Blog Post #26. Why are some people smug and arrogant? Why do some of us look down on others? It seems really stupid once you have some inkling of how life works. Life will absolutely kick you directly in the face at some point no matter who you are. Whether you’re rich, poor, gifted, talented, lazy, good looking, successful, lucky, hard working, motivated, ambitious, or fortunate, life will smack you right at the base of your being leaving you wondering if you’ll ever get up again. How can we be anything but humble when we know every moment is fleeting and undoubtedly temporary? Even though I’m here writing this blog, with over a million or so followers, you don’t see me bragging about another published article or how my blog post on the future of healthcare has gone viral! Be humble and compassionate. None of us are getting out of here alive or without a few kicks to the teeth.

Published!

Since travelling is one of my favorite things to do, it’s not surprising that travel writing has been a large part of my portfolio. This month I had another travel article published by WanderGoGo. They’ve got a lot of useful travel information and links to fantastic travel products. They’ve also been great to work with. Check out my article on a little town in Mexico that I’ve been fortunate to visit twice.

http://www.wandergogo.com/mexico-on-a-budget-rincon-de-guayabitos/

I was disappointed that they decided to edit out one of my jokes (in other words, remove it). I originally wrote, “Grab a few snacks and cervazas to enjoy a picnic on the island while watching pelicans awkwardly dive bomb into the water. From August to January, watch local sea turtle conservations release baby turtles into the ocean. Someone keep those darn pelicans away!” The last sentence was removed. I guess my humour isn’t always for everybody. I hate it when life kicks me in the face like that. I’m thinking of starting a GoFundMe page to have the joke re-instated. Sign the petition, join the movement, end censorship, and stand up for what’s right!

It’s not the first time they’ve edited a bit of my work. I almost didn’t see it. It was in my first article with them where at the very end, they changed my sentence to begin with the word, “But….”. I would never begin a sentence with the word “But”. But they did publish my article, so I can’t really complain.

Foodie Time

My photo for this post is a foodie pic I took of a wonderful dessert platter that was given to my wife in August. Delicious calorie bombardment!!

In life, it’s important to say “yes” to possibilities and opportunities. It’s also very important to sometimes say, “no”. After being offered a food blogger position with a local start up, I had to politely decline. There was way too much of a time and resource commitment required of me that I didn’t want to fulfill. I’m loving what I’m doing now (blogging and article writing on various topics) and I didn’t want to sacrifice that for one niche. It was a difficult decision but the right one. I want to wish Hidden Gems all the best going forward. They have ambitions of reinventing the coverage of the Vancouver food scene and promoting small locally owned restaurants. Check out their site here:

http://tryhiddengems.com/

Words of Wisdom

1. Reading is good for you. I’ve started a ten minute/a day reading challenge. I read ten minutes in the morning as soon as I wake up and before I do anything. It may not seem like much but it does add up (70 minutes of extra reading per week) and gets me off to a good start for the day.

2. With all the craziness that can happen at any given moment, being prepared is important (not ‘Melania’s shoes-important’ but still important). When life gives you peanuts, make sure you have your epi-pen! If the electricity isn’t working, your place still needs to be cleaned.

How am I supposed to vacuum the house with the power out?

Suck it up!

 

You’ve endured my lectures and updates. Now it’s time for my Original ending jokes: Getting kicked in the face and some nursing humour. Enjoy!
I was excited about my nursing joke about orange cheese from Blog Post #24. It didn’t get the response I expected. The knock knock joke from my nephew that I tweaked for Blog Post #2 was more popular. I was talking to my nephew’s mother about my orange cheese joke and she said, “Don’t worry. I’ll send you more of my son’s knock knock jokes.”

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I brought a patient all his medication one evening. I brought his pills, liquid, an inhaler, eye drops, two injections, and a suppository.

I asked him, “Would you like to get the suppository over with first?”

He said, “No. I’ll save that for the end.”

 

It’s October and time for Blog Post # 25! I meant to write sooner but I forgot my Blog-In password. I can’t believe I forgot ‘royishilarious’. I continue to work on my writing and have a few different projects on the go. Thanks to everyone who connected with me on LinkedIn and gave me some advice…..still not really getting it. My photo for this blog is from Mexico.

No, this is not the wall that Trump promised separating Mexico from the United States, although that does look like Trump in the background. No, wait. That’s the evil eye of Sauron. Same thing.

It looks like I will begin writing for a Vancouver food blog after all. I’ve been welcomed to the team and am looking forward to trying some tasty food and passing the info on via photos and the written word. They’re a site that’s been around for a while but they’re in the process of revamping and adding more bloggers and content. I’ll share more as I know more but I’m not expecting I’ll have any articles coming up from them for some time.

I was published again last week. I wrote an opinion piece for my workplace (Vancouver Coastal Health) blog. It’s not for everyone but if you’re a healthcare worker or know someone who is, it may be of interest. It’s basically my thoughts on the future of healthcare and about sharing ideas on how to improve the system for everyone. You can read it here:

http://vchblogs.ca/took-vch-survey/

This month is my vacation from work. Before you say, “Hold on a sec’! Don’t you work part time and take 4 – 9 days off at a time?” Yes, yes I do. Usually, I take my vacation time in October and then travel to some amazing place. This year, I will be staying at home in Vancouver (also an amazing place) while hosting my cousin who will be visiting from Norway. This will be his first ever visit to North America. This will definitely cut into my writing time so I won’t have any new articles coming out for a while. I’m looking forward to a good staycation and wonder if a little Vancouver travel article might get started. I hope to do all the touristy things here in Vancouver, on Vancouver Island, and even Seattle that I have yet to do.

Preparing for Food Blogging

Recently, I’ve been in a lot of discussions about food and diet. For those who follow my blog, you know I’m a protein advocate. I was eating 160 – 180 grams of protein a day. I’ve cut that back to 135 – 160 grams a day due to recent research and the desire to have a bit more energy for running. It is very interesting what people think is “healthy.” Did you know, “if it has seafood or red meat in it, you shouldn’t eat it. It’s not good for you.” ? Did you also know that the healthiest people are vegans and vegetarians? I also learned that, “the ketogenic diet is the best thing for you.” Really? No wonder Trump won the US election. Fake news makes anything and everything possible. If you can make it up, you can make it true. Thanks Internet.

I was recently asked if I was a vegetarian.

I said, “No, I decided to be healthy instead.”

“Well, I’m a vegan. That’s healthy.”

“Nothankyoulations!”

Measure This

I came across something weird at a restaurant recently. The menu offered a case of chicken wings. What is that? It also offered quarts of beer.

”I’ll have a quart of ale and a truss of asparagus with my case of chicken wings. My friend would like a cord of French fries with a cup of ketchup and a demiard of beer. We can’t pay you now but I’ll write you a check for a dozen half-pieces that you can cash in a fortnight.”

Try reading that part again with a posh British accent.

Words of Wisdom

1. Even if you fail at something, remember to learn from your mistakes and let the lessons of being unsuccessful guide you to success. I was recently asked what the most important lesson is that I’ve learned since starting freelance writing. I said that success comes from being mistake free and meticulous with the details. Make sure your work is free of erorrs and typos.

Proof reading is just like the blood bank. You’re always looking for Type Os.

2. If you want someone to do you a favour, you’ve got to know how to ask properly….maybe offer to do them a favour in exchange. Always say, “please” and “thank you.” My wife has learned how to ask me for favours. One day she was struggling to open a jar. She was trying so hard, her face turned red, and finally she stopped and said, “Oh my god. Can you open this jar?”

“Now you’re learning to ask properly.”

Thanks to everyone who emailed me about the orgy joke. I’m glad you liked it. That was a 100% Roy-original that really came out of nowhere. My wife says it should go back there. For the ending joke this time, I’ve gone back to my tried and true: Star Wars. Enjoy.

My friend and I had a disagreement about ‘The Force Awakens’. He didn’t like it. He said it felt too much like “A New Hope”. He’s convinced the next movie will be just like “The Empire Strikes Back” with the wanna-be Jedi going to an isolated planet where the Jedi master has exiled himself, only to learn that a relative is the evil villain that needs to be faced. Then the third movie will be just like “Return of the Jedi” where the heroes need to rescued from a hoard of various muppets.
I said, “Ugh….you’re right. That’s not the worst part though. Then ten years later they’re going to digitally re-make and re-release the movies with a bunch of fraggles all over the place for no reason before making prequels about Kylo Ren’s childhood….ugh.”

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As an atheist, I do try to tread carefully in not offending. This joke may or may not offend….or even work.

Why is there no intelligent life on Mars?

1. Because Mars lacks prayer.

2. Because Mars doesn’t have any Believers.

3. Because Jesus is an only child and he wants to keep it that way.

4. Because God didn’t want to sacrifice another son.

5. Because God didn’t have another son.

6. Because God didn’t have another sun.

7. Because Bruno owns the naming rights and there’s no 24 Karat Magic in the air.