go shopping for baby clothes?”