August brings the sun and Blog Post #102 brings the fun. Thanks for all the great feedback from Blog Post #101. Yes, the bookmark photo was pretty cool.

Get Ready for Literary Magic

My debut novel is finished! I anticipate Jonah Chooses Amazing to be available next month. I’ve been working on Amazon Kindle’s self publishing platform for the past few weeks and it’s going well. I haven’t wanted to throw my laptop out the window even one time. The book will be available in both digital and paperback forms. I was pleased to be able to send a preliminary version of the book to my Kindle Device.

Now, to read it and check for formatting and spacing issues. Watch out for flying Kindles!

What to Expect

Expect a bit weird. Sometimes, I ‘tell’ the story instead of ‘show’; a literary no-no. This novel is both rule breaking and ground breaking. I must also concede that it may not exactly be a literary masterpiece. I won’t be submitting for the Booker Prize, the Pulitzer Prize, or the Nobel Prize in Literature. However, Jonah Chooses Amazing will be eligible for RGM Publishing’s Book of the Year. Wish me luck.

Expect multiple blog posts next month. I am planning a ‘shock and awe’ campaign of posts (likely two) discussing the novel, it’s release, and how you can get your copy. Like baby turtles, krill, locusts, or human spermatozoa, it will be an overwhelming release of information to the masses.

Book Cover

Every book needs a cover. How else would you judge it? I am excited for how my book cover is turning out. To see something go from concept to fruition is very rewarding. It’s not yet complete but it’s close.

Book Cover by Sarah Cowan

The Finishing Touches

As I come to the end goal of writing a novel, I reflect on the last few years. I started the novel in 2020 and it will be available this year, almost four years later. Illness, loss, work, and procrastination all had to be overcome to reach this point. Then I think about the fact that A.I. could have written this novel in two days and I question whether I’ll ever write a novel again. Will writing novels even be a thing in the future? Will we download stories directly to our brain? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t use antibacterial soap. This was going to be in the novel but it didn’t make the cut so I thought I’d share it here.

”What’s all this?”

“It’s anti-bacterial soap, hand sanitizer, and antibacterial household cleaning spray. I don’t want to end up in the hospital again.”

”Yeah…I wouldn’t buy that, Jonah. It’s not healthy. We’re mostly bacteria. We’re more bacteria than we are human.”

2. Face the fear. Don’t be afraid to try and fail. Too many people don’t actually try. Get ready for Jonah Chooses Amazing; My Try. It has a chance to go down as one of the great stories of our time, like Sharknado, Howard the Duck, Captain Underpants, or Cats.

Thanks for reading this month’s blog and taking a glimpse into the release of my upcoming novel. It’s time for the ending joke and it comes directly from the novel. To prepare you, I’ve included the book’s warning, so read that first before proceeding. Enjoy.

Advisory: This novel contains coarse language, descriptions of violence, and sexual content.

Names, characters, places, events, and incidents in this book are fictitious and should not be interpreted as real or factual. Any similarities to real events or people are strictly coincidental. References to real people, cultural icons, and historical characters are made in fictitious conversations or in fictional citing of fictional written work.

… he continued, “I was walking down the road while on vacation in Mexico. There was a sign that said, Anai Suites, A-N-A-I suites. But the ‘I’ looked more like an ‘L’. Anal Suites. My friend said… I wouldn’t want to stay there. I replied, I wouldn’t stay the night but it would be ok for a few minutes.”

It’s on to century #2 with Blog Post 101. Thank you to everyone who emailed or commented their support and congratulations on reaching 100 blog posts. It’s an accomplishment that I’m proud of and didn’t really expect.

Novel In Progress

Jonah Chooses Amazing continues to steam forward. I’m hopeful for an end of September release. JCA Bookmarks have been completed and I’m just now starting to give them out to friends and family. If you would like a bookmark, please email me at roygmundheim@gmail.com with your writing address and I’ll send you one.

I’ve been sharing information and excerpts from my novel here over the last year. The goal has been to reveal enough without giving away too much. It’s been a delicate balance. I do provide a warning and disclaimer for Jonah Chooses Amazing that reads as follows:

Advisory: This novel contains coarse language, descriptions of violence, and sexual content.

Names, characters, places, events, and incidents in this book are fictitious and should not be interpreted as real or factual. Any similarities to real events or people are strictly coincidental.

References to real people, cultural icons, and historical characters are made in fictitious conversations or in fictional citing of fictional written work.

I also considered adding the following disclaimer but chose not to:

This novel breaks rules! If you are looking for elaborate descriptions of mountains, rivers, and rolling fields this is not the novel for you. Imagination is required. There’s no hand holding. You will need to follow the breadcrumbs and put the pieces together. There’s irony, sarcasm, and subtle humor that relies on the readers intelligence and open-mindedness. It is not laid out as you would expect. Paragraphs aren’t even indented correctly (on purpose) and the journey from internal thought to actual actions is fraught with danger and mystery. Proceed with Amazement.

Choose to Start

A lot of people say they want to write a book but that they don’t know where to start. My advice is to start writing with the intention of writing a book. Write one word, then another, then another. You start where you are with whatever knowledge you have.

In the story, Jonah becomes very focused on ‘actions’ and it’s a very good place to start. He realizes that thinking about doing things won’t get things done. It’s the same with writing a book. It’s not possible to ‘think it’ into existence… unless you’re a Jedi.

Words of Wisdom

1. Know that actions are important.

I recently read, “Replace ‘sorry’ with ‘thank you.’ Instead of saying ‘Sorry I’m late’, try ‘Thank you for waiting for me’. #changeyourmindset”

Or…orrr, orrr, instead, don’t be late. #changeyourbehaviour

2. Don’t be afraid to do things badly… especially when starting. Learning a language, writing a book, starting a blog, or whatever it is; Expect to suck.

Thanks for reading this month’s blog. I’m doing my best to get this great content out there despite spending most of my writing time and energy to prepare Jonah Chooses Amazing for release . It’s been a challenge but it’s getting there. Stay tuned for more amazing content and updates on my upcoming novel. It’s now time for the ending jokes. Enjoy.

“I passed the nursing exam and received my license. I’m now a Registered Nurse!”

“That’s great. I just bought Batman Volume 101 and joined the Batfan Club and mailing list. I’m now a Registered Nerd!”

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Retirement Planning

“I don’t see how you can retire. Your numbers don’t add up. I mean, you’re not even 50 years old.”

“But I’m learning Spanish.”

”Oh! Ok then.”

“Plus my self-published novel is coming out this year.”

Time waits for no one. It just goes and goes. It seems like just yesterday that I wrote Blog Post #1… with a dream. That was May 7^th 2016. Now, it’s Blog Post #100, an amazing milestone. Thank you to everyone who has read my contributions to human knowledge.

It has been one hundred scientifically accurate, ground-breakingly informative, progressively contributive recorded thoughts of world-changing, paradigm-shifting, view-altering significance. What a run!

Return to Health Update

As I’ve written here a few times, I have struggled (and continue to struggle) with my health over the last two plus years. It’s been a mystery to doctors and specialists. It’s been frustrating and gut wrenching. In April, I began significant improvements. I’m back doing a bit of running and have started very light workouts. The hope is that the mystery illness mysteriously disappears in the same way it appeared and stays away.

Novel Update

Jonah Chooses Amazing is barreling towards the finish line. Here is a photo of the bookmark that Sarah, the designer of the book’s cover, has been working on.

I’m hopeful to be giving out these bookmarks this summer in preparation for the Fall release of Jonah Chooses Amazing.

A preliminary survey of Jonah Chooses Amazing was completed last month. After the reading, it was rated and reviewed by the test audience. I’m pleased to say it was rated A… for Amazing. I also read a 5-star review for the book… right after I wrote it. The pre-release opinions are promising.

In the News

Other Books

Another popular book is in the news. A book called The Bible has been trending. Scientists say they have found a chapter hidden under a section of text for more than a thousand years. It’s at the beginning of the book and says, “Thou shalt not take this book seriously. These stories are fictional and meant only as a guide to teach you to be good to one another.” War broke out shortly after the text was discovered.

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t take your health for granted. It can change before you know it, when you least expect it.

2. From the Bottom of My Chart: Take supplements. I was taking a supplement to improve my memory… but I kept forgetting to take it.

3. Don’t give up just because of rejection.

Daft Punk were recently exiled from Mandalor. Did they give up? No. They recruited Starboy to help them with a plan to Get Lucky. This is the way.

Thank you again for all the support. I couldn’t have written one hundred blog posts without it. Actually, I could have… and would have. Thanks for all the support anyway. Hopefully, there’ll be a hundred more.

It’s now time for the FUN ending jokes. I’ve been focused on my novel so these were the best I had. They’ll get better… or worse, depending on your perspective. Enjoy.

Do you know the best thing about going to a Shania Twain concert?

It’s the prerogative to have a little fun… fun…fun.

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What do you call an Australian who helps troubled youth unlock the powers of meditation?

A Gang-guru.

“That’s the last joke of blog post one hundred? Lame:(”

“Yeah, that’s the end of blog post number fun hundred.”

“Better:)”

Blog Post #99 is the bonus blog you’ve been dreaming of and hoping for. As promised, here is the big reveal for my debut novel.

The Novel Announcement

I’ve been working on this novel since 2020. Health and life slowed its progress at times but now I’m seeing light at the end of the tunnel. It is finished. However, I’m currently going through the editors’ “suggestions”. They were ruthless and cruel but I’m staying on task.

One editor just sent it back unchanged with a message that said, “You should re-write chapters 1 through 28.”

”No.”

I expect to have it available to the public this fall.

Sew With Our Further a Dude, Here It Is:

Jonah Chooses Amazing

Following tragedy and his own health scare, a self-professed lazy couch potato embarks on a journey of self-improvement and personal betterment. Embracing the power of decisions and the need to take the actions required to improve his lot in life, Jonah Astin faces internal turmoil and external awkwardness while chasing his newfound goals. Weeding his way through gurus, coaches, teachers, friends, nurses, doctors, and his out-there Aunt Mel, he challenges himself to be the man his mom always wished for him to be. Is it possible to find some happiness and still become “amazing” along the way?

Jonah Chooses Amazing is a journey story that explores regret, loss, and hope. It asks questions about what’s possibly possible, how decisive decisions about deciding can be, and the power of will power’s power. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll ask, “Who is this guy?”

I’ve been working with my friend, Sarah on the book’s cover (She’s the editor of my first book, Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside, who is now a Graphic Designer). I’m really excited for how this is coming along. Here’s a rough sketch for idea and concept.

So get ready for the greatest novel I’ve ever written becoming available and taking the world by storm. Choose My Novel!!

Words of Wisdom

1. Invest for the future. Make smart financial decisions.

Stocks of RGM Publishing are set to rise with the announcement of the highly anticipated first novel of writer Roy G. Mundheim. Jonah Chooses Amazing is a wild rollercoaster of a ride about a guy who doesn’t do much and then does a whole bunch of stuff. It’s a page turner that you won’t be able to put down. Buy stocks of RGM Publishing and get this exciting growth company into your financial portfolio now. Choose Wealth.

2. Buy Jonah Chooses Amazing this fall. It makes a great Xmas gift. Choose Giving.

3. Nursing: From the Bottom of My Chart. Write what you know. It’s the advice that everyone seems to give. So with that, there is a big element of nursing in this novel. Jonah is a former Nursing student and his long time friend, Ryan is a Registered Nurse. Let the chaos ensue. Choose Nurse Writing.

Thanks for reading this bonus blog. Next month is Blog Post #100. That’s crazy to imagine. If you have questions about Jonah Chooses Amazing and how you can get your copy, email me at roygmundheim@gmail.com. It’s now time for the ending joke. Enjoy.

“Jonah Chooses Amazing? What’s it about?”

“It’s about a guy named Jonah… who chooses amazing.”

“Well… it could have been about a dog or a rabbit, smart guy.”

“That’s dumb. You’re stupid!”

Roy Didn’t Choose Amazing. Roy Chose to be a Jerk.

Good May, Mate. It’s Blog Post #98. Thanks for all the great feedback after last month’s blog and the release of the first episode of the Write or Wroy Podcast. Unfortunately, the second episode will not be available until next April 1st. Stay tuned though. It should be a great one.

The Novel Update

I finished it! Last month, my novel’s second edit was completed. It’s now in the hands of editors. Work on the book’s cover is also progressing as I near the home stretch. Stay tuned for a bonus blog post this month (#99) for a big reveal, including the title, the synopsis, and a sneak peak at some of the concepts being considered for the cover design.

Making the Cut

I will need to do my final draft after editors are finished dissecting and slashing the book’s contents. I had to cut the following excerpt from the book when I found this idea/ joke had already been thought of and used on social media. With almost 8 billion people on this planet, I guess it can’t be surprising that someone had already come up with this:

“ …the last one I went to there was a woman who spent 15 minutes convincing us that Marty McFly was a Mandalorian.”

“Weird… but sounds entertaining.”

”Actually, it was a bit but not until she got to the end. Marty was the original ‘Man-in-the-Delorean’. She should have opened with that.”

May Day

It’s one of my favorite months of the year; in the top twelve for sure. It’s the month where us Norwegians celebrate Independence Day (May 17^th), Mexicans celebrate Cinco de Mayo (May 5^th), and Nerds (like myself) celebrate Star Wars (May 4^th).

TV/ Movies In the News

How disappointing was Season 3 of the Mandalorian anyway? It was so bad that Disney are in consultation with Quentin Tarantino to take over for Season 4.

“I ain’t through with you by a damn sight. I’m gonna get Mandalorian on your ass.”

When asked when he would start working on the script for Season 4, Quentin replied. “In two shakes of a Wombat’s tail.”

In similar news, it was recently revealed that Kevin Smith was being considered to write and direct a sequel to Tombstone. He replied, “I’ll be your dingleberry.”

**I was asked to explain this. In Tombstone, Val Kilmer’s Doc Holiday has a line where he says, “I’ll be your huckleberry.” In Kevin Smith’s movie, Clerks, Jay responds to Dante by saying, “ About the biggest pair you’ve ever seen, Dingleberry!” *What the blogger has done here is combined the two movies and had them intersect, creating a clever and hilarious cross-over that works on so many levels.

In very similar news, Steven Spielberg turned down directing the sequel to Snakes on a Plane saying, “Snakes. Why did have to be snakes? I hate snakes.”

Subtle Details

I’m enjoying watching Season 2 of Yellow Jackets. Did anyone notice that Shauna talked Jackie’s ear off?

I took this photo in downtown Vancouver that reminded me to finish that novel.

Words of Wisdom 

1. Try different foods. It’s one of the joys of life. Llama tongue is trending right now. I wonder what that tastes like… and can it taste you back?

2. From the Bottom of My Chart. I was looking through my surgical text book for information on appendectomies. I couldn’t find it. The Appendix had been removed.

3. Don’t be afraid to explain things more than once, especially if it’s a complex topic.

In Tombstone, Val Kilmer’s Doc Holiday has a line where he says, “I’ll be your huckleberry.” In Kevin Smith’s movie, Clerks, Jay responds to Dante by saying, “ About the biggest pair you’ve ever seen, Dingleberry!” **What the blogger has done here is combined the two and had them intersect creating a clever and hilarious cross-over that works on so many levels.

In Steven Spielberg’s Indian Jones…

Thank you to everyone who continues to read this blog and support my efforts. I’m looking forward to sharing all the details of my upcoming novel in Blog Post #99. It’s now time for the ending jokes. In celebration of both Norway’s upcoming independence day and the downfall of Twitter, I give you the following jokes. Enjoy.

“Which country is better, Sweden or Denmark?

“Norway”

______________________________________________________________________

I follow writers on Twitter and responded to a Tweet last week:

“If you were going to write and self-publish a book in 2024, what would the title and idea be?”

”How Not to Give Away Your Book Idea: A Guide to Writing Jokes on Twitter.”

Happy April. A new month means a new blog post. It’s number 97. Thanks for all the great feedback from post # 96. Who knew balloons were so popular? It’s hard not to write great prose when you have such amazing material.

It’s Here!!

I’m excited to soon share more information about my upcoming novel. However, this month there’s bigger news. After a lot of work, discussion and debate, I’ve decided to start a podcast. The first episode of the Write or Wroy Podcast is here! Of course, the blog will continue unchanged… still great as usual. Now though, I will be sharing my insights on life, writing, health, travel, and news in another platform. The WOW Podcast will have the same comedic slant of irony and sarcasm that you’ve grown to love and expect from the blog… even if you don’t and/ or can’t quite get it all. Click the icon below to listen to the first hilarious episode.

It’s not quite the same as the written word, but still quite funny. Words case scenario, I will release the podcast episodes and the blog posts at the same time each month. If words comes to words, I may put out a podcast every second month instead.

Language Lessons

You heard a bit of my Spanish there. It still needs work but it is progressing. My wife and I were talking about it last month.

She asked, “How’s your Spanish coming?”

“Let’s put it this way: I couldn’t write a novel in Spanish but I think I could run a medium sized drug cartel in the middle of Caracas or San Salvador without much problemas.”

“Ha ha ha.”

”No te rias de mi!!”

– Translation

Words of Wisdom

1. From the Bottom of My Chart. Always look to make progress and increase your knowledge. Nursing is about ongoing education. I had a dream last week that I was at a nursing conference and started choking on an hors d’oeuvre. I immediately ran to the bathroom. Thirty nurses followed me in there.

2. You can’t solve every problem. Last month I called Tech Support because my password had expired. They told me they couldn’t help. Their password had also expired and they were waiting to hear back from Tech Support Tech Support.

3. Always have a backup plan in case what you first try doesn’t work.

My wife asked, “How’s your Spanish coming?”

“Let’s put it this way. I couldn’t do a podcast in Spanish but I could run an AirBnB for American tourists in the middle of Acapulco or Puerta Vallarta without much problemas.”

Thanks for reading April’s post. As usual, it’s been a fun ride full of news, jokes, and intellectual tidbits that expand the human race. That’s what my Blog Robot told me to write anyway. I hope you enjoyed the first podcast episode. More big announcements are coming over the next couple months. Stay tuned. It’s now that time; ending jokes. Enjoy.

Inflation is crazy right now. Prices are rising.:

My wife and I purchased tickets for Matchbox Twenty in 2019 but the concert kept getting postponed. Finally, the show is a go next month. The tickets cost $23.99 when we bought them. They’re now $485.00…

…And I’m a little bit angry…

___________________________________________________________________________________________

If you had difficulty getting to the podcast with the link above, here’s another link (Backup Plan):

Roy’s well-read. Violets are blue. Time Marches On. It’s Blog Post 96. Everyone loves rhymes… and poems. A new month means a new blog post. Thanks for all the messages of encouragement and support after Blog Post 95. Much appreciated.

Health Update

I’ve seen some more progress over the last month. I had a bit of a downturn due to a new medication in what my doctor called a ‘Herxheimer reaction’. I would have preferred more of a Mundheimer reaction. It’s just like a Herxheimer reaction except it feels good… really really good. In all seriousness, I seem to be on an upward trend. KOW! (Knock on Wood).

Sharing the Good Stuff

Netflix have been cracking down on password sharing. Who do they think they are? It’s not like they’re the streaming service offering The Mandalorian. In protest, I am sharing my Netflix password. My password is the same as your credit card number. Enter it here. NETFLIX Account.

Go Grogu Go

Season 3 of The Mandalorian dropped this month. My wife asked if I was going to watch it.

“Does a Rancor sh*t Gamorrean guts?

“I don’t know.”

“ExactaMando”

Novel Ideas

Progress continues. It’s a time consuming battle at times but with each page written, I get closer to The End. Here is a little glimpse of some of my recent work:

“It’s been a good week, my best week, ever maybe.”

“Wow. That’s great. I’m also glad you’re ok to continue with a flexible meal on Sundays.”

“Well, actually, I’m still looking at eliminating those. I’m planning to get hardcore.”

“I’m not going to make calorie counted bland meals.”

“No, no. I can cook.”

“I’m not eating chicken and broccoli for every meal. That’s a you-thing. Hell, I’d be drinking wine if I didn’t have the long drive home.”

“Ok fine. What if I made broccoli and chicken instead?”

Clear Skies

Balloons have taken over the news. There are so many balloon jokes trending right now. I’m not going to add to them. I took this photo of the sky over North America. No balloons.

Then I found this. Where it came from and its surveillance capabilities are unknown.

Balloons at the Potty

Hopefully, the whole balloon joke thing loses POPularity.

There’s been a lot of damage to the balloons they’ve found but with time, they’ll healium.

North Korea fired two missiles last month due to threats to their benevolent leader. A North Korean spokesperson stated that when they heard buffoons were getting shot down, they had to respond. They later learned that it was in fact balloons, not buffoons. North Korea are expected to fire more missiles this month.

In other news: There were rumors that Russia were behind all the balloon activity over North America. These rumors turned out to be false. It was just a bunch of hot error.

With balloons being shot down regularly, Carl Fredrickson’s house has unfortunately been grounded.

Five balloons were shot down last month. Nena encouraged North Americans not to panic stating, “There’s 94 more.” She was then asked if she had seen any balloons over Germany. She replied, “Nine.”

In other news, a nanny with an umbrella was shot in Montana.

I was very angry to hear that baboons were getting shot. Then I heard it was balloons, not baboons. I thought about the clowns, all the birthday parties, all those children. Yeah, I’m ok with that.

Did Pennywise not teach us about the dangers of balloons?

I don’t get ‘It’.

Words of Wisdom

1. Don’t overdo jokes. A joke can be funny but not if you just keep it going and going and going and going and going. You just shouldn’t overdo it. The joke won’t be as funny after a while. It’s funny the first time and when not overdone. You can’t just keep going with it over and over and over and over. Don’t overdo jokes.

2. Nursing Tip From the Bottom of My Chart: Choose your career wisely. Some careers are becoming obsolete. Truck driving, cashiers, nursing. What do you mean nursing? Nurse Droids… they’re coming.

In other news: The hiring of more nurses was approved by city council last week. Phew… all those out of work nurses just sitting on their couches at home looking for jobs are relieved.

3. Don’t overdo jokes.

Thanks for reading this month’s post which just keeps Marching and Marching and Marching and Marching on. It’s now time for the ending jokes done just right. Enjoy.

Here is a joke from the novel that I’ve been working on.

“Life opens up opportunities to you and you either take them or stay afraid.”

“Is that from The Secret?”

“No. Jim Carrey actually.”

“Alrighty then.”

____________________________________________________________________________

Speaking of overdoing jokes, I have improved on a joke from Blog Post 49. Here it is, done just right.

My sister in law asked on Facebook for recommendations. She wanted to know what people’s favorite cruise line was. As any good brother in law should do, I sprung into action to help.

My favorites Cruise lines are:

“I feel the need. The need for speed.”

“Show me the money!”

That’s it? That ended badly.

“Everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn’t end.”

It’s February and it’s Blog Post 95. I’m not going to make comments about being grateful to be alive or that I’m going to thrive or that this blog is live. I’m not going to say it’s time to deep dive or that the moment has come to join my hive, for we will survive. I didn’t even say that February has arrived. Rhymes are good and sometimes they jive but not this time with blog 95. I may be a poet who doesn’t actually have the knowledge that I am one but that’s not all this blog is about. It’s about substance…that is out there. You’re welcome.

Hell: The Update

Thank you for all the messages of encouragement. My health is doing better. Recent treatments have had a positive affect and we feel closer to figuring things out. I am hopeful to share more good news going forward. Stay tuned.

Roy-man-tic

It’s Valentine’s Day this month. You should almost be finished with the monthly payments on chocolate and flowers from last Valentine’s Day. Did you know that I’m a sucker for rom-coms? My wife hates that and will often refer to the movies I want to watch as ‘Hallmark Movies’. Now, I don’t consider the movies I like, ‘Hallmark Movies’ as they’re too fairy tale but I do like a good ‘happily ever after’. Some of my current favorites are Stuck in Love, Wedding Season, and Always Be My Maybe. I really enjoyed Spontaneous but didn’t like the ending. I’m also a big fan of the Modern Love series.

Ongoing Novelling

With the above knowledge, you would think that I’d write a romance novel or at least have a love story in it. I didn’t and it doesn’t. That’s just not what the story is about. There is only this brief moment of love interest:

She is belle, he thought. Dark hair, nearly as tall as him, he was indeed ‘enchanted’. Her Quebecoise accent caused the hair on his arms to dance as his heart kicked inside his chest to get out. He hung on her every word, even providing an occasional smile to the conversation. He longed for his French to be fluent enough to be witty, charming, funny. Unfortunately, he had just ‘umms’, and ‘uhhhs’.

Roy-bot Blog

As Meta targets my interests with ads for Spanish lessons, book writing tips, and the latest in nervous system lab studies, it also advises me on how to write blogs. I know how to write blogs and they’re amazing. The latest ad on my timeline said, “Write blog posts 10x faster with robots.” What a great idea! I ordered a robot but it didn’t work out. He said it was against his programming to impersonate. The R2 unit it came with had no such issues and tried to blog for me. Here’s an excerpt: “Beep boop beep beep… “ So you can see why the robot experience didn’t work.

I think they’ve been using robots at one of the local news agencies here in Vancouver. They posted the following headline:

“He had tested positive for Covid test in a post mortem.”

They should test the testers who test the testers who test the writers who write the tests that tests their ability to use words.

Words of Wisdom.

1. Make your own protein shake. Then at least you can say, “I did it my whey.”

2. Read signs. Here’s the photo my robot wanted to use.

3. Nursing Tip. From the Bottom of My Chart: If someone is choking, do The Mundheimleich Maneuver. It’s just like the Heimleich maneuver except the rescuer is insanely gorgeous.  

Thanks for reading this month’s blog. The journey towards releasing my first novel continues. Stay tuned for more excerpts and updates. It’s now time for the ending joke but after WoW #3, it almost doesn’t need one…Yes it does! Enjoy.

The charging station doesn’t work for that phone.

Maybe it’s because of the cover?

I tried without. It’s not the case.

Wait no more. It’s Blog Post 94. Happy New Year! I’m excited for a new year, a fresh start. I’m hopeful for some great blog posts, the release of a best-selling novel, and a return to health in 2023.

Health update

Unfortunately I have continued to struggle with my health. Working with two doctors, waiting on specialist referrals, and trying several medications has yet to turn the tide on my declining health. Without going into too much detail, I am having a problem with my nervous system and still have yet to find a cause. Theories range from a viral infection to a parasite picked up in my world travels to an environmental toxin exposure. My MRI has shown an abnormality but the cause is still a mystery.

Illness can hit anyone at anytime. I’m someone and now’s the time. I am still hopeful of finding answers that involve recovery but it’s not something I can count on. Write the book. Enjoy the special moments. Live life with passion as long and as well as possible. What else is there?

Dinner With Friends

My wife and I had a great Xmas dinner with friends. Enjoying stories, perspectives and jokes with friends is a pretty great way to spend time. Every time I say something funny (it’s actually quite often), my friends tell me that it has to go into the blog. I know that. Why do you think I’m here? It’s for material.

Selling Material

Segwaying is hard. After a few months of little to no sales, my book Nursing: The Funny Side of the Bedside, had a spike in purchases for December. It makes a great holiday present for the nurse in your life. I even gave a copy to a co-worker for the Secret Santa at the staff holiday party. I wonder if they know it was from me.

Novelling

I promised I would reveal more regarding my upcoming novel and here it is: I had a few different working titles when I started. ‘The World’s Greatest Novel’ seemed like a good title. I decided that was too controversial. Then I thought ‘2024’ was a good one as that’s basically when the story happens but it was too much like ‘1984’ (I hated that novel). ‘Sunday Dinners with Aunt Mel’ was very much considered but then I decided to go with the title I have now instead…

Dialogue

Here’s a couple different excerpts I’ve recently been working on:

“Don’t you realize that while you’re standing here in your own house complaining, there are people who have no where to live, have no food, or are laying in a hospital bed wishing they had the kind of opportunities you have?”

“Yeah, well, do you realize while you’re sitting here talking, there’s a guy from India trapped on a boat with no one to talk to but a man-eating tiger?”

“Funny, but not really.”

“Or right now there’s a guy from UPS stranded on an island with only a volleyball to talk to?”

“You. Are. Exhausting.”

These are always works-in-progress and aren’t necessarily the final product. The novel takes place in Espen Falls, a fictional community/ suburb outside of Vancouver. One of the main characters is Mel. She loves to talk, always talks, never stops talking. Mel is the extrovert to the lead introvert. It works quite well.

Dinner was pleasant enough. Aunt Mel talked about going back to work at the bakery, offered again to help him get a job, and thoroughly reviewed the current state of Espen Fall’s local political infighting. “There hasn’t been a controversy this big since the chess world had to deal with vibrating anal beads!”

It’s real. Google it.

New Year-New Perspective

For those who commented that they liked last months photo, I give you a similar one taken this month. Steps away at a different time yet so similar.

Words of Wisdom

1. Save more money this year. My debut novel is set to be released before next Xmas and you don’t want to have to take out a bank loan to purchase your copy.

2. From the Bottom of My Chart: Keep your sennas close…and your enemas even closer.

3. Know your words. Did you know that ‘Goblin Mode’ is Oxford Dictionary’s 2022 Word of the Year? Does Oxford know that ‘Goblin Mode’ is not a word but is, in fact, two words. ‘Gobbling Mode’ has been around for a long time. Isn’t that when Pacman eats the yellow pellet and then turns the tide on the gggghosts? I thought ‘Gobbling Mode’ was when you sit down at Xmas for turkey dinner.

Thanks for reading the first blog post of the year. Keep swimming. Keep going. There are better days ahead. It’s time for the ending jokes. If laughter is the best medicine, this blog requires a prescription. Enjoy.

Work From Home

We recently had a snow day here in Vancouver. Nearly everyone worked from home instead of coming into the office except for me as I live a short walk away. A few days later, everyone was commenting on how great they did working from home and how much better it was. I disagreed.  “I told them, I’m way better at the office. I just need everyone else working from home.“

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Xmas Dinner Conversations

Our friends had just come back from a scuba diving vacation and were getting ready for another one in the new year.  “We’ve seen whale sharks, tiger sharks and hammerheads. We still haven’t seen a great white yet.”

Me: “That’ll probably be the last one you see.”